AnonymousTypewriter

Can I say something

The word Ottawa looks like a caterpillar

hate when people say something along the lines of "we must get along so well because you are/i am [some astrological sign]" to me. what are you fucking talking about. we get along because im fucking nice. a decision which i regret when you say shit like that

this post is a good rent lowering gunshot. in case anyone needs one of those

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

The pyromancer always wins

hi so yeah im trying to find the hotel california and i know i have to take the highway to hell but i accidentally turned left onto the boulevard of broken dreams. i took the first hard right onto the rocky road to dublin cuz i thought it would loop back around but it didnt lol and i know im waaaaaay off course bc i just drove by the house of the rising sun haha. so how many miles until i get to the hotel

500 MILES?!?!?!

That is so exceptionally beautiful and wholesome I actually cried reading that.

Not to brag but what a time to be childless

Who wants to hear a DIY tiling pro tip that the experts won't tell you

Yes!

Do not drop your phone into the bucket of tile adhesive. This step is actually completely unnecessary and massively complicates the tiling process.

You say this but my uncle is a tiler and he swears by the “drop phone in putty bucket” technique. I think you’re just posting this for clout

Your uncle is caught up in a tradition that he was taught as an apprentice that he never questioned. Modern putty doesn't require phone, the formula has changed.

MY uncle says some customers still demand the phone putty technique because it "doesn't look right otherwise"

Drop an empty phone case in and those customers can't tell the fucking difference because there is no fucking difference.

My mum renovated houses for thirty years, she says “you’re half right, but in some cases - particularly in houses built before 1930 - the phone does add some benefit. Could be a tablet too if you’ve an old one in the garage. And anyone who says it’s got to be a particular model is just being precious about it, whatever the forums say.”

IPhones and tablets where invented in 1898, what did they do before then?

Nothing, tiles were invented in 1899.

arthur's cutie mark is a cross and he has no idea why and resents the fuck out of it and covers it up with horse pants (evil) and it's only at the end of the world he realizes its because his special talent is being a fuckin' martyr

john's cutie mark is just arthur's face in profile and the fucked up thing is that it changes as arthur's appearence changes