Snart

oh yeah well what if trains entering tunnels didn’t symbolise sex, in fact what if sex symbolised railway engineering, how about that huh

everything is about sex, except sex, which is about trains

will you just let me be silly for a sec. there's this dread so ancient in me

there's a lot of valid criticisms of the american government don't get me wrong but I'm not just going to keep letting people say that the electoral college is some kind of broken system that it's not. it's literally so simple. under a two party system, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal, so you got 25% chance at best, at beat me. And then you add Kurt Angle to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down! You've got a 33.3% chance of winning. But I, I've got a 66 and two third, chance of winning, cause Kurt Angle KNOWS he can't beat me, and he's not even gonna try. So Samoa Joe, you take your 33 and a third chance, minus my 25% chance, and you've got an eight and a third chance of winning, at Sacrifice. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 and two thirds per cents, I got a 141 and two thirds chance of winning. See joe! The numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you! At sacrifice.

it literally says right there in the declaration of independence: they say all men are created equal ... But you look at me and you look at samoa joe, you can see that statement is not true.

i saw a really cool butterfly expert man on PBS and was so in awe of him and his butterfly knowledge i tracked down the episode online to see how to spell his name and found his twitter and followed him, only for the next day to awaken to him having read not only my webcomic, but also my livetweets saying how i wanted to marry the butterfly man. he said he was flattered. anyway the moral of the story is please don’t underestimate how far down your twitter a bored entomologist will scroll, and also the internet was a mistake.

every time i rediscover a Life Hack from like 30,000 years ago i feel so stupid i want to kill myself. ive recently started using a normal reed basket i just found by a dumpster to carry shit around my house. i need to bring 8 things from the kitchen cabinet to the stove to bake some cookies. ok i put them in the basket, i carry them to the stove. when im done with each ingredient i place it in the basket. at the end i take the basket back to the cabinet. i do this instead of making 4-5 trips because it's too many items to hold at once. i feel like a genius. i feel like a moron. i love my simple reed basket

My new method to avoid eye contact is a low cut top and a push-up bra.

this girl playing 4-d chess with the allistics

Actually it's just 38C but thanks.

the more I learn about the great molasses flood of 1919, the more I realize poetry can only go so far and some catastrophic sugar substitute events will just outdo you every time.

Stumbles out of google docs covered in blood