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the Everlight has been sending her divine visions an average of twice a week explaining as if to a toddler "You're perfect the way you are, you are my champion, your anger is not a flaw to be excised it comes from a place of deep love and compassion, you don't have to change or cut out parts of yourself to be worthy of love, the only thing interfering in your divine connection is that you are convinced you don't deserve it and so you instinctively suppress it. I will be here for you the moment you let me back in and I never left."
Bastard Good: You make the world better for people but in a really obnoxious way so everyone low-key hates you for it
Chaotic Dead: You set yourself on fire at the start of each session
Informed Evil: you're wearing a red cape and cackling so we kind of assume you've probably done some bad things off screen, right?
Lawful Pointless: You follow the rules of chess in every situation you find yourself in.
False Neutral: HAHA FOOLS! I WAS NO DRUID! I WAS A PALADIN ALL ALONG!
Lawful Anxious: You follow very strict laws but you don't know what those laws are or if you're breaking them.
Personal Evil: rather then making things worse for sapient life, you work to make things worse for Steve specifically. Everyone else is fine.
Centrist Neutral: "I don't support The Chained God Tharizdun breaking free and unmaking all reality but if we stop him through force we're just as bad as he is. Did you know there's actually zero difference between good and bad things?"
Sponsored Good: You provide justice, compassion and the great taste of subways sandwiches! Put in the code SMITETHESINNERS when ordering online for 20% off!
Sexy Lawful: You follow very strict rules but in such a way we kind of suspect you're getting off on it.
Chaotic Incidental: You act completely randomly but by sheer chance your actions turn out identical to if you followed very strict rules.
Theoretical Good: You want to do good things to help the world and once you stop binging Netflix you're absolutely going to.
Ugly Neutral: None of the other alignments want to hang out with you so you're neutral by default
Chaotic Meta: You pointedly refuse to follow the rules of the game you're playing.
thinking all the time about a dnd campaign i played years and years ago. i wanted to play dnd for the first time but had no one to play with so i got on some reddit for people putting campaigns together and there was a DM who specifically wanted to do a campaign for exclusively first-time players bc they thought it would be exciting to introduce us all to the game. it was actually a super rigorous process to make the cut bc the DM wanted a group of adults with consistent availability who would commit to making the game a weekly priority (fair) so i filled out like an application and then met with the dm on-call to talk about potential characters and hash everything out. it ended up being an outrageously fun game and i learned as we went that most of the world, classes, etc. were homebrew and i was like the lore this DM has created is cuckoo bananas tbh like it's so deeply involved. anyway in the end the DM told us they're actually a best-selling published author and they'd always wanted to create a storyworld for an rpg. they wouldn't tell us their name and tbh they were right to tell us at the end bc if they'd told us at the beginning i'd have suspected they were full of it and lying to sound cool but after playing their game i do believe them. anyway afterward they didn't keep contact with any of us. they were like "here's a beautiful world and story thanks for coming now i'll disappear forever." who were you...............................
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Excerpt from Observations on the Order Draconia in Europe, with Notes on the Oriental Breeds by Edward Howe
Additional notes and transcript below the cut.
VITRIOLIC SPIT
Longwing Breed, Adult
The modified salivary glands, known as vitriol or acid glands, within the lower jaw release concentrated aqua regia - a combination of aqua fortis and spirit of salt - into forward facing channels in the spurs. The acid is created through similar means as stomach acid.
Vitriol Spitters cannot direct the flow of acid and must expel from above to prevent damage to themselves or others
FIRE BREATH
Kazilik Breed, Adult
The modified salivary glands, known also as naptha glands, within the lower jaw contain a liquid accelerant which, when combined with carbureted hydrogen water from the lower throat, are lit by the spark teeth to produce flame. The spark teeth are not true teeth and are instead mineralized protrusions of the skull.
The combination of naptha and gasses allow fire-breathers to direct expulsions in any direction. Excess water is often expelled as steam across the dragon's body.
OH BOY THIS ONE WAS A LONG ONE! I think way too hard about dragon biology, and had a lot of fun trying to write this as an 17th century naturalist.
Translations:
(thanks to my spouse for their obscure alchemist knowledge)
Aqua regia: a solution of nitrohydrochloric acid
Aqua fortis: nitric acids
Spirit of salt: hydrocholric acid
Naptha: volatile, highly flammable hydrocarbon liquids of many types. (known today as "mineral spirits" or "lighter fluids")
Carbureted hydrogen water: methane dissolved in water
To expound, I don't think Mr. Howe would have totally figured out fire breath. The universe establishes that 1) dragons can direct their fire, 2) dragons can still breath while flaming and don't need to stop for air, and 3) a byproduct of the process is steam. To square all that, I think the dragon must have some sort of starter in the jaw, here as naptha (though my spouse says it could be nitric acid) that it can ignite at will, then feed with methane produced by food/bacteria and dissolved in water lower in the body. When the methane burns, the water evaporates as steam. The liquid nature of the methane water means the dragon can probably close its throat to avoid being burned.
The acid spitters are easier: I believe they were based on spitting cobras, though the spurs gave me a little trouble. Those have pressurized canals in their fangs and keep extra venom in glands. In both dragons it made sense to have modified salivary glands for this, as the muscle control and chemical production would have a headstart for evolution of the traits.
Reminder: there are lots of cooler and more fitting terms for the object a lich keeps its soul in than phylactery (which is the Greek-derived English name for a Jewish ritual object which has nothing to do with souls, magic, or necromancy).
Instead try:
Reliquary
Necromancer's Amulet
Koschei's Needle
Soul jar
Soul vessel
Soul cage
Soul gem
Honestly, I'd be happier to hear horcrux than for you to keep trying to tie Jewish people to necromancy, whether that's your intention or not.
The quiet discussion and good-luck affirmations between you and the person helping you don your armor. The comfort of knowing that the straps and buckles are perfectly secure, because the person who did them up loves you more than words can say.
The absolute relief when a loved one helps you remove your armor. Not in a sexy way, no–you’re sweaty and exhausted and covered in bruises, and you feel instant relief when the pauldrons are lifted off your shoulders. You don’t have to worry about keeping track of the various pieces, because they’re already being lovingly wiped down and put safely away while you unlace your boots. The weight on your shoulders is replaced by a gentle touch, reminding you that someone is proud of you, and you’re safe to rest now.
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This game of a wizard scholar has a fun stat methodology that is an iteration on Powered by the Apocalypse stats. I like the answering of questions walking you through character creation to truly round out a character while simultaneously adding to your stats.
Update to this post: I deadpanned "Alright, you can roll a perception check if you promise to be a good boy" and there was like a solid minute of silence
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It’s me vs everyone else! And you can give me an advantage by donating to trans lifeline! (Or you can choose to give my opponent and advantage too if you like)
so in D&D the gelatinous cube is an explicit in-setting ecological representation of the fact that "dungeons with ten-foot-wide corridors" are a common enough feature that there are creatures adapted or designed specifically for them. but dragons aren't adapted for that design at all, nor are a lot of the other big guys; they either need separate exits or to use magic or shapeshift into a human form to go throguh the tunnels
but this is a problem that has been solved in real-life! the problem of "large animal that needs to get into a fairly consistently-sized tunnel that's significantly smaller" is solved by snakes, and, crucially, by mustelids, animals that are very long relative to their size. so I think D&D needs more of that. there should be giant ten-foot-wide dungeon weasels and stuff.
My dumb ass really thought I was gonna be able to scroll past this post without drawing the two most ridiculous dragons to have ever infested my brain.
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Someone mentioned how they were having a hard time creating a world for their fantasy fiction geographically because they kept reinventing the island of Britain, which also happened to my good close enemy George R. R. Martin. I would like to suggest North Carolina. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous but North Carolina has an awesome geographic setup for a fantasy kingdom, I think. Inhospitable barrier islands, constantly shifting shoals in the sound, swamps with alligators, venomous snakes and carnivorous plants, lots of very flat and somewhat sparsely populated farmland, foothills, mines, mountains full of mysterious phenomenon that were originally very difficult to navigate and people still get lost in today. It kind of rocks.
There are actually 36 carnivorous plant species native to North Carolina, roughly half of all carnivorous plant species in the United States are found in North Carolina! I added the carnivorous plant detail because that’s something I love about the state. We have so many fucking bugs that the plants keep evolving to eat them.
I love that giant man eating Venus flytraps are worldbuilding staples in untamed tropical fantasy settings but they’re actually native to a small region in the Carolinas.
And I agree with the notes, the Chesapeake Bay + Great Dismal Swamp (partially in NC anyway) and the South Carolina Lowcountry would be good geographic additions to this.
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