TorieAteYourFriends

The new Death Note movie looks great

Next time a conspiracy theorist tries to tell you ‘what really happened’, present a more outlandish theory and accuse them of covering up the truth.

Lmaoooo

this is like so funny but terrifying¿ im laughing partially out of fear

don’t leave animals alone in your home. this could happen to you.

Me listening to George Michael

@shitmedik

You can’t be mad at him

Definitely should give him a treat

why come they called him “beast” in the castle when everyone knew his name cuz they’d been working for him forever anyway? like …. i would just be like “hey chewbacca-Adam” or some shit, there’s no reason to call him beast … id hide in my room all day too if my employees started making fun of me..

If my manager decided to pull some rude ass shit with a witch and got me living the next ten years of my life as an immortal singing toaster oven you can bet your ass I’d wake him up every goddamn morning with a flaming panini directly to the face. rise and shine, you ugly fuck, time hear a song

I call this one, “ode to an inconsiderate pissbaby” and the first 9 verses are just me screaming at various decibels

I love you

Are you fucking kidding me