we ain't written no poetry

1. Union of Names

“As our relationship came to resemble that of siamese twins, John renamed us "Shennon and Lotton". This, I'm sure you'll agree, constituted a definitive improvement from "Winnie and Snowball"; it also (though I could not know at the time) pointed a number of incipient traits of John's character.

For one thing, he could never, even then, leave a word alone. His spoonerisms of "Shotton" and "Lennon" foreshadowed his lifelong habit of linking his name to the people he felt closest to (the Lennon-McCartney collaboration and favoring "John Ono Lennon" over the detested "Winston"). Though I have yet to encounter a personality as strong and individualistic as John's, he always had to have a partner. He never could abide the thought of getting stuck on his limb all by himself.”

The Beatles, Lennon and Me, Pete Shotton, 1983

The above quote from Pete Shotton is illustrative of a pattern that John would repeat over and over in his life. From his earliest childhood friendship with Pete, all the way through to the romantic and artistic collaboration he had with Paul Yoko, one of John's means of connection, with the most important people in his life, was through the union of their names. Initially with Pete, John renamed them "Shennon and Lotton", a combination of their two surnames, then in 1962, John would enter into a 50:50 songwriting partnership with Paul McCartney, that would either be Lennon-McCartney or McCartney-Lennon (henceforth Lennon-McCartney from 1963), then finally, once John and Yoko went public with their relationship in 1968, they would market themselves as 'JohnandYoko', John would later change his name from John Winston Lennon, to John Ono Lennon, to match Yoko's married surname, and would react negatively when he perceived other people disregarding his new identity, as can be seen below from the letter John drafted to Linda McCartney:

"P.S. about addressing you letter just to me - STILL!!!"

John Lennon, Draft letter to Linda McCartney, circa 1971

Even in addressing a letter just to John and acknowledging that John, and John alone, was the intended recipient of the letter, was something that John couldn't let go unaddressed. Perhaps once he had merged his identity with Yoko, once this wasn't acknowledged by the people in their life, he felt a part of him wasn't being acknowledged? It's hard to say but, what is clear is that, John also established a collective identity with other important people in his life, namely the Beatles.

2. Shared Experience

"If John came by a packet of sweets - hardly an everyday occurrence, as he, like myself was kept on a strict allowance - he'd automatically share them around with all who happened to be present. Four lads and twelve sweets would invariably work out to three each."

The Beatles, Lennon and Me, Pete Shotton, 1983

"The five-man Beatles contained a core four, and within this a switched-on trio with their own particular brand of peer pressure. John and George wanted Paul to feel what they were experiencing, to share the new knowledge, to be all-in-this-together. For Pete, coercion to take pills was light and half-hearted, for Paul it was heavy and persistent; John needled him and called him a cissy. 'That was the attitude that prevailed,' Paul says."

Mark Lewisohn, Tune In, 2013

"Although Starr remembered visitors bringing LSD to the LA house, Harrison said the Beatles themselves had carried it from New York. 'John and I had decided that Paul and Ringo had to have acid, because we couldn't relate to them any more. Not just on the one level - we couldn't relate to them on any level, because acid had changed us so much. It was such a mammoth experience that it was unexplainable, because you could spend the rest of your life trying to explain what it made you feel and think. It was all too important to John and me."

Riding So High: The Beatles and Drugs, Joe Goodden, 2017

Throughout John's life there was a desire to get new experiences and, preferably, for those experiences to be shared with those closest to him. Pete provides anecdotes of John sharing his sweets equally amongst his friends at an early age. In the late 40s and early 50s, even though the Second World War was over, it should be remembered that rationing continued in Britain well into the 50s so the fact that young John was willing to share such a precious commodity as sweets says a lot about his generosity and also about his desire for his friends to also share in the rare pleasure of the experience with him. As John got older his desire for his friends to share in his experiences matured, rather than sweets, it was now drugs. In Tune In, Lewisohn outlines John and George persisting in getting Paul to take "prellies" with them so they could "be-all-in-this-together" and a few years later, when the drug of choice is now LSD, John and George again wanted Paul and Ringo to join them as they "couldn't relate to them any more". Clearly it was crucial to John that all the Beatles were on the same wavelength when it came to their drug experiences, when the Beatles famously took marijuana for the first time in 1964, not only were they all together but Brian and Mal were also around to share in the experience with them. John appears to have wanted them to progress from alcohol, to prellies, to marijuana, to LSD all together, to the point that when Paul held out "John needled him and called him a cissy". As important a factor drugs were in the Beatles story, drugs weren't the only thing John wanted to share with the other Beatles.

3. Beatle Community

‘We said the three of us could just go off somewhere, not with your buddies.’

‘But it’s nice to have your mates around.’

‘That really offends me. He does think it’s not enough just to go with his family.’

He smiled at her. She shook her head at him.

‘They seem to need you less than you need them,’ she said.”

Hunter Davies, The Beatles Authorised Biography, 1968

The above quote, in my opinion, is one of the most intriguing in Beatles history, not because it tells us about how or why the group broke up but, because it sheds light on how important the band was to John, the man who was supposedly looking for a way out as early as 1966 and "giggled" as he finally asked for a divorce in 1969. The passage above is taken from a casual conversation between John and Cynthia Lennon that Hunter Davies observed in 1967. It's clear how bonded John is to the rest of the Beatles as, when pressed to commit to a holiday just with Cyn and Julian, John states that "it's nice to have your mates around" to which Cyn ultimately responds that "they seem to need you less than you need them". Cyn goes on to accurately state that George and Pattie had managed to go on holiday alone and we know that Paul and Jane frequently went on holidays alone too but John appears to get the most pleasure from being around the other Beatles. John's connection to the other Beatles transcended connection in the physical realm, their connection also extended into telepathy.

4. Telepathy and Mental Connection

“We never really communicated with other people. Now that we don’t meet strangers at all, there is no need for any communication. We understand each other. It doesn’t matter about the rest.

‘Now and again, even though we feel each other, we do have a talking communication session, when we have to say things out loud, or otherwise we forget what we know we’ve decided amongst ourselves.”

Hunter Davies, The Beatles Authorised Biography

JOHN: Hey! Did you dream about me last night?

PAUL: [long pause] I can’t remember.

JOHN: Very strong dream. We both dreamt about it. It was amazing! Different dreams, you know, but I thought you must’ve been there. [inaudible] I was touching you. [inaudible]

The Get Back Sessions, 1969, via amoralto

"I don’t know how the others took it, it’s no good asking me . . . it’s like asking me how you took it. I don’t know. I’m in me own head, I can’t be in anybody else’s. I don’t know really what George, Paul or Ringo think anymore."

John Lennon, Rolling Stone interview with Jann Wenner, 1970

Tracing the strength of the mental connection between the Beatles, unsurprisingly, traces the strength of the relationships in the band, particularly from John's perspective. In 1967, with the end of touring in very recent memory, John's belief in the telepathy within the band is strong, to the point that "there is no need for any communication" between them and, in the rare instances that they do communicate out loud, it's only to reinforce "what we know we’ve decided amongst ourselves". In early 1969, in the immediate aftermath of the most strained Beatle recording sessions to date for the recording of "The White Album" and post the introduction of Yoko Ono and Linda Eastman into the inner sanctum of the band, John is still trying to reach out to Paul by asking him to confirm, not only that he dreamt about him, but that he was an active participant in John's dream as John "thought you must've been there" and far from a hazy dream that slips away the moment you awake, it was a "very strong dream". It's telling that, despite the later recollections of this time as one where the Beatles were falling apart, at the time itself, irrespective of how damaged their relationship was, John still felt connected enough to Paul to believe that he was sharing in his dreams, as they had done in the early years of their friendship, however, this time, Paul either didn't, or wasn't willing to confirm that was the case.

Post the public announcement of the break up, John would give an interview to Jann Wenner at Rolling Stone at the end of 1970. Although John was reeling from primal scream therapy, was lashing out at everyone not named Yoko Ono and would later go on to discredit a lot of what he said in this interview, I don't think everything John said can be discounted or overlooked. Interestingly, almost as an aside, John states that he doesn't "know really what George, Paul or Ringo think anymore". If John had said he didn't know what the other Beatles thought at that point in time, that would be as expected, but it's notable that John adds that he doesn't know what the others think anymore suggesting that there was a point where he did know what the others thought, or at least their level of connection was akin to something telepathic or mental in nature, illustrating how embedded John was to their collective shared identity.

5. From Friend to Foe: Destructive Symbiosis with Paul

We all went through a depression after Maharishi and Brian died; it wasn’t really to do with Maharishi, it was just that period. I was really going through the “What’s it all about?” type thing – this songwriting is nothing, it’s pointless, and I’m no good, I’m not talented, and I’m shitty, and I couldn’t do anything but be a Beatle. What am I going to do about it? It lasted nearly two years and I was still in it during Pepper. I know Paul wasn’t at the time; he was feeling full of confidence, and I was going through murder during those periods. I was just about coming out of it around Maharishi, even though Brian had died – that knocked us back again. Well, it knocked me back.

John Lennon, interview with Barry Miles, September, 1969

"I expected… just a little more, you know. I mean, because if Paul and I are sort of disagreeing, and I feel weak, I think he must feel strong, you know. That’s in an argument. Uh, not that we’ve had much physical argument, you know – more a mental, like when we’re talking— But you would expect the opposition. So called. So I was just surprised, you know. And, uh, I was glad too. [laughs; hesitating] I thought, yeah, I – you know. I suddenly re– got it all in perspective, you know."

John Lennon, Rolling Stone interview, 1970

As illustrated in the prior section, as the Beatles story unfolded, the seemingly unassailable mental connection deteriorated to the point that, by 1970, John no longer believed it existed. Similarly, John's connection to Paul also seemed to change in nature from the late 1960s onwards. Where once John and Paul shared in each others dreams as they strove and reached their shared goal of being the "Goffin and King" of England, now John and Paul's success was inversely related where, if Paul was "full of confidence" John was "going through murder" and, in John's mind, "if Paul and I are sort of disagreeing, and I feel weak, I think he must feel strong". This change in the dynamic between John and Paul, I think, goes some way to explaining the way their relationship unfolded in the early and late 1970s. In the early 1970s, John was publicly critical of Paul's albums, his choice in the Eastmans, his marriage, his personality, everything about Paul was fair game and he was more than willing to encourage the underground press to follow suit, perhaps part of that was John recognising the threat that Paul posed to him, so if he was going to step out into the scary world of a solo career, surely it would make sense to strengthen himself - therefore, if John needs to be strong, in this dynamic, Paul had to be weak. Then again, in 1976 Paul is on top of the world with the success of Wing's tour, his family life is seemingly blissful, he's never been richer and has been vindicated in his choice of the Eastmans, whereas John is (according to some sources) at the start of a writing block that wouldn't fully lift until 1980, again if Paul is now at the apex of his strength, is it shocking that John perceives this as being linked to his situation at the time and responds by dispelling Paul from the Dakota?

While the Lennon-McCartney identity that had sustained John for the majority of the 1960s was legally gone by the mid-1970s, John had already established a new, and what would ultimately become his final, collective identity.

6. Exchange of the Beatle Collective Identity for the creation of "JohnandYoko"

“I mean, I wasn’t in love last year, but I was communicating quite well with people. Not as well, or maybe not as powerfully. ’Cause now there’s two of us, doing that, brrmmm, whatever it is. Sending out a vibration or whatever. But before it was me and... or me and George, alright, or whatever it was; we weren’t in love, but. You know. There’s enough in you to shove it out. It is just that bit. If you – if somebody comes in a room and he’s uptight and that, he can make the whole room uptight.”

John Lennon, interview with Maurice Hindus, 1969

"I was really losing interest in just doing the Beatles’ bit – and I think we all were – but Paul did a good job in holding us together for a few years while we were sort of undecided about what to do, you know. And I found out what to do, and it didn’t really have to be with the Beatles. It could have been, if they wanted… But uh, it got that I couldn’t wait for them to make up their minds about peace or whatever. About committing themselves. It’s the same as the songs. So I’ve gone ahead – and I’d have liked them to have come along."

John Lennon, interview with Ritchie Yorke, 1969

TRYNKA: When The Beatles split, did you feel relief?

YOKO: No. I always thought, “John won’t be doing this thing with The Beatles and eventually I can do my work too.” That was my plan. But suddenly he’s saying, “I burned my bridge with them, so now it’s you, okay?” I thought, “My God, he was getting the thrill of working with three very strong individuals, and now I have to take all that brunt.” He did put it that way; he was “riding on the boat called Paul, and now I’m going to ride on a boat called Yoko.”

Yoko Ono, interview with Paul Trynka for MOJO, 2003

I don't believe in Beatles

I just believe in me

Yoko and me

And that's reality

John Lennon, God, Plastic Ono Band, 1970

As Pete Shotton outlined, it appears that John always did need some sort of partner. Initially John's partner was Pete, then it was Paul and finally, it was Yoko. It seems that by 1968, due to a myriad of factors both known and unknown, John no longer felt secure in his partnership with Paul so he made the move to Yoko. Now John no longer felt alone because now there was "two of us" and whatever he experienced in the past with Paul George ("But before it was me and... or me and George") didn't match up to what he was now experiencing with Yoko because, with the Beatles, from John's perspective they "weren’t in love", presumably the love that was lacking with the Beatles he found in abundance within "JohnandYoko". It's interesting though that, despite the power and supremacy of John and Yoko's partnership, even after his divorce announcement in September 1969, John was still somewhat invested in his connection to the Beatles as, even in the excitement and freshness of the partnership with Yoko, John still would "have liked them to have come along". Again, as we've seen, once the break up of the band was publicly announced, John's belief in his connection to the Beatles seemingly disappeared and was replaced with his creative and romantic partnership with Yoko. As Yoko would remember decades later, John would summarise this transition succinctly as describing himself as “riding on the boat called Paul, and now I’m going to ride on a boat called Yoko.”

Both John and Yoko underwent primal scream therapy together under the tutelage of Arthur Janov. As John later described in interviews and relayed on his Plastic Ono Band album, through primal scream therapy John had learnt to cast out the idols that he had hung to throughout his life: his parents, God, Elvis Presley and ultimately, the biggest idol of all, the Beatles. If Janov was proposing that John put all his faith, not in false idols, but only in himself, this was something John would take a tentative step towards, before relying on the security of a collective identity, this time with Yoko:

I just believe in me

Yoko and me

These two lines, in a way, represent part of the opportunity that was lost to John when he died. In 1970 he wasn't ready to just put his faith in himself, in 1973-74, during his "Lost Weekend" with May Pang, John ultimately made the decision to go back to the safety of the Dakota and Yoko, rather than the relative unknown of a new life with May where he could be his own person, maybe post 1980, as John rebuilt his career, he could have gotten to a place where he could believe in just himself.