Eat The Rich

the only way to tell if a man is truly gentle is if he has green moss and algae all over him from sleeping quietly, motionlessly, at the bottom of a crystal clear riverbed

"alas" is a truly S tier english word. fantastic mouthfeel, makes me sound like a world-weary wizard, looks cool when written out. good job to whoever created this word.

so glad this one resonated

Remember that guy on vine that would climb around shirtless with flowers on his head, and he’d keep saying “my berries.” But then it turned out he was a CIA plant put on Vine to track down leftist activists who were active on the app?

i literally just found out about the “girl from ‘is this allowed’ vine was really making out with a mannequin” controversy and now this? this is ruinedchildhood for millennials.

i’m sorry my berries guy was what now

A nice young Italian man I guess. I made this up for notes.

Feeling hostile about seeing Christmas advertisements in October

The war on Christmas will end when it ceases its illegal occupation of Autumn and retreats back behind the Thanksgiving armistice line.

Who dare disturbs Dog of Randall the jeweller

"god forbid women do anything" is one of my favorite phrases. the government shut down my experiments because it was "transforming people into horrific amalgamations of flesh and bone." god forbid women do anything. my crewmates voted me out because i keep killing them and escaping the scene through the vents. god forbid women do anything.

I want to be on a jury SOOOO bad please let me there. I want to make decisions

guilty.

Eating a gummy worm. Do NOT try to eat the other end while I'm distracted again.

Love this post. REally lets you step into the shoes of someone stealin gummy worm

children’s book illustrators r literally the cornerstone of society im not kidding. where would we be w/o that little business worm in the apple car or the brambly hedge animals making their feasts and flying their kites like literally WHERE  . do not even get me started on frog and toad 

the more I think about it the more I realize that those little girls that are obsessed with dragons are just horse girls that wanted an animal less likely to injure them

"less likely" swept me to the floor

no like imagine being a legendary voice actor bringing a character to life yourself for like 20 years and they cast some homophobe in his normal speaking voice for the big screen debut nintendo needs to pay charles martinet an apology of like a billion dollars and i am so serious