Why worry? I have books

-  Velký noční hlídač / Watchman

- author of the videomaping Milan Cais 

my friend's 5 year old recently got a toy veterinary medicine set - it's super cool, like one of those mini play kitchens a lot of kids have, but it's set up to pretend to be a vet (it's this thing) - it has stuffed animals and things to weigh them, give them medicine, take x-rays, write on their charts, etc.

so this kid, who is five and to my knowledge has no experience in the administrative bureaucracy of modern healthcare, puts a stuffed pig named Piggy on the exam table. she pretends to draw blood from Piggy using a fake syringe, and the blood goes into a toy test tube vial that she calls "the resulter"

i'm playing with her, right, so i'm like, awesome, what are the results of Piggy's blood test? and she says "we have to send it to the scientists." so we send the vial to the scientists (put it in her bedroom) and when we get back to the vet playset i'm like awesome what did the scientists say? and she says they have not gotten back to us yet

so she rolls her eyes, exasperated, and says we have to call the scientists. she pretends to call them. apparently, they tell her that Piggy's blood test is "at the bottom of the list" and "we have to WAIT." she frowns. we wait a bit longer and call them back. they tell us it will be a while! she says we should go ask the scientists in person so we go back to her bedroom and she inquires at this imaginary lab, at which point the scientists yell at her and tell her now they will make us wait even longer!

keep in mind she is 100% directing this play. she is making all this up. she is fully in control of this game, and she has decided that what we are going to pretend is that we are dealing with this exhausting nonsense, not actually treating Piggy.

finally the blood tests come back. they are inconclusive. the scientists do not know what is wrong with Piggy. the little girl walks back to the stuffed pig on the exam table, sighs deeply, and says in a very serious voice "we can never help you."

i'm obsessed with this kid. when given complete control over a make believe scenario, instead of becoming the heroic rescuer administering effective cures, she is instead a beleaguered vet making multiple calls to an overworked lab only to be left unable to help her patient.

With reaction videos, you can experience someone's first time listening to Weird Al Yankovic's "Hardware Store" for the first time.

kaz - in public, he sits pin straight, but in private he lounges around on expensive chairs like a slut. because he is. lounge away boy.

inej - she sits like a polite cat. she also likes to crouch on the floor because it's fun. will lean on you if you sit next to him.

jesper - will sit in the most extravagant way possible because he is extra and takes up space and i love him. keep taking up space please. thank you.

wylan - he lies on the floor. curls up in corners. leans on other people. clingy. he likes cool tiles because they feel nice.

matthias - manspreads. leans forwards and places his hands on his chin.

Kaz, Jesper, and Nina are the most likely to be holding office draped across an armchair with a glass of wine dangling precariously from one hand

Nina and Jesper would love a chaise lounge to recline luxuriously in while being fed grapes like a Roman Emperor

Wylan is so used to making himself as small and unnoticeable as possible, but once he's comfortable around you, he does not know the meaning of personal space

Matthias voted most likely to get sat on/laid across by someone else

Wylan and Inej are always tense, no matter what. Their bodies are physically incapable of relaxing (no this isn't me projecting shut up). Kaz used to have this problem too but he's a control freak so he figured out a way to force his muscles to unclench (Rosa Diaz saying "my body is terrified of me")

Jesper is the ADHD bisexual of all time, so not only does he take up space, he does it in the weirdest ways possible and is constantly changing position

I'm picturing Jesper laying across a couch with his head in Nina's lap and his feet in Matthias' lap (which Matthias is Matthias about of course) and then when he can't be still like that anymore just rolling off

Nina would love a weighted blanket, so of course she loves when someone else just fully lays on top of her. This is usually Inej and occasionally Jesper

Inej and Wylan are most likely to volunteer for floor time if there aren't enough chairs, but if they've done that too many times Matthias will force them to take a chair while he takes the floor

Inej sits on the edges of tables or the arms of chairs/couches. She perches

Kaz got a footrest/ottoman/whatever to be able to put his leg up, but it's constantly being used as another seat. Sometimes the person sitting there will get a pillow tossed onto their lap and become the footrest

Nina will make a whole nest out of blankets and pillows wherever she is. If she can't completely disappear into it, it's not good enough

I imagine this can restrict her line of sight enough that it makes it even easier for Inej to sneak up on her. She'll look up from the book she's been absorbed in and get jumpscared by Inej sitting at her feet or dozing using Nina's side/the nest as a pillow, or staring at her from across the room like a cat

Thanks, Anon!

Tiny houses.

Not the concept, the notion, the Platonic ideal of a low-cost low-impact high-efficiency dwelling. That’s great. That’s awesome.

What really imagines my dragons is that in practice about 9 times out of 10 tiny house communities are just a way for rich hipsters to finally fulfil their greatest fantasy:

@acarefreewind

Okey

Reducing the fat content does not inherently increase the healthiness of your food.

Reducing the sugars does not inherently increase the healthiness of your food.

The only way to increase the healthiness of your food is by adding additional nutrients to it.

I saw a video of someone complaining that fucking chicken tikka masala "wasn't healthy" so they made a "healthier version" that was, in fact, LESS HEALTHY. Because they made it with only fat free dairy products, rendering many of the vitamins they would have otherwise gotten from that meal utterly useless, because the body needs fats in order to absorb them properly.

Two tbsp of brown sugar does not render a meal "unhealthy." Full fat dairy products do not render a meal "unhealthy." Calorically dense foods do not render a meal "unhealthy."

If you're really concerned about your health, add more nutrients. Eat extra veggies or extra protein. But you're not actually worried about your health. You're worried about your weight.

You're worried that in the process of eating a homemade meal with lean protein and veggies and a rich, delicious sauce you will consume more energy than you can use today.

You're worried that energy might be stored so that your body can use it when it needs to later.

You're worried that your relationship with gravity might change. You've been taught to worry about that. You've been taught to misconstrue manufacturered body issues as being "health conscious." But you're not doing things to promote health. You're just trying to reduce your energy consumption no matter what.