Holy sh*t, guys I just had a massive brainwave concerning Izzy’s ring on his necktie and what Con told us/let slip about it the other day … !
A timely TRIGGER-WARNING for violence, gore, heartbreak, dubious consent, and torture, before you move on from here.
In episode 109, when Stede is about to be killed by the firing squad, Izzy has his smaller tirade about it being “quick and humane” – on which I have seen multiple takes, usually responding to the fact that it sounds like he is still calling Stede a pet, and referring to him by this animal-coded language. (This was my original take as well. That he was literally comparing 'Stede getting shot by the british' to the humanity of 'putting down your dog, so it doesn't have to suffer'.)
But the brainwave that just hit me is this:
I think – in fact, in spite of this only hitting me like 38 seconds ago, I feel convinced – that these words are not referring to the ‘pet’-thing at all.
Izzy is talking about the love that HE lost.
“This is a humane way of ending it. It’s quick. It’s clean. Edward you know that!”
The man/person Izzy loved was killed – in an inhumane, slow, non-clean way. It basically sounds like he was tortured to death.
And I think Ed and Izzy both bore witness to this — that’s why Izzy is saying “Edward you know that!”. He is trying to remind him of the horrors they witnessed when HE lost his one great love. He is trying to protect Ed from going through the agony of what he went through.
(Note: This excuses literally none of Izzy’s actions in s1. I am only talking about how Izzy himself might’ve seen his actions – and what approach Con O’Neill might have had to this specific scene.)
Post-writing edit: The following almost became a very gory one-shot. So please only read on if you’re okay with that. (Same TW as at the beginning — gore, violence, torture, dubious consent, and massive heartbreak.) I wanna be quite clear – this is not entirely what I think happened; this is just what jumped into my head, as I had this brainwave. I am going to be writing a second version of this at some point, where I move A LOT closer to the points already made in canon (especially regarding a named character and a named animal, which does not appear in the one shot underneath here).
I have this vivid image of Ed and Izzy standing in a crowd of pirates – with their captain front and centre, along with this young man who has done something that displeased the captain. The young man is a friend of Ed & Izzy – and he is also Izzy’s great love (though Izzy hasn’t dared to commit to him). It’s a sort of ‘trial’ but there’s nothing fair about it. The young man is being whipped, tortured and beaten – the crowd is excitedly yelling, egged on by a ruthless captain. Izzy keeps wanting to help the young man, but Ed is restraining him, knowing full well that if Izzy does anything that could let the captain know how he feels for the young man, Izzy will be killed too. Both of them feel like their insides are on fire, being forced to watch this. It escalates and the poor young man is turning unrecognisable – misshapen from the violence enforced on his body.
When the captain finally decides it’s time to disperse, the young man is still breathing, though barely. Other pirates are being warned not to go near him, or they’ll “feel the captain’s wrath”. Ed and Izzy are some of the last to leave – their faces dissolved in silent tears and agony for their friend. Ed is holding on to Izzy, to keep him upright on his feet. Izzy has lost all feeling in his body. The deck is covered in blood and water. The air is salty and smells distinctly of iron.
A few hours pass. The captain and the rest of the crew seem merry. Like it’s any other day. A couple of them only half-heartedly so, but they’re still joining in – not wanting to pull attention towards themselves. Ed and Izzy are there too. They’re not joining in, but they’re not sticking out either. Ed made sure they sat down at the corner end of the table – furthest away from their captain, and mostly in shadows. Close to the door, so they can sneak out when they dare to do so. Izzy’s not speaking. Neither is Ed – though he gives a cursory nod here and there to people handing them food and drink. Ed pours a glass of rum and hands it to Izzy, but Izzy grabs the bottle instead, not looking at Ed – not looking at anybody, in fact, but the captain. Ed drinks the rum in the glass himself, as Izzy takes a swig from the bottle.
At some point the captain – full of food and drunk on rum and spirits – starts nodding asleep at the end of the table. The other pirates are rowdy and don’t pay attention to anything other than rum, cards, and drunken singing anymore.
Ed and Izzy take the opportunity to sneak off and see their friend.
It’s after nightfall. As they move outside, they’re met by someone claiming to be standing guard (for sh*ts and giggles let’s hc that it’s Calico Jack – and he’s not actually standing guard over anything, he just went outside to take a leak over the side of the boat and now that he’s seen Ed and Izzy, he wants to see if he can convince either of them to ‘celebrate the night’ (barf, sorry guys, I really hate him 🤢) with a bit’o’buggery …) – neither of them is in the mood for CJ’s sh*t, but they also know that if anyone on this ship would be able to wake the captain from his slumber now, it’d be Calico Jack.
“Nah, man, we just wanted some air —” Ed says, putting a hand on CJ’s shoulder in the hopes of steering him back inside. Calico takes the opportunity to slide underneath Ed’s arm and press himself up against him, grinding his groin against Ed’s hip. Ed sends Calico a ‘flirty’ grin that Jack is too drunk and careless to realise is anything but that. Jack grabs a hold of Ed’s arse, and continues to grind up against him. Ed manages to motion to Izzy that he’ll distract Jack, so Izzy can go to the young man still lying on the deck. Izzy sends Ed a pained expression – but Ed waves him off, annoyed that he’s wasting the precious time Ed is buying him right now.
Izzy managed to sneaks off undetected, as Calico drunkenly leads Ed below deck.
The moon is showering the deck in misty blue-tinted light. As Izzy reaches the furthest end of the deck, he nearly slides on something, looks down and is stopped in his tracks. He has stepped in a trail of thick blood. He follows the trail with his eyes, and is met by the sight of the young man (I’m headcanoning here) – Izzy’s great love – lying before him, motionless and covered in blood, his limbs in horribly awkward positions.
Izzy’s legs give out and he falls to his knees. It’s like the air has been forcibly removed from his lungs.
He tries to take it all in, but everything is clouding his mind. His breath is ragged and the tears are running down his cheeks.
Without thinking about consequences or what would happen if anybody found him, he reaches out, grabbing the nearest part of the young man – his leg. The young man lets out the tiniest whimper of a moan of agony. Izzy’s mind goes into overdrive –
“Felix?? Can you hear me?” he whispers loudly.
The young man stirs and makes a noise in return.
Izzy scrambles – crawling as fast as he can – to reach the part where the young man’s head is lying.
“Felix – I’m here. I’m here. Can you hear me??” Izzy strokes the young man’s head – trying to be gentle, but so out of sorts, hyperventilating and shaking all over, that it’s still a little too rough.
“Ough, I - Iz … is … that you?” the young man somehow manages to get the words out, though it’s clear that it’s costing him everything he has.
“Yeah – yes. It’s – I’m, I’m here,” Izzy smiles through his tears, “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere –”. Moving to cradle him in his arms, Izzy’s hanging onto every bit of the young man’s mangled body that he can.
The young man opens one eye as much as possible – the other is too swollen and bruised. He meets Izzy’s eyes and even through the pain there’s a clear moment of recognition between them.
“Hi –” he says softly to Izzy, nearly managing a smile.
“Hi –” an exasperated laugh, through uncountable tears, escapes Izzy, before his hyperventilated breath turns the laughter to sobs, “I’m so sorry – I’m so sorry. I should have done something. I should have been braver. I sh- I should have stood up for you – I-I —”.
“N-no,” the young man’s voice was coming in ragged breaths, “there was n-nothing you cou-could’ve done n-now … n-not when it came t-this f-far …”
The young man rested his head against Izzy’s chest.
“We have to do something, I gotta get you to shore – I gotta —” Izzy was floundering, trying to force reality to make up a way of saving his love.
It felt like Izzy’s heart was slowly sliding out of his chest – it only made him act more frantic.
“No. No, you’re not. I won’t allow it – I-I’ll get someone – I’ll …”
“Iz. It’s over.” Felix said in the softest voice, and Izzy stopped in his tracks. The unwavering finality of those words made the hairs on the back of Izzy’s neck stand on end.
He took a breath, before looking up at Felix again.
“Please don’t leave me.” Izzy pleaded.
“I’ll s-see you again …” Felix eyes was starting to slide shut. Izzy was crying in earnest now.
“L-look at me, Israel …” Izzy met Felix’ eye, “I l-love you –”
Izzy’s eyebrows narrowed and for a brief second he closed his eyes in agony at the words. Those words he had never dared utter. Everyone he loved left him. His dad, his mum – and now Felix … But this was the end. He had to say them now, or Felix would never hear it.
Meeting Felix’ eye again, Izzy gathered all his courage and took in a breath, “I lo—”.
But the sentence got quenched on the way out of his mouth, as Felix’ whole body became limp.
Izzy’s brain couldn’t compute. It was like someone had just ripped reality away from under him, and he was floating into the limbo of infinite space.
The he realised what had happened.
Izzy’s eyes widened, staring panicky at the young man in his arms, “Felix?”.
He tried shaking him gently, but no response. He shook him again, a little more desperately, but no response.
He shook him again – and again – and again — every time a little more vigorously, calling out his name, his panicked desperation rising with every shake. But no response.
The realisation flushed over Izzy and the overwhelming grief hit him like a tidal wave. Crying, his whole body shaking, and his breath a mess of hyperventilated sobs, he grabbed Felix’ limp body and squeezed him as close to him as he would.
“I’m - I’m sorry”, he heaved in a big breath, “I-I’m s-so sorry, F-Felix”, he wailed, crying so hard he could hardly get the words out.
“I l- … I lo- …” Izzy swallowed and kissed Felix’ forehead, “I love y-you.”
Finally saying it, but knowing that Felix couldn’t hear him, made the words feel hollow, even though Izzy knew it was the truth.
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry sorry, Felix –”
He cradled him closer. He could have sat like this, just holding him, till sunrise if it wouldn’t have been too dangerous for him. But he couldn’t leave him. Not yet. How was he supposed to get up? How was he supposed to leave him here, lying in a pool of blood, knowing full well what would happen when morning came and everyone else, including the captain, woke up. He needed to get up and out of the way. But he couldn’t move. He couldn’t —
“Iz?” a soft voice spoke rang out clearly behind him.
In a panic, Izzy lifted his head and stared in the direction of the sound.
It was Ed. He looked slightly disheveled, and had a concerned look on his face.
“How long were you standing there?” Izzy asked, trying to hold in his crying.
“A little bit …” Ed answered gently and knelt down next to Izzy and looked at Felix with deep sorrow in his eyes.
But the gentleness scared Izzy more than anything. Felix had been gentle. Gentle would get you killed on a pirate ship.
Izzy let Felix slip slowly out of his arms and immediately got to his feet. Without a second glance he just said, “I’m gonna go clean up” and left Ed sitting on the floor next to Felix.
“Iz –” Ed called after him in a whisper. But no response. He turned his head back to Felix.
“I wish this wasn’t the end, my friend. Thank you for everything.” He stroked his left hand over Felix’ hair and placed his right hand on Felix’ chest. Ed sat like this for a moment, before deciding that Felix’s hands should be folded on top of each other.
As Ed placed Felix’ right hand on top of his left, Ed noticed something on Felix’s finger – he stopped for a moment, looking back and glancing after Izzy.
“I recon you’d still want him to have it, wouldn’t you?” Ed asked the body that used to belong to Felix, “yeah, I thought so.”
There was a knock on the door.
“Fuck off.” Izzy said annoyed, trying pulling a pair of trousers on his damp legs.
Another knock – and another, slightly more insistent one.
“Fuck OFF!” Izzy shouted incensed, “Can’t a man get a second of peace to take a bath on this fucking ship??”
“I’m not leaving till you open the door.” Ed said calmly from the other side of the door.
Izzy stopped and looked at the door. For a moment incapable of moving.
Then the door unlocked. And Ed looked at Izzy, no more blood on him, and dressed only in his trousers.
“What do you want?” Izzy asked.
Ed held out his hand and uncurled his fingers. Resting in the palm of his hand was a ring with a small, green stone. A ring Izzy knew well, because he had held the hand on which it had resided. Izzy’s eyes shot up to meet Ed’s, his expression unreadable.
“You know what it is.” Ed answered calmly. He knew that this whole situation was too much for Izzy to handle.
“Why the fuck are you giving it to me?” Izzy couldn’t believe that Ed of all people would have dared stealing from Felix like that.
“Because he wanted you to have it.” Ed answered plainly.
“I’m sorry, what?” Izzy asked breathlessly.
“He wanted you to have it. He told me. A while ago.”, Ed was trying to relay the information as non-emotionally as possible, because he knew Izzy didn’t want it any other way, but Ed’s voice was slightly wobbly, “It was his mum’s ring, and he wanted you to have it.”
Izzy looked at the ring. Swallowed. Took a breath. Swallowed again. Then looked up at Ed.
“What a fucking arsehole.” He said affectionately, quelling the grief that was about to rise to the surface again. He and Ed both chuckled briefly.
Izzy looked back down at the ring in Ed’s hand, holding his gaze on it for a moment. Then swallowed. Ran a hand over the bridge of his nose and over his face, before reaching out and quickly grabbing the ring, as though he didn’t want Ed to see that he took it. He couldn’t even look at Ed.
Izzy reached out his other hand to shut the door again, but stopped it —
Izzy met Ed’s eyes for the briefest second. The a sob threatened to escape his mouth, and he let the door swing closed.
When Ed saw Izzy the next day, neither of them said a word about the events of the night before.
But Ed saw that Izzy had placed the ring around the knot of his necktie.
(Literally sharing this within an hour after writing it. And a second version will follow at some point!)
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