#ofmd fic

1. Soft dom Stede Bonnet. Captain Voice, "stand down", "on ya feet!", "you were gonna burn my face off, remember?", "what'd you do with him?"

2. Modern AU Ed Teach loves Prince. It's in a number of fics. Probably because Prince was fucking amazing (what a loss) and talented and beautiful and masc and femme and told gender to fuck off way back to the 70s and never apologized for it and was still a sex symbol. Also, purple.

3. Bear with me ... Modern AU Izzy Hands is still a dick but less so, due to different societal trappings (and perhaps has more potential to realistically redeem himself without dying). The only way he can be the same level of dick in a modern AU is if they're running a criminal enterprise, something that comes parallel to the pirate thing. Otherwise, he's usually just an angry bureaucrat who's obsessed with Ed. Just without the pirate part.

4. Olu and Jim are in love in every universe, anchors for each other.

5. Modern AU Archie is either a new employee of Ed's or is one of his oldest friends. I like both. Because Archie is so funny and odd, but I think her chaotic personality works with Ed's love of whimsy. Side note, mostly unrelated... I noticed that people make up all kinds of shit about what Archie is short for... Madeleine Sami has Indian ancestry, and Archie is a common nickname for the Indian name Archana, so in my head, that's her full given name.

6. Stede is closer to Alma than to Louis. Makes sense. She's older, and she's sharp like Mary but maybe enough like Stede for him to feel that. She was hurt when he left. Louis was maybe too young to be.

7. Frenchie and Wee John are platonic partners. Like many, I read Frenchie as aroace. But I like them together. They have a similar level of disinterest that isn't really disinterest. They're room people now.

8. Lucius loves Fang. It's not really canon (?), but it makes perfect sense. He did draw him. Fang did develop affection for him. Lucius does like older men (Pete is old enough to be his father).

Things I don't really like to see but are common:

1. Helpless Ed. Ed is sensitive and soft, but he's extremely competent and also resilient. I think that gets lost sometimes when people are trying to write his emotional journey.

2. Extremely low self esteem Stede. Stede is definitely hard on himself, but he's also a bit high on his own supply. There's a nuance there that creates a tough balance to strike. He's not cocky, but he's also not a quivering little mouse man. He fakes it till he makes it. He's also a wealthy white man in the 18th century. Even if he was bullied, he's still used to people doing what he says.

3. Calico Jack and the Badmintons as one-note villains. They're used as stand-ins, I think, when a villain is needed. Canonically, Jack is boorish and mean to Stede, but it's calculated. It's a fuckery, if you will. Nigel B was played as genuinely believing he and Stede were friends, as twisted as that may be. Chauncey B had lost his twin and gone a little mad. They had reasons for their behavior. Sometimes they're written as just being wankers because the plot needs wankers.

6. Izzy and Ed grew up together. Forgetting that they're ten years apart and from different parts of the world, their relationship reads very "we met at work" to me.

“Stede,” Ed said slowly, and even to his own ears he sounded a bit faint, “why do you have a llama in the living room?” Stede closed the front door behind him with a sigh. “Actually, Jeff’s an alpaca.” Felt like that was sort of missing the point here, but sure. Ed would play ball. “Okay. Stede, why do you have an alpaca in your living room?” — Other guys have their mid-life crisis, they buy an irresponsible sports car. But Edward Teach—formerly one of the greatest Formula 1 Drivers of all time, now Just Some Guy—already has a sports car. Actually, he has six. So he buys an irresponsible hobby farm instead. Weirdly, this does not fill the hole in his heart. But his highly neurotic rescue dog and new hot vet boyfriend might... If Stede would fucking call him back.

The Fast & the Fluffiest, Or: UNLIKELY ANIMAL FRIENDS RETIRED RACING DOG AND ALPACA LOVE EACH OTHER REAL NOT CLICKBAIT is live now! my @ofmd-reverse-bang collab with @knifeturtlelives, who wrote the cutest, fluffiest, and most profoundly heartwarming story based on my "idk i just think there should be an alpaca" prompt 🦙

lots of literal fluff, rescue animals, Ed finding himself after a lifetime in high-intensity spotlight, brings-his-very-alive-work-home veterinarian Stede, and unlicensed alpaca midwifery - READ HERE!

by chaotic_neutral_knitter (5610 words) Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Canon Era, Canon Compliant, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, Stede Bonnet Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach, POV Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Post-Season/Series 02, Grief/Mourning, Past Suicide Attempts, Guilt, Izzy is dead but they do talk about him a lot, Ed believes some really bad stuff about himself, Author (and stede) do not believe that stuff about him, Hugging, so much hugging when are they not hugging, going on a stupid little walk for your stupid mental health, Trauma, Talking About Feelings, Nightmares Summary:

I’m delighted about this lovely collab I did with my dearest Ida, who a made a beautiful story out of this art 🥰

Ed drives her to the appointment at the salon.

Alma comes home with bright bubblegum pink hair as expected. Less expected are the matching pink strands framing Ed’s face.

For 15 they choose blue, 16 is purple, for 17 they go green, 18 is red.

At 19, when Alma’s away at college, they facetime as she applies a box of orange dye in the dorm bathroom while Stede carefully paints dye into Ed’s slut strands in the middle of their kitchen.

Before they wrap up the call Ed takes the brush and gives Stede a little streak of orange too.