i do very much enjoy that most phm/gracerocky artists have completely forgone the whole "their atmospheres would kill each other" thing just to make them cuddle. with love anything is possible
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I want my fic to get more visibility tumblr pls work your magic
Kim Dokja is hated. (Dear gods, he is so loved.)
please give my fic a try! Fanart is absolutely welcome and if you like it please leave a kudos, comment, maybe recommend it to a friend you think would like it!
Not even going to make an in-depth post about this, bottom line is I think it just hurts being a trans man and having to see people trip over themselves trying to find every possible reason why a historical figure couldn’t have been a trans man. As if the idea of someone being a trans man instead of a cis woman is so awful that it can only be entertained if the person is alive and able to scream in everyone’s faces that they’re a man. And even then, he’ll be told what a shame it is.
Why is being seen as a trans man a fate worse than death. Why aren’t I ever allowed to see myself.
Transmasculine person: “Here is a shitty experience I had specifically because I am transmasculine. #transandrophobia”
Non-transmasc: “Ummm actually that’s just regular transphobia lol. Men aren’t oppressed for being MEN”
Transmasc: “You know I’m not really interested in the opinions of someone who isn’t transmasculine on this topic, I don’t think you really get to be an authority in this situation”
Non-transmasc: “UGH. Fine, if you’re going to be a whiny little transandrobro here’s some theory to prove it!! *links article by someone who isn’t transmasculine*”
Transmasc: “Hey that’s not really solving the issue of not being a transmasculine voice, also didn’t the author of that article issue an apology for not consulting enough with us before making broad statements that don’t reflect reality?”
Non-transmasc: “God I can’t believe you birthday boys literally hate all women and think they shouldn’t speak. #TWERF tw #transmisogyny #transandrocel tw #kill all TMEs”
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No. I know this is probably just a casual commiseration but I think it's a real and important question to ask and answer. If doing the stuff you're expected to do everyday is super hard, then something is probably wrong.
Anyone who relates to this too hard, I'd recommend looking up spoon theory and starting to make a record of how you feel and your experiences that you can bring up with some kind of health professional. Chances are if doing laundry feels like climbing everest, it's because you're disabled in some way. Whether that disability is some invisible chronic illness or depression or ADHD or burnout, *something* is wrong.
Almost all disabilities have some form of treatment or accommodation that can make your life easier. If you can get a diagnosis, you might also be eligible for official accommodations and benefits. Social security sucks ass and is almost impossible to access but like, it's not the only thing out there set up to help disabled folks and usually local organizations are gonna be better anyway.
Plenty of people reblogging this probably already know they're disabled in some way but if even 1 person sees this and can learn something important about themselves then it's worth saying.
TLDR: people who aren't disabled don't find acts of daily living extremely hard. Maybe look into that and see if you can get help making your life less hard.
This is super important okay. Like, I used to try to ask my conservative family/church/etc. for help, and they’d just be all, “suck it up; life is hard for everyone; quit being such a baby”... and then I went to, like, actual experts, and they were basically like, “um, wow, you’re clearly super depressed and suicidal; you should actually be proud of yourself for still being alive!” And I’m still trying to unlearn the former and accept the latter, even after all this time. And I’m so mad that I’ve wasted so much time just trying to “push through it” instead of getting help I clearly need(ed), and that’s still a thing I struggle with.
Please, please seek real help if you need it. Like, I understand that there are shitty doctors and shitty therapists and whatnot, but it’s so worth expending what effort you can to find good ones who can help. If you have mentally ill friends -- which, if you’re reading this in the first place, you almost certainly do -- they might be able to point you in the right direction.
I have a friend with insane ADD and we have this same conversation sometimes
She can't actually even define laziness (which is weird) but she thought she was just lazy, life was that hard for everyone, and that everyone else was just being more responsible at managing it. I told her laziness feels good once and she blue screened.
Like if you can't define laziness, you've probably been convinced it's something that it's not. Probably something nebulous and hard to describe. Like, idk, an unknown disorder.
In case you're one such person, laziness feels great. It's not stressful. It's like the opposite of stressful. If you're being stressed and lazy at the same time you've managed to do it wrong somehow. The only struggle in being lazy is wanting the tv remote and being to darn comfortable to want to move. (But you get it anyways, because it's not an inability to get the remote. You were just cozy.)
Think of it like a cat sitting near a warm heater or a hamster so relaxed it "melts". If there were danger, or if the animal were hungry, it would get up. It probably doesn't want to get up because it's comfortable but it will. If the hamster is actually genuinely hungry but it can't get up and it's just laying there stressed and starving, you would take your animal to the vet because it has a problem.
That’s how it was for me growing up, too. I seriously thought everyone was constantly exhausted, confused, and in pain like I was and I was just really, really bad at dealing with it, didn’t want to try hard enough, and was just lazy.
Additional gentle reminder that the regular amount of unidentifiable/unexpected pain is none. The normal amount of unidentifiable/unexpected pain is none.
Sore the next day after a workout? Makes sense.
Sore for the next week after a workout? Not normal.
Barked your shin on a low coffee table and have an ache/bruise? Expected.
Gently brushed past the doorframe and your arm feels like it's on fire? Not normal.
Joint pain in your teens/20's is not normal. Heart problems in your teens/20's are not normal. Continual (AKA chronic!) fatigue despite diet/sleep schedule is not normal.
If you cannot point to an event or series of events that caused the discomfort/pain you are experiencing ("I fell off my bike", "I walked 3 miles", "I slept poorly", "I haven't been getting all the nutrients I need"), it's probably not normal! And it is okay to want that discomfort/pain to stop, even if it's mild! Most people are not going through their daily lives consistently uncomfortable or in pain.
Most people are not going through their daily lives uncomfortable or in pain.
You deserve to be comfortable and to have things be easy. Whether that looks like readjusting your life and expectations or getting professional help (medical/mental/other), you deserve it. I promise.
I love rewatching things especially bc I'm the kind of person who watches things for the first time and takes them at face value, then once I'm done I rewatch them over and over to dissect it and I love doing it because its like admiring the beautiful wrapping on a gift that someone gave, and slowly and gradually discovering more and more beautiful layers to it and sometimes my friends will be like "How did you not get that?! It was right in front of your face???" and I have to explain the First Time Dumb Time of my brain rules where Brain simply Does Not register things for the first time and I still like it bc its my brain and it lets me discover the beauty slowly and more thoroughly later on
Rejected from society Angel Grace who was forced out of his home in the sky. Forced to live among the humans in San Francisco, California. He choose the area for its marine layer, a term he coined from a textbook his roommate lent him, as it closely resembled his home back in the sky.
Grace, who still tends to stretch his back like he’s stretching his wings. But nothing happens. No outward motion or soft sound of the feathers in the gentle wind.
thinking about rocky watching ryland sleep and hearing the blood rush through his veins, listening in wonder at how fragile and yet how strong he is.
thinking about ryland leaning on rocky’s xenonite walls to keep warm while he’s starving, wishing he could touch them properly, dying to know how their rough carapace feels on his skin and run his fingers over their markings.
thinking about rocky finally hearing how ryland was sent on the mission against his will, and rather than being upset that he was a coward like he thought they’d be, they curse stratt and everyone on earth for sending the best of them to die with no regard for his autonomy. they tell him they’re glad he’s coming to erid, because earth doesn’t deserve someone as good as him.
thinking about them arriving at erid, rocky having to control the ship to land it on the space elevator even though they’ve never done it before, because ryland is so weak. they’re willing to do just about anything to make sure that their human gets to safety.
thinking about how rocky never leaves ryland’s side during his recovery. adrian joins them, watching the strange yet beautiful creature and understanding why their mate is so captivated.
thinking about how even after ryland recovers, they never leave each other alone for very long. rocky is always rolling up to the biodome to make sure ryland is okay, when in reality it’s more because they want to see their precious human. whenever they leave him, ryland always waits with baited breath for their return.
thinking about ryland not wanting to get in the way of rocky and adrian’s healing relationship, so he distances himself. no matter how many times rocky tries to get through to him, he refuses to listen, insisting that they focus on their mate, not their pet alien. in the end, it’s adrian themself that convinces ryland that yes, rocky can have multiple mates and is not choosing one over the other at any given time. they know their rocky and they know that they’re not about to leave any time soon. after that, ryland officially becomes rocky’s mate.
thinking about how when rocky finishes building his xenonite suit, they finally get to be close together. the film over rocky’s hands is thin, letting them feel every inch of ryland. they touch his squishy stomach and feel the organs shifting, run their hands through his soft hair and relish the sound, finally hold his hand in theirs and clutch it close to them. they’re so gentle, so careful with their fragile human. ryland loves every second, tempted to undergo even more burning just to get closer.
thinking about rocky making ceremonial jewelry specifically for ryland, insistent that he try the pieces on as soon as they finish. the crystals hang from his wrists and neck, and are tied into his hair so they chime in the wind of the dome. he looks beautiful, because of course he does. rocky says as much and ryland cries. rocky thinks he’s beautiful even then.
thinking about ryland caring for rocky and adrian’s pebbles. they love him so much and he feels his heart split down the middle every time he sees them running toward him in their tiny xenonite suits. they call him “parent grace”, which he feels like he doesn’t deserve sometimes, but rocky and adrian assure him that yes, he does. it means the world to him.
-
thinking about ryland aging. he confides in rocky that he thinks his time is coming, because it is.
“it comes for everyone,” he explains.
“it’s too soon,” rocky counters. “you can’t die, my grace, not yet. i’ll find a way, i’ll make the scientists—“
“no, rock.” he breathes deeply, moving on past the pain in his chest as he does so. “i don’t want anything like that.”
“…why not?” rocky stamps their foot on the gravel beach. “you could have so much more life. with the pebbles, with— with me. why choose not to, why choose to leave?”
ryland smiles, the crow’s feet around his eyes crinkling. “i’ve lived one heck of a life, my love. i… used to not want to die. i wanted to do everything and anything i could to stay alive. i didn’t know why before. now, i think it’s because i knew i hadn’t really lived yet. now, i’ve saved two whole worlds and had my life’s work proven right. i have a home. i have you, adrian, my friends, my kids… i’ve lived enough for several lifetimes, actually. so… i think it’s time to let go, finally.”
rocky doesn’t know how to respond. they echolocate at ryland, hearing his soft hair blowing in the wind and watching his heart beat. it’s so slow now, slower every day. it hurts him to even get out of bed in the morning. and yet, he still smiles. they love it when he smiles.
they pad over and run a claw over the scar on his arm left over from when they saved his life. it’s pale now, mostly faded, but still there despite everything. they have one too now, an outline of his hand on their arm to match. a permanent reminder.
“okay,” they say. “i won’t talk to the doctors anymore.”
ryland smiles, and rocky wishes they could see his true brightness. “i love you, pal.”
“i love you too, grace.”
-
thinking about soulmates. how there’s no way the two of them don’t love each other after all they’ve been through.
brain: i think this characters struggle is unfair and their reaction to it is justified and they deserve to be angry and hurt but they keep trying to handle it (often doing so very well) and keep trying to make up for their mistakes, whether real or imagined and they keep throwing themself into reckless situations where they sacrifice themself in order to make up for their sins and I absolutely love that guilt and the fact that they only know how to show love through sacrifice and their loved ones are only being further hurt by their actions
what comes out of my mouth: I love my pathetic sacrificial bastards im gonna kill em if they don't stop killing themselves
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Not enough stories with disabled protags who were once independent loners and abled struggling with their new reality of relying on others. Where is the anger? . Where is your rage? Lets scream abt it. Rage rage rage.
Theres too much tip-toeing around the writing of violatile emotions for my liking when its part of the grief for your own body/ability. Grief thats mistaken for ungratefulness. Whatever.
Im gonna be so real i think that people are scared to show anger from disabled people bc they are scared of seeing disabled people through a lense of the average person.
They think the most saintly thing you can do is care for someone disables but don't care about the emotions the disabled person themselves feel. Once you reach a certain threshold of disability, people stop seeing you as on the same level of humanity as everyone else. So the thought of a disabled person actually having negative emotion towards this help is shocking to them.
Sympathy is handed out to those exhausted and hurt from having to care for disabled people (which is fine), but not those whom may be in the process of mourning their own bodies/ability/mind. We can show a nurse/doctor having a breakdown, have entire genres of show and movie and book revolve around it, but if a disabled person lashes out thats seen as something much crueler in the eyes of the typical viewer. Its spoken about in the same vein of a dog who bites and thus "needs to be put down".
Why? Why? One day that could be you. You are not safe from one day becoming disabled. Nobody is.
and sometimes the character wouldn’t try to push through sickness and do their day job or whatever. again i see what you’re going for but sometimes in these fics something else can happen. open your hearts and minds to scenarios such as “the character is actually pretty expressive about their needs and is willing to complain a lot but the other characters still don’t take it that seriously for whatever reason and have to deal with the guilt and quencies after”. or “the character takes a rest at the appropriate time (or earlier!) but then faces punishment/being ignored/hostility for doing so and that is what worsens their condition into a serious one.” or “the character is a practical one who informs people sensibly and takes every necessary step, yet to their distress their condition still spirals out of the control.” or whatever else but just do you see what i’m saying not every character is a silent sufferer and that isn’t the only way to put them in a situation . we can innovate
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[Grisps you] On Erid everyone starts out calling Grace “Hero Grace” or “Savior Grace” and it makes him kinda uncomfy for reasons he can’t articulate, but the pebbles he teaches and their parents call him “Teacher Grace” and that feels more right. And then as time goes on and he graduates more and more classes, more and more of Erid is calling him “Teacher Grace” until it’s rare to hear him called anything else. And he finally feels like he’s where he’s supposed to be. Okay good night.
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