Insomnia Chronicles

I tend to read through them and think through them and see if it applies to me in any way. If it doesn't, I just scroll past and let it be. But if it does, and I notice that I do, in fact, tend to do that, I'll silently cringe and go "yikes, I had never thought that doing something like that would logically naturally have that kind of consequences. I sure am glad I learned this way and not the hard way", and then discreetly never do that again and hope that nobody noticed or remembers that I used to do that.

you can sit down to do it

you can buy things pre-chopped

frozen is fine

tinned is fine

microwave is fine

the powder version is fine

the box mix is fine

the correct recipe is the one that you like the most

the correct method is the one that you can do

good nutrition is the food you can actually eat and enjoy

do not eat mouldy or rotten food

you do not need to wash the chicken you are going to cook the chicken washing the chicken just spreads raw meat bacteria all over the kitchen please stop washing chicken it is not necessary and it is the opposite of helpful

don't use raw meat knife for raw veggies or cheese unless you've washed it good

authenticity is a lie, make the version that you personally enjoy you are the person who is going to be eating it

i am serious stop giving a fuck about someone's imaginary nonna disapproving of your food she's not the one eating it you are

the correct amount of spice is the amount you are happy with

food that looks a mess can still taste just fine, your stomach isn't instagram

check you turned the stove off after

all condiments go with all things it is your mouth they're going into

unusal flavour combinations can be really effective!

check the plastic/glass is heatsafe before putting boiling water in it

most foods can be frozen

do not put dripping wet thing into hot fat. regret.

salt

set timer. "i'll just remember it's in the oven" that is the devil talking set a fucking timer

the washing machine is not a cooking appliance

if the cat has sat on it or licked it you need to wash it before you eat with/from it.

see also dog

wash hands after handling raw meat and before handling cheese that you're not cooking.

most germs do not survive being cast into the flames

if you like cheese you can and should put cheese on that.

do not eat the off egg. it will not be fine. you will have a bad bathroom time.

different oils have different smoke points. a smoke point is when the pan starts smoking. it makes stuff taste less good and stick to the pan.

sometimes less heat for longer is what you want. you cannot always do big heat for short time. if you want short time because you're in a hurry: microwave.

do not put the wet thing in the toaster

it can be soup. it can always be soup.

non-stick does not mean no oil

skipping preheating is not a good idea and makes things stick to stuff and cook weirdly

the correct texture for the noodles/pasta is the one that you are happy eating

see also egg

1.) I don’t understand how that can be

2.) But I’ve never done fieldwork from a car before (!!!) so I’ll take your word for it.

“Heeeey”, she said, like someone gently broaching a topic I should have noticed, “Why does the lane next to us have diamond shaped symbols on it?”

That is! A subtle and friendly way of asking why we’re sitting in traffic when there’s a carpool lane Right There! I laughed and pulled into the lane and started driving.

Unfortunately. That isn’t what she was implying, she was genuinely asking. So we were stuck in traffic, she asked about what was clearly a breakdown or emergency access lane, and I laughed and started driving in it. She was Alarmed.

“Hello! Excuse me! We can’t drive in this lane! No one else is driving in this lane!!”

“Oh! I should have said — this lane is for people with more than one person in their car.”

“That is RIDICULOUS. You are lying. You are lying about what this lane is for and we’ll get arrested! (ma’am it’s fine but if it weren’t it would be more of a “ticket” situation) we’ll get a “ticket”! (Ma’am again it’s fine but were it not I alone would get the ticket) because that IS NOT the purpose of this lane. That is a RIDICULOUS lie.”

“I’m sorry, I should have said — I thought you were being subtle about my oversight. Please observe the carpool sign.”

“I don’t know what a carpool is and I don’t believe you.”

“How about you look at all the cars stuck in traffic and see how many have more than one driver, and if there are at least five I’ll get back into the traffic jam.”

“FINE!”

<a pause>

(With dawning horror) “none of these cars have more than one person in them.”

“I know.”

“None of these cars have more than one person!!”

“If you weren’t here I’d be right there with them.”

“OK but there was no train to where we needed to go.”

“There’s no train to where they needed to go either.”

“I know McDonalds and Burger King sell Burgers, but what does Wendy’s sell?”

“Burgers”

“And Sonic?”

“Burgers.”

“Jack in the Box?”

“Burgers.”

“In’n’Out?”