Oh honey no

a watched nut never busts. or something. i dont fucking know what you people find funny anymore. 9/11.

why is this the one

sad news, my son Crispin Shopify III saw a picture of me when i was breastfeeding him as a baby. the psychiatrists all agreed that exposure to this act which is potentially incestuous and sexual was equivalent to infinite permanent sexual trauma, and so we've decided to euthanize him and just start again from the beginning. hopefully i wont fuck it up again this time. god bless.

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

the bus is never going to come because im a bad person

a hat that says THE ATTITUDES OF WOMEN AND FISH TOWARD ME ARE TOO VARIED AND COMPLEX TO BE ACCURATELY DESCRIBED ON A HAT

a girl bit me so hard new pronouns appeared in bio

You listen to music regularly? Why? Have you even tried quitting? Could you quit? You get music stuck in your head? Wow. You're so ruined and music brained. I bet you make your partners listen to music with you when you have sex. Music addiction has really ruined a whole generation. You know it's not realistic to expect reverb in real life, right? You're probably so desensitized that you don't even feel anything anymore when you hear a bird singing that it wants some fuck.

"naturally blond" nothing about that is natural

this sounds like it's poking fun at a bad bleach job but actually being blond is a sin

The 4pm bird gets the weird and fucked up spider

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

so, how is it going for the cup?

Hospital

rise and shine to lesbians and bi women😍😍😍 stay hydrated and stay sexy 🥰 🥰 🥰 🥰 everyone else….😒 good morning i guess…. 😐