No such luck for devious flies.

did they ever figure out how to put thoughts into words. did they ever get on top of that

Sam Handwich.

If you become friends with someone they might offer you shelter or sources of protein

explaining midwest emo to someone is like well yeah the music is bad. i uh. i know that! i like it.

you know the band is going to be fire when the singer can’t sing and the instrumentalists can’t decide on a rhythm

sorryyyy no trains tomorrow we replaced them all with a big slug

oh, did I ever tell you about [thing I've told you about no fewer than four times, opening on exactly this sentence every single one of those times]

It's spring now which means the kids in my city have started drawing hopscotches on the sidewalk and as a rule I do every hopscotch I see because 1. Use it or lose it (ability to scotch) and 2. If a child got down on the hardscrabble streets of Boston Massachusetts to draw a scotch the least I can do is use it, but in doing the hopscotches, I've learned that about 50% of them are the typical 8-10 step scotch and the other 50% are. Somewhat avant-garde. And of course I'm not vetting the entire scotch before I start it so sometimes it's like haha 8 steps woo! Childlike whimsy! And sometimes they're 20 steps or 30 or they've got a section with three squares instead of two where you have to do a little Charleston to step on all three, or, memorably, FORTY one foot squares. A full BLOCK of jumping on one foot but I'm no quitter so once I've started Jigsaw Junior's fuckin hopscotch gauntlet I'm there til the end just a daily pot smoker in her thirties jumping kasa-obake style through an affluent suburb while some little proto-kennedy watches from his bedroom window rubbing his sadistic little third grade hands together and cackling. It's amazing. I love spring.

vampire who bites you and goes “hm yes I detect notes of Vitamin B12” like a sommelier

that snake we all used to nudge around on nokia phones escaped nokia factory last week andno one knows where it went lmao. im scared as hell to sleep

hi everyone. do yourself a favour and go create a beautiful horse for me

so hard not to become the most annoying person on earth if you're a little excitable and just learned a little about a topic literally no one around you has any interest in

sudoku hits different when you’ve got several pressing tasks you’re ignoring