Birb

1920s gangster voice: when you stare into the boid the boid stares back

the word “sabotage” is p much short for “fucking shit up with a wooden shoe”

what

oh my god

well wooden shoe look at that

I’M FUCKING CRYING AT THAT PUN BE MY FRIEND PLEASE 

oh, no, you misunderstand me. those were my monkeys. yeah the circus and i have since parted ways. yeah it was the elephant thing, i dont really want to address that right now though

chunnibyou guided meditation

Breathe in. *Feel* the demon energy welling up in your cursed eye. Breathe out. Relax your phantom dragon wings.

Just saw a porn video where at one point the top attempts to praise the bottom and ends up saying "you are so good at extracting my semen". Flat monotone. Clearly enunciated "you are", no contraction. It wasn't even a RP scene – just perfectly conventional fucking, and then they hit you with that.

It is implied through gameplay mechanics that the two kingdoms at war in chess both formally permit regnal polygamy, allowing the King to take at least nine wives of equal status, and that marriage can be bestowed as a military honour, but curiously that honour - in stark contrast to the conventional attitudes of the aristocracy - can only be bestowed upon soldiers of the unlanded class, leaving great questions to be asked of the material interests and stability of these kingdoms' aristocracies

also, their horses lack limbs & their castles are small

yknow the smallness of the castles is FAR from their most interesting distinction from the noticeably immobile ones we are familiar with

im surprised nobody has tried to mechanical turk a self driving car yet

Read the actual article, people. Waymo is not Mechanical Turking driverless cars by any reasonable definition of the term.

this post is 2 years old and it’s only going to get funnier as it gets older

It is implied through gameplay mechanics that the two kingdoms at war in chess both formally permit regnal polygamy, allowing the King to take at least nine wives of equal status, and that marriage can be bestowed as a military honour, but curiously that honour - in stark contrast to the conventional attitudes of the aristocracy - can only be bestowed upon soldiers of the unlanded class, leaving great questions to be asked of the material interests and stability of these kingdoms' aristocracies

(some guy on the internet voice) it's so unrealistic and forced when women win fights against men in stories. of course, when a young boy defeats a huge man I'm cheering and screaming because it is so badass, and when a frail old man defeats a cocky young warrior I feel nothing but satisfaction. I love these power fantasies about easily dispatching people who underestimate you, a thing I desire despite the fact that I will likely never have the skill to achieve it in real life, but I'm pretty sure women don't have that same desire, and even if they do, they shouldn't get to see it in media. because it's so unrealistic, you see. I mean I'm smart enough to know I can't take down a big man in a fight but the women, you know, they'll get ideas. I could probably do it if I trained hard enough, but the women??? for some reason I can't see it happening, and who can say why that is.

Gave a gamer girl a hickey call me the Mark Applier

no

Call this guy the Mark Denier

no

Call this guy the Mark Replier

She is feeling Fresh and Fabulous. 

I read “finishing up a shed” and for a few microseconds I was like “sexy AND an accomplished carpenter”