The Weird Shoelace

OP: How to fold a flying pig. (cr简开JK)

Do not use the website called Sci-Hub!

It lets people access scientific articles for free. This is dangerous. It helps the free flow of knowledge and reduces the competitive edge of all the people who worked really hard to have been born into a wealth.

Like, it’s literally a website where you can type in the DOI of an article and read it, without ever having to pay the publisher who exploited the author.

Like if you want to read basically any physics, math, or CS paper, arXiv.org will have you covered, because everyone uploads their papers there before submitting to a journal (and generally updates it after peer review). I know all of my papers are on there. This is such common practice that journals have it baked into their licensing agreements that authors retain the right to upload their work to these places.

Stories stall when everyone behaves. Real tension appears when someone:

• asks the wrong question • says something they shouldn’t • notices something uncomfortable • refuses to drop the topic • misunderstands something important • interrupts at the worst moment

They want something REALLY REALLY REALLY bad, but for some reason they can't ask for it -- or can't have it even if they did ask.

They don't notice something that the audience HAS noticed (like in a horror movie when the monster is sneaking up behind the protagonist, or if someone drinks a glass of unboiled water during a cholera outbreak because they don't know about germ theory)

Takes a risk (or otherwise does something they "shouldn't" do) which the audience has to sit through for a prolongued period of time (e.g. slips away from the party to go into the host's private office and rifle through their papers before the guards catch them)

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

This is a given.

If the last digit is divisible by 2 (a.k.a. even), then so is the whole number.

If the sum of the digits is divisible by 3, then so is the whole number. The recursivity of this means that if the sum has multiple digits, you can add them up again until you get a single digit and see if it's 3, 6, or 9.

Like the rule for 2, but check if the last two digits are divisible by 4.

If it ends in 5 or 0.

If the rules for both 2 and 3 apply.

No shortcut. Alas.

Like the rules for 2 and 4, but check if the last three digits are divisible by 8. (Yes, this pattern keeps going for 16, 32, etc.)

Like the rule for 3, but the sum of the digits (or the sum of the sum of the digits, etc.) must be 9.

Plus make sure to take breaks regularly - and stop if anything starts to hurt!

Some assembly required

Ok so. I made a sewing pattern that involves a lot of maths on the end users part - this is the only way I, a complete pattern making novice, can make this 100% size inclusive. Luckily it’s super simple and it just a whole bunch of rectangles.

Yes it’s written in cm. Bite me.

So to elaborate a bit:

It’s pretty straight forward. You plug in your own measurements in the places it’s needed.

Body x2: should be twice your either shoulder width or your widest point (if you’re more pear shaped you might want to use your hip width) by the length from your shoulder to about mid thigh* (you can make it as long or short as you want. This could probably also work as a shift pattern in a pinch). In one of the pieces, you should cut a slit in the middle, which as shown above should be about from your neck to your sternum.

Sleeves x2: these should be 2-3 times your bicep measure (this will determine the poofiness of the sleeves), by your arm length. Adding a few cm to the length can be a good idea here. I usually just round up to what seems most logical.

Cuffs x4: your wrist measure + 3-4cm of ease, by how ever long you want them - 5-10cm is a good place to start.

Collar x2: your collar measure** by however tall you want your collar. Keep in mind that it will be folded over.

Gussets

Oh glorious gussets. The whole reason this pattern works! But also where it gets a bit mathy

Sleeve gussets: these are square. The diagonal should be about 1/6 of your total armscye (all the way around). Rather a bit too small than too big - it can fuck up the fit (it did for me)

Shoulder gussets: these will depend wholely on how buff your trapezius muscles are. If your neck/shoulder is at a right angle, they’re not strictly necessary, but if you’re super buff, they’re very necessary. I’d say an average shoulder gusset is about 5-7cm, but it’s up to you.

Reinforcements

Again, these aren’t strictly necessary, but if you want your shirt to last it’s a good idea to put them in. You can choose to use between 5 and 10 total. These don’t need to be very big, they just go at any split in the fabric. About 2,5cm is good.

Instructions

I used these videos for assembly instructions

This is going to be hard without pictures…

*you can also keep the body as one piece, which should then be twice the length you want it. The slit at the neck will also have to be cut in the middle of the piece.

This is the most beautiful scientific diagram I've ever seen.

Lockhart, Bill.  2006b. The Color Purple: Dating Solarized Amethyst Container Glass.  Historical Archaeology 40(2):45-56.   https://secure-sha.org/bottle/pdffiles/TheColorPurpleLockhart2006.pdf