Gronda Gronda Y'all

Pond horsey

Chip used to escape into the pine barrens and go in ponds to eat yellow pond lilies. This brings back memories.

A rare sighting of a vegetarian kelpie.

welcome to the club

It is so, so difficult to explain to people that your favorite book is about transgender feminist dwarves, Nazi werewolves, and the mystery of a missing piece of really old ritual bread. And Opera saves the day.

yes, give us those sweet, sweet, terrible descriptions

A tortoise who’s really a god, finds an allegory for Jesus and they go on adventures in an ancient greece like place and then a desert 

The chief of police averts a rerun of an ancient war, partially despite and partially because of being possessed by a dying dwarf’s graffiti

It’s like Les Miserables but Javert is the good guy and also there’s time travel.  

Macbeth but it’s about the witches

Chapter one, the protagonist is hanged. Then he’s put in charge of the post office. Yes, in that order.

it’s like mulan if there were way more mulans in mulan and also pratchett is extra irritated that too many people missed the point of jingo

The bureaucrats of the universe get annoyed at the paperwork humanity causes so they decide to steal Christmas.  Replacement Christmas is done by Death and replacement Death is done by goth Mary Poppins, who is also in charge of the investigation.

these are all nice and accurate reasons to read discworld if you haven’t yet

Romeo and Juliet football AU but the other team is wizards

Hollywood????

An entire clan of tattooed, hairy, kleptomaniac, alcoholic Scotsmen decide a little girl is their new best friend whether she wants to be or not and she rescues her absolutely worthless brother by discovering the power of selfishness.

@cosmictwobyfour

Someone is dying, journalism is being invented, and part of Pulp Fiction is going on in the background.

The universes burocrats want to measure everything so they pay a man to imprison time so everything will stop and they can measure things in peace. Goth mary Poppins saves the day, the fifth horseman of the apocalypse is the best Milkman in the world, and chocolate saves the day. Also someone was born twice.

Classic dynastic machinations are happening in fantasy China, to be completely overturned by a gang of elderly barbarian heroes and the world’s worst wizard and best sprinter

Death incarnate battles a shopping cart for the fate of the world.  

@grifalinas

Phantom of the Opera au, except there’s witches, a cookbook that is thinly-veiled pornography, and Christine is played by a fledgeling witch with multiple personalities who can’t stop being sensible long enough to enjoy herself

Hidden heir to the throne decides an cynical, alcoholic cop is the best role model in the world.

Atlantis provides an excuse for a xenophobia-inspired war between Britain and the Middle East but it’s fine because the armies are arrested for conspiracy to cause public nuisance.

(sigh)(smile) All of the above.

You can defeat Vampire Fascism with the powers of violence, your debilitating anxiety disorder, and a nice cup of tea

the pied piper is a racket being run by some talking mice and a cat but they accidentally invent socialism. then of course there are also the rat horrors

A trio of witches (two of them uninvited) go on a journey to find out how the third one should be a fairy godmother. They run into and out of half-finished stories and manage to encounter a large amount of classic literature unscathed.

a cop time travels and has a hard boiled egg

The hanged conman in charge of the Post is now in charge of the Bank and the Mint, who are technically owned by an incontinent dog now. Stamps lead to the invention of banknotes and now there’s golems everywhere, which is a problem and a solution in itself.

The guy who made one of Replacement Death’s forms and experimented in steam power Died and his son created the first train, who is also a god and provides many of the autistic people of Fantasy New York/London a brand new hyperfixation, including the secretary of the most powerful man in Fantasy New York/London. Also the guy that should have been hanged (and is now in charge of the mint/post) is back helping the goblins make a revolution and work for his wife and train company. he takes goblin drugs at least twice and fights on top of a train with the alcoholic cop. dwarf bigots are mad about there being two genders.

Discworld Heritage Post

Hello, welcome to the fantasy Deep South, we notice you’re still doing the slavery thing and oh boy, that is not going down well with the protagonist.

i think if i asked peter thiel for 500 million dollars, and told him that my business plan was to spend 499 million of that on oil futures, and the remaining 1 million ordering the entire stock of pizza, burgers, fries, shakes, jamba juices, schitzels, fucking wetzels pretzels, the whole lot, within 50 miles of the pentagon, just to see if i could blow up the pentagon pizza index enough to move global oil markets 0.2% and recoup my losses... i think that if i asked him that, in those exact words, he would give me 1 billion dollars just to see if i could do it twice. and i would try. god forgive me i would try.

#“descendents of the evil oyster man” wins the 2026 prize for “most baffling DNI”

I honestly think you should do this, just to find out what happens.

Also pollen. Please?

This was so Monterey Bay coded, I didn’t need to check the url. 😁

[Video description: Gritty is turning the crank on a flagpole to raise the Progress Pride Flag. He gesticulates angrily that the flag is not blowing in the wind, then gestures offscreen. The flag begins blowing. As Gritty begins raising the flag more, the camera pans out to show a man in a suit and sunglasses, looking like a stern Secret Service agent, is holding a leafblower that points at the flag. End description.]

This is the orange monster who should be president.

The really funny part is that many modern sources that want to gas up Sparta will bring up this specific anecdote, but stop at the "if" and just not mention what happened immediately afterwards.

similarly, "μολὼν λαβέ" (come and take them) is a really cool thing to say, made significantly less cool by having them taken

I’m guessing this is where we get laconic irony.

I've never been able to afford prescription sunglasses before but I recently bought transition lenses from a discount glasses store and how is it that nobody is talking about these. This is witchcraft. You just go outside and your regular glasses BECOME SUNGLASSES. I'm feeling shrimp emotions about this

It’s a good time to discover these, because the technology just got so much better, and they were able to add this stuff to different sorts of lenses, in different colours than we previously available.

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

Passing a bill to limit Forever Monicas.

Given that a lot of folks in kink spaces are bent for the forbidden precisely because it is forbidden, I sometimes wonder how many people there are out there who unironically get horny for workplace and laboratory safety violations. Like, I know for a fact that number isn't zero, but how far above zero is it?

Show me the person who gets hard when they knowingly commit copyright infringement. Logically this person must exist. Let me see them.

So basically the brat kink dialed up to 10?

Time for a breakfast! I just got a box of Forgetti-o's, the cereal that erases your memory.

Time for breakfast! I just got a box of Forgetti-O's, the cereal that erases your memory. That's weird. The box is already open!

WIZARD PSA: Forgetti-O's, the new cereal that erases your memory, are a scam to make you buy too much cereal. Oddly, they keep producing them even though nobody has ever fallen for it.

I certainly would never fall for it. Someone around here has though - There's a stack of the empty boxes in the recycling bin.

hey there neighbor. you should try some of these oracl-ookies, they told me your post gets 100k in the near future. also you should really leave out your recycling bin, you've been missing trash day for weeks now

The last time I tried those, I wrote a thing about capitalism!

And for those of a more nerdy / technical lean… yt-dlp will down,oad videos or playlists and let you play offline.

humans should be able to do a special Ultra Sleep after major life accomplishments where you're just out for like 32 hours or something and then you wake up fully refreshed in every way

i slept for 23 hours once, and when I finally got up, my legs didnt work right and I needed a nap. Clearly I just needed the extra 9 hours.