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we're not kids anymore.
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Today's Document
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@cuprohastes
The closing scene of The Residence (about a black woman detective in the White House) is a red tail hawk flying by and giving classic âeagleâ screech.
So many white(headed) American (bird)s are given the credit for the actions of brown American (bird)s. House music is amazing. Happy 4th!
The Americast podcast replaced their Red Tailed hawk screech with an eagle chirp due to this topic.
Which is how my mother found out, and was so delighted she played it for me.
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Kobold that's getting back in the saddle
Fuck I'm too SHORT
Maybe get in the saddlebag, and nap?
So Mitch McConnell is plausibly dead.
Like, they found him crumpled up on the floor on the 14th of June, and allegedly "someone" was put on life support at that time.
So we have this Schrodinger's Paradox asshole where he's plausibly dead and not dead; Life support's keeping his organs ticking, but the brain?
That's deader than Trumps.
But he's technically not dead yet. He's lying in a bed, pulling a paycheck for being a congressbeast, and all his staffers are pulling a Weekend at Bernies to get a couple of weeks of extra pay. And they just won't admit the claw machine picked him out for the Reaper.
Elite mecha pilot from a gritty, fucked up Real Robot milieu goes up against nth-dimensional alien invaders and promptly gets their ass kicked until discovering quite by chance that shouting the names of your attacks actually makes them more effective against these things.
Uh⌠LARGE AMOUNT OF KINETIC DAMAGE! *BRRRRRRRRRRRRT*
Getting down on my knees and thanking the humans who invented dishwashers and washing machines.
InsNe that dishwashers are more efficient and easier than just washing them manually but they also use less water. Itâs a win win situation
They ALSO sterilize dishes, due to operating at a far higher temperature than human hands could ever tolerate. It's a win every way.
The washing machine evolved from a bunch of different devices: The first patent for a washing machine was 1691.
The dishwasher on the other hand: Josephine Cochrane in 1886.
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"No man may Kill me!" the Witch King bellowed.
"I am no Man!" shouted Ăowyn, as Merry, A Hobbit did a bit of subtle stabbery with a blade he'd nicked from a Barrow.
Ăowyn struck true.
The Witch King, leaned on his sword and looked at the blade sticking out of his face. Slowly, he pulled it free.
"Yes you are: for you are the race of men." he pointed out calmly, giving Merry a good kicking. "More to the point, it's less about who is, and who is not 'A Man', and more about the way I am already dead and have been for several thousand years. So I'm not alive enough to kill."
"Oh bugger!" said Ăowyn, already breaking into a sprint. "Sorry , Merry, you're on your own!"
Merry said some choice words about long-legged assholes as he dodge rolled frantically.
In the end, the Witch King was crushed by an Oliphant. There was some debate as to whether being crushed by a giant war beast fulfilled the prophecy, re: Not Being A Man.
The consensus was that even if it didn't kill you, it was going to make it really difficult to do anything else, so for the time being, they were free and clear.
You've heard of:
Knuckles the Echidna Tails the Fox Shadow the Headgehog
Now get ready for Buttocks the Aardwolf!
OKAY SIT DOWN SHUT UP, WEâRE GONNA TALK COLORS
THIS IS SAPPHIRE
THIS IS TEAL
THIS IS PERIWINKLE
THIS IS AZURE
 AND THIS IS TURQUOISE
WONDER WHY THOSE ALL DONâT LOOK LIKE THE SAME COLOR? BECAUSE THEY ARE NOTÂ
OTHER THAN BEING PART OF THE SAME FAMILY OF BLUES, THEY ARE NOT ALL THE SAMEÂ FUCKING COLOR! WHY WOULD THEY ALL BE THE SAME FUCKING COLOR! DO YOU THINK WE JUST NAME NEW COLORS FOR KICKS!?!?!?
WHEN DESCRIBING A CHARACTERâS GOD FORSAKEN EYE COLOR, PICKÂ ONEÂ YA GODDAMN HIPPIE
As someone who is colourblind this post is fucking hilarious because they are in fact all the same fucking colour
things heating up in the fuckin uuhhhhhhhhh BLUE fandomÂ
So uhâŚ.. fun fact about turquoise
They come in varying degrees of blue and green.
THIS IS TUMBLR
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
Because blue eyes are caused by a lack of melanin, not a blue pigment, they also shift based on the lighting colour and angle.
This is due to a recessive gene that entered the population specifically to annoy people who like things to be neat and orderly and not have any ambiguity.
I started thinking about that one post about how from dogs POV humans are beings that live like 500+ years (because I was petting my dog and I was looking at her like âthirty thousand years of cooperation have led to this. our species have spent 30k years building up to the point where you, child of wolf, descendant of noble hunters and wild things, Â would come all the way out of the office and come sit with me in the hopes of letting a souped up monkey rub its paws on youâ)
and then I thought about what it must have been like for the first humans to let a fucking wolf, maybe only a few generations from the wild, behold their infant child. Like man can u believe that? Maybe this alliance is only a few years old and sure youâve seen the wolfâs kids but now youâve got one of your own. And even though youâve seen this wolf tear out the throats of creatures that could kill you, this wolf is your family. This wolf is your friend, you love them and they love you and you gotta show âem the new kid, look, friend, I had a child. I know you are wild and dangerous, but look at this, my most precious thing, sniff him, give him a lil lick, his children and your children will be bound together for thirty thousand fucking years because I love you
Thereâs a set of  preserved footprints from 30k years ago that is a young child and a wolf standing side by side can you fucking imagine? Maybe the kidâs mom was like âhey go get some water from the stream, but take the wolf with you. I trust him, he will protect you.â
Some child, with a handful of wolf fur, still getting to grips with walking, the wolf, older now, older than itâs parent were when they died, with no understanding of how good life is with the turbo apes compared to what it could have been like.
The wolf keeps looking at the child like âok puppy, you still keeping up?â
And all these millennia later, we still let the dogs co-parent our children, the way dogs hand off the puppies to us so they can get some sleep.
I want a video game with realistic dick and balls physics not for any prurient reason, but... okay, so you know how in some games with boob physics, there's a palpable delay after a character model is instantiated before physics start to apply to the boobs, so it's like *pop* ... *FWOMP*? I want to see the cock version of that. Penis-having character spawns in, there's a beat, then the physics engine tries to play catch-up and applies a full second of gravitational acceleration to their junk all at once and they just randomly start helicoptering.
#wasnt that conan game basically this #idk i never played it (via @piedbirb)
Nah, Conan: Exiles saves on development costs there by applying the same physics simulation it uses for clothing to penises. It's basically treating the cock and balls as a bit of cloth hanging off your character's groin, which produces a totally different (albeit no less entertaining) set of failure modes.
(For those saying this is making them picture a character's penis flapping in the breeze like a flag on a pole or laundry on a line, that was actually, literally happening at launch. I'm not sure if they ever fixed it.)
I need a game where this is exploited.
Like the male character leaps on a skateboard and you can slap their cock. Then it makes the sound of a biplane engine starting up and that character zooms off into the distance, propelled by their helicoptering wang.
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Canât get this on any other social media
GONDOR CALLS FOR TREATS!
"Using an Oxford comma is a sign of AI"
bestie boo, let me fill you in on something: if you're going to take any part of 'good grammar' and randomly assign it to She's A Witch! AI, you might as well give up. It's over. You're cooked. Anyone who has spent the last decade or more learning to type properly, anyone who has spent any time writing articles/papers/essays that require you to use 'good grammar' is going to fall into that 'oh no it might be AI' trap.
Stop hunting like it's 1692. You're not going to find Goody Proctor at the ChatGPT sacrament. What you're going to do is exactly what happened back then: harming people who've done nothing wrong.
can I reblog this a million times
And using â or â : It means someone used PowerToys on Windows or is on a Mac where double tapping - just turns it into â.
Or is running Grammarly, LanguageTools or some other spell check and grammar assist, which will run your text through a style guide and suggest Oxford commas, curly quotes, and em-dashes.
In the 90s the British police were told that if someone owned candles they were probably into devil worship.
It's bullshit: Most households have candles for decoration, ambience or power cuts (This was before LED lights could run for like 40 hours. Flashlights had incandescent bulbs and you'd get an hour or two).
What it actually was, apart form a spectacularly dopey bit of advice from some wannabe witch hunter, was a way to arrest someone on suspicion of something they couldn't disprove by having 'evidence' so generic that everyone was guilty.
It's a fig leaf: It's an excuse to flag someone's work as fake and take it down or discredit them. It's a way to claim someone was at the devils sacrament without being asked "Well why were you there?".
it's a good thing mensah is already married with kids by the start of all systems red because can you imagine trying to make a new longterm relationship work when you have to explain to potential partners that murderbot will be there. no not romantically or sexually. but it is there.
Murderbot is there, and also does not want to be there, but has to be because what if something gets Mensah?
On the upside if you are having feelings about Gawandi and Shimta on Star Rangers: Paradise Sector, Murderbot is there for you because oh my god, they did TANWEI DIRTY, for sure.
This is so sad they won't let it outside and it can't forget what it saw đ
That Roomba experienced existential horror. For a moment it glimpsed a universe it couldnât comprehend, that operates on rules incomprehensible to a floor sweeping bot.
Itâs posting on the Robot internet, about things it has seen and cannot unsee.
Robot Hollywood has turned âOutsideroomsâ into a movie.
âMusk talks about Mars as a lifeboat for humanity, which is among the very stupidest things that someone could say,â says Adam Becker, an astrophysicist and author of the book More Everything Forever, which outlines the messianic, sci-fi fantasies of the tech oligarchs. âThere are so many reasons why itâs such a bad idea, and this is not about, âOh, weâll never have the technology to live on Mars.â Thatâs not what Iâm saying. What Iâm saying is that Earth is always going to be a better option no matter what happens to Earth. Like, we could get hit with an asteroid the size of the one that killed off the dinosaurs, and Earth would still be more habitable. We could explode every single nuclear weapon, and Earth would still be more habitable. We could have the worst-case scenario for climate change, and Earth would still be more habitable. Any cursory examination of any of the facts about Mars makes it very clear.â
What Youâve Suspected Is True: Billionaires Are Not Like Us
I really like sci-fi stories where people have to go off and terraform a planet, or figure out how to rebuild civilization after some disaster, or ideally both. "The last ark-ship leaving Earth right before it becomes uninhabitable" sort of deal. But lately I've been coming around to this same idea, that it will always be more practical to try to save Earth than to try to start over elsewhere.
I was reading one story where the apocalypse was impossibly-rising oceans. Like, water is appearing from *waves hand* the Earth's crust or something, and literally all dry surface land on Earth is going to become underwater in X years. Part of the story was about a giant research project to invent FTL to send a few hundred humans to a nearby star which might have a habitable planet. You know what they were hoping to find? A planet with liquid water. Their plan was to descend from their starship and restart civilization using just the tools they brought with them, on a world with no life and no breathable air and the wrong gravity and the wrong temperate and the wrong sunlight and the wrong day-night cycle, just because it had liquid water. You know where else has liquid water? The flooded Earth you just abandoned. Instead of researching starship technology, you could have spent that time loading up all the same civilization-restarter tools into boats.
And this is really true of any futuristic apocalypse scenario. If you can terraform Mars to have a thick oxygen atmosphere, why not just do that to Earth? Even if you smash an ice comet into Earth and destroy basically everything, Earth will still be more habitable than Mars! It'll still have roughly the right atmospheric pressure, and magnetic field, and heat balance, and it'll still have whatever life the comet didn't kill... Same with a starshade to cool Venus. Same with excavating asteroids into city-stations. Same with abandoning Sol System entirely and heading to another star. If an ark-ship arrived in a new star system and found Earth-but-choked-by-climate-change, the crew would be ecstatic. They would never have thought to get that lucky. So why bother with the trip? Just stay and fix the damn Earth.
Billionaires donât want to save anyone.
Theyâre leafing the portholes open, starting fires, dumping their coffee into the radio, and locking the doors, and yanking wires from speakers.
So the ship founders and some people get int he lifeboat: The most fuckable and dumbest, most easily influenced people.
Because Billionaire are pissed that they canât be the captain, and they will cut all the other lifeboats away, and leave just their boat, while the ship sinks, so they can call the shots.
And it doesnât matter to them if thereâs no food or land because theyâll let everyone else in the boat die, while they toss the water overboard because it got warm.
Theyâll let you starve because they donât like the ships biscuits, and theyâll happily set fire to the boat because they got cold, then take your life vest because they want it.
So yes, Earth is always the best option, but weâre not taking it for the same reason that thereâs one guy who had enough money to end world hunger, and instead, he used it to launch a car into space as a meme.
And in a world where leaving the planet is still super incredibly rare and special, you notice he wonât even think about getting on one of his own ships and taking a trip up there?
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"if i had a time machine i would go back in time and kill hitler"
I would put sea mines around medieval britain. i would give hannibal barca ww2 era heavy artillery and tell him not to stop till he starts seeing gauls. i would give boudica a fucking abrams. i would appear before jesus like an angel and tell him "you gotta stop. not cause theyll kill you, youre fine with that, surprisingly, but because your fanclub is gonna spend about 1500 years making everything worse for everyone, everywhere." I would take a glock back in time and shoot romulus, shoot remus, and shoot that damn dog too just to be safe. i would be on the side of christopher columbus' ship in a scuba suit planting c4 on that bitch like rainbow six siege. i would be waging a one woman campaign of terror across andalusia to prevent the reconquista. i would be getting way out in front of that shit is what im saying,
My kids once expressed a plan to me that involved a time machine, Andrew Jackson, and a hickory walking stick containing a bomb. What it lacked in practicality, it made up for in understanding the history lesson I had just given them (having at that point thrown the school's weak-ass mid-lockdown lesson plan across the room and engaged in a furious rant about the real stuff). The more you look at history, the more you start thinking you're gonna need a bigger time machine.
This is good: If you donât have a blacklist of historical figures who need a hand, or who should be energetically converted into a pink mist, youâre not studying history, youâre just looking at someoneâs fanfic fix blorbos.
The problem is that from a narrative viewpoint, is what happens next. You whack Hitler, and Stalin ends up living in Vesailles. You run that guy through a wood chipper and hey, where did all the computers go?
So you keep going, but the world you get becomes wilder and further from your ideal. And one day you realise that every change kills billions, causes new wars, and you have to either accept that itâs inevitable that this happens, and stop, or that youâre creating new time lines of horror and youâre actually the history criminal.
In the end, you have to be prepared to have the cool time lair and outfit and a monologue for when an alternate you shows up to prevent you killing all those innocent babies.
I do think the ability to emoji-react is a net win for human communication. not only does it give you an outlet for 'I see and acknowledge this but don't have a verbal response' but it also adds a pleasing alethiometer element to things
my coworker announces that he's off to the dentist. someone reacts with a tooth emoji. is this a statement of dentist solidarity? a wish for my coworker to return with more (or fewer?) teeth than he set out with? simple word association? who can say
Itâs a spare, so if the dentist takes one out, you have a replacement.
Or they just wanted to show they were paying attention. đŚˇ
It means "I was paying attention to what you said, enough to notice that there is relevant symbol available"
Same reason why post with crocheted frog gets đ¸đ𼰠= i noticed frog! Your artwork is lovely and green! I adore it!
đźď¸
