my own private ontario 😳

Just making use of my free will

JENKINS: I feel like the first 80–85 minutes or so of the film is the telling of a story where the characters are advancing in age: eight, ten, twelve years of age at a time in each chapter. So we’re rapidly building this portrait. For example, the two longest shots in the film are when Chiron is in the parking lot outside the diner. He pulls up in his car, gets out, puts on his shirt, combs his hair, and then starts walking across the parking lot towards the door. Then there’s the shot of the door’s bell ringing that shifts to a gliding camera shot. It’s a very Hou Hsiao-Hsien–influenced shot that is a camera movement perpendicular to the action in one continuous moment. Then there’s that close-up when Chiron sees Kevin’s face for the first time and then we match it. From that point on the character has been built and now the character has to finally make a choice. He must decide who he is going to be as the film shifts into real time. I think the diner scene really resonates with people because you’ve grown so accustomed to the character advancing through time but now Chiron has to sit there opposite someone who’s actually allowing [him] the space. The world is always projecting this idea of who a black man is while there is always the performance of black masculinity. You see Chiron dealing with that over the course of the film. Then he walks into Kevin’s home, the diner, and Kevin dominates that space but in a very tender way, a very gentle way. So, you’re right. This is when the cycle of questions begins but they are never asked aggressively and there’s never really a single or direct answer to these questions.

he's ilya's dog when he's trying to anticipate all of ilya's needs and give them to him at the cottage and then waiting nice and still to be told what ilya wants next. he's ilya's dog even when they're having sex their regular way (by which i mean the d/s way) and he's following ilya's orders.

he's ilya's dog when he's letting ilya pet him and calm him down and let him stay on his knees when he's overwhelmed. he's ilya's dog when he's in the bathroom following orders for the sake of following orders and the reward isn't what he thinks he will get but what ilya wants to give him and is satisfying to him anyways.

when hes looking to obey an order and do it Perfectly Right Without Any Mistakes he's ilya's dog. when he's upset and snapping at ilya, trying to start a fight so that he can be muzzled, he's ilya's dog.

"How about you tell me everything that's on your mind but in Russian? I won't understand, but maybe it'll help?"

I want to talk a bit about something that's so beautiful in this scene. It's how brave Shane is being. You can see him stop and think, open his mouth and close it before he says anything, scared but pushing through it anyways.

In gif 3, he's pausing and thinking about it, choosing his words careful and then finally daring to ask:

"Maybe you could teach me Russian some day?"

It's 'Because there's going to be a 'some day' Ilya, because we'll last long enough that you can teach me, right? We'll be together? We'll be together long enough for me to learn right? So that I can learn this language, speak your mother tongue to you?'

He's being brave. He's daring to say it. He's telling Ilya he wants this for a long time.

Then gif 9 & 10. He takes even longer, really thinks about it, really thinks about if he can say it. He opens his mouth, closes it, then tries again:

"How about 'I wish you were here right now?'"

Here, he's saying 'I want to be with you Ilya. I want to take away your pain, I wish I could hold you. I can feel it, I can tell how you're hurting and I want to be able to help you. I dream of a world where you can teach me how to say that to you, I dream of a world where we last long enough for me to say that.'

Ilya was brave by putting it all out there like that, saying what he had to. Yeah, he did it in Russian, but Shane knows it still took him being brave too. Even calling Shane like this was brave.