TRASHBOY.zip

soliloquy by an immortal cave painter.

“Woah buddy, what happened to representing the organization?” jokes Hayden, calling back to what the GM said at the beginning of their cup run.

For reference, here's a full bibliography of bad* [tumblr]* posts which were incorporated into the above comment:

Do you always have that energy? Like at breakfast, sitting alone or sitting with someone, do you have that "Greg fucking Davies" energy or do you build up to that throughout the day?

Applied Steganography | 9K | Steganography: the practice of concealing secret information in the everyday. Saying one thing and meaning another. On the ice, it's feinting, deking. Ilya’s good at that. Off the ice, he's even better.| Post FanMail outing Canon Divergence AU. Interesting exploration of Ilya's very complicated feelings towards Russia and Alexei, and also of how Shane's understanding of this has changed over the years. Featuring two very well-done external POVs (Harris and Troy). Hats off to the author for depicting Alexei as having a very small redeeming moment (though it's not a sure thing, and the ambiguity is what makes the whole thing). Really very cleverly plotted and executed.

results?search_query by @cchapsticck | 10K | Obviously, he has seen this one million times. It is one of Shane Hollander's greatest hits. And it has been important for him to know most things about Shane Hollander for a number of reasons. Everyone with a microphone wants to know what he thinks of Shane Hollander| Shane's character study, from Ilya's POV. Very clever and hockey-heavy (the author defined themselves as a hockey casual, I am a hockey neophyte and I was impressed by the level of hockey detail in this! The amount of research needed to write actual hockey in a story is probably staggering, but man, the payoff is like nothing else, in my reader opinion, at least) . Anyway, this was so good and chewy, I definitely need to re-read it to savour it more.

it's the monster hiding under your bed by @some1around| 18K | Shane’s ex-girlfriends keep coming out as queer. He’s trying to be supportive, he really is, okay? Listen, he’s an ally! But it’s sort of becoming a problem. For pretty obvious reasons, because people are definitely starting to notice—Ilya most of all.| The one where Shane's had three girlfriends who turned out to be queer. I like how the changed circumstances made Shane's path to self-acceptance a bit easier (no tuna melt-down for instance). And how this changed his dynamic with Rose!

the body as evidence by @radialarch | 3K | So Rozanov had a fetish. It didn't matter. Montreal didn't play Boston again for a month, and by then Shane would have gone through a dozen new bruises blooming and fading away. They played hockey; it was a fact of life. The next time they met Rozanov would have forgotten about it. Shane didn't, though.|  Kinky hookup era one shot. Freak4freak. So well-written and in-character. And hot!

you're the new god we're worshipping | 6.3K | Michael Zhang makes his palms itchy, the back of his neck clammy and cold. The world’s going to be hard on you, he thinks, and watches the kid watch the floor, his mouth flooding with the bitter metallic taste of blood before he realizes he’s bitten down. Learn to take a hit already. He feels a kind of repulsion that he doesn’t want to be feeling, a part of him that instinctually wants to flinch away, like you would from something old, or sick.| Truly smart and insightful look at how Shane sees himself and institutional racism. I'm bad at describing this, but this is painful in the best way. Also amazing Ilya/Shane. This author has a superb handle on Shane Hollander as a character. I'm in awe.

Fall in love with anyone by @scacao-blog | 11.5K | “If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?” Quickly, Ilya adds, “Don’t say that you want to know if you win the Cup.” “Why not? What if that’s my answer?” “Is so boring, Hollander. Of course you want to know this. But Ilya Rozanov and Boston Raiders exist in this world, so crystal ball says, so sad, but no.” “Fuck off. What are these questions even for, anyway? Are you interviewing me for something? Wouldn’t you have to, like, tell me if you were?”| Canon divergence AU. After Marley floated the idea by him, Ilya starts asking Shane the 36 questions that are supposed to make people fall in love. This was sweeter and a bit out-of-the left-field, compared to what I normally read, yet the perfect characterisation (superb Ilya voice in particular) completely carried me until the end and I found myself wowed. Unexpected in the best way.

CHAMP by @agoodsoldier| 11.1K | Shane Hollander: Captain of the Montreal Metros.| I don't think enough stories explore what the captaincy means to Shane and what it is like for him, so I'm super happy I stumbled across this one, because it's absolutely amazing. Fantastic Shane voice, and the sex is supernova hot.

The Helsinki Job by @oflights| 41K | In an AU where Shane joins the Montreal Metros the same year he's drafted, Ilya stays in Russia and Shane is pretty pissed off about it. He's released to go to the 2010 World Junior Championships in Helsinki, Finland because he wants his rematch, damn it, and because he wants to try to convince his rival to get to the MLH as soon as possible and make things interesting. When Shane discovers Ilya may not have stayed in Russia of his own free will, he puts together a crack team of idiot teenagers international hockey players to achieve one goal: get Ilya Rozanov to Boston.| A heist story  inspired by Malkin's defection to go play in the NHL. Genius idea. A lot of fun. I could totally see single-minded young Shane obsessing over being robbed of his rival by the KHL. Great characterisation all round, which is a feat considering we're talking teenagers here. The OCs are great too. This felt so very grounded in the hockey world, apparently the author is into hockey RPF and I think you can tell! Damn, I want to read this all again right now. 

slowly towards the door by @urie | 4.2K | Ilya does a Calvin Klein ad. To spite Shane, probably, who has already done one.| Fantastic version of what passes for slice-of-life for these two in the hookup era. :D I love smut as character work, when it's as well written as this. Perfect character voices.

pull like a dog by @urie | 6.8K | Statement from Boston Raiders General Manager Rick Doughty: We are aware of a video circulating online from earlier this summer of the locker room celebration proceeding Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final. This was a personal recording of an adrenaline-fueled moment inside our private facilities and was not intended to be seen by the public.| nother amazing character study via smut. Perfect Shane POV (Ilya's voice and characterisation is equally good, ofc). if you like Mcshrug's work, run, don't walk, to read this. Just impeccable.

before you cross the street, take my hand by @sailyourshipsaroundme | 8.5K | November, 1985. "You have a light?" David Hollander looks up from rummaging in his hockey bag and sees the most beautiful woman he has ever laid eyes on with an unlit cigarette between her fingers. Her long black hair is tied up in a ponytail but her bangs frame her face, which is golden tan against her white turtleneck. She arches an eyebrow after a moment and he realizes he's been staring with his mouth hanging open. "I… no, sorry. I don't smoke." "Ugh. Athletes," she sighs, putting her cigarette back into the pack. She leans back against the brick, her breath visible in the cold air. She surveys him with eyes the colour of coffee and he has never been more awake in his life. "You're Hollander, right? Left winger?" "That's me, yeah. You a big hockey fan?" "The biggest." Her mouth curves up into a smile. David feels like he's been jolted into the boards.| Really fantastic David Hollander character study, with great characterisation all around. Mind the warnings.