🎉passed birth certification with flying colors🎉

Human bodies are so weird like the upper half consists of every single vital organ and the lower half is legs

did you google how to take a screen shot

remembering this one time my father, a devout catholic who thinks of himself as progressive and believes in evolution etc, where we were arguing about "souls" and he was saying obviously animals don't have souls but humans do. and i said well you believe evolution happened. and he said yes. and i said so at some point as hominids were evolving did they just develop souls when they got 'human-like' enough? and without skipping a beat he said, yeah, at some point god said "okay you seem enough like humans" and a non-ensouled primate gave birth to an ensouled human child. and that's why humans have souls.

...do you think if humans eventually evolved enough that their descendants would be considered something else, He'll take away soul privileges for future generations

every time i want the 🤬 emoji i go into the search thing & start typing "fuck" & it takes me a solid second to remember they would not name it the Fuck Emoji

was talking about my thesis with my aunt and i was explaining to her that because i'm doing an mfa in creative writing my thesis is writing a novel and i'm supposed to have a first draft by the end of the summer. and she said "wow! and i mean i'm sure that's fun for you?" and when i said yes it is she said "that's great. because if it were me i'd kill myself." which was a slightly nuts thing to say in a church waiting for my grandmother's funeral to start but i respect her honesty

Ok but the best part is, physicists loved the joke. When people called the author’s university and he wasn’t available, they’d ask to speak with the co-author instead. The author issued a limited number of copies of the article signed by both authors. (Chester’s was obviously a pawprint.) And to this day, physics papers will often have F.D.C Willard (Felix Domesticus, Chester Williard [Willard was the author’s father’s name]) mentioned in the footnotes thanking his “useful contributions to the discussion”.

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

*puts you in the oven at 275 for an hour*

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

people don’t remember this but in the early 2000s white brunettes and white blondes were treated as something even deeper than different races- they were seen as like animals of two different species locked in a never ending battle for dominance. they were like yin and yang- the blonde was pathos and the brunette logos. it was truly something to behold.

I used to have a shirt that said "blondes have more fun" that I wore while brunette and when random men would say "You're not blonde" I'd reply "I'm also not having much fun"

They were opened in AUGUST 2001. Oh my god. That's both hilarious and tragic.

this is a fucking futurama bit

You guys ever see a DNI that makes you break out into laughter and almost cry

it's totally ok to dislike things. right?