Within three months of coming out as non-binary, I began wearing binders daily, I got informed consent HRT, and as of this writing, I’m six months T.
There is no big jackpot evidence for my transness. I’ve never felt disconnected from my body or my feminine ornamentation. To me, it’s like spending the first half of your life living in hotel rooms; it’s comfy, and you’ve got no qualms against living there. But when you finally go to your own, actual room, and sleep in your own bed, and know that you’ve left your own scent and aura upon this place, it finally hits you what ‘home’ is supposed to feel like.
It’s got nothing to do with comfort or joy - it’s not a war between the comfortable, safe hotel room and your own shitty, cramped apartment. It was about accepting what feels like ‘home’ for me, and what instead is a stranger. In my eyes, referring to myself as a ‘woman’ is a stranger, and me being non-binary is home. Regardless of what I look like, what I sound like, or what I’m wearing. I am who I am, always.
During the first few months of identifying as trans, I was overwhelmed by the negativity and other people’s presumptions of what it means to be trans. I lacked much of the ‘canonical’ trans experience as popularized by mainstream visibility, so I struggled with the fear that my identity wasn’t legitimate, amongst other worries that bogged up my mind and dragged me down.
Me finally just up and getting HRT and living with the effects helped erase my worries immensely; it was proof that my life wasn’t going to go down in flames because I’m trans. Nowadays, my transness is almost a non-issue for me. It serves mostly as a source of pride.
Pursing medical transition (and beyond) wasn’t a choice made for the sake of alleviating discomfort, or even an attempt to enrich my life. It was more like, ‘yup, I knew I was going to do something like this eventually, might as well start now.’ And through that, transness became pride and love.
Share the Love is an event being run here at Ways2Raise. Until February 14th everyone whoreblogs the opening post featuring our current ongoing campaigns, and all nonbinary and trans individuals who submit a selfie or story about how they’ve learned to find love either for themselves or for the special person or people in their lives, will be entered into a random drawing to win a free Out of This Binary tee shirt, an End Transmisogyny Sticker Pack, and one of our recently announced Queer Sticker Sheets. You can submit your selfies and stories here.