thegrassinthecracks

I feel a strange sense of melancholy

A perfectly normal day

Can end with me staring out of the window

My sad song playlist on shuffle

The poster child for a 90s music video

For some ballad about a lost love

A tension in my chest

Lump in my throat

Though I don’t often cry

I feel a disconnect

A separation from the real world

As if looking at the world through frosted windows

Everything seems to be an optical illusion

Where I know what’s real

But can’t make sense of it

I don’t know how to describe the emotion

I’m not sure I even understand it myself

But it seems to hover behind me

Just out of my view

Solitary hind mere metres away

It raises its head from the stream

Nostrils flared

Instinct calling for danger

But the danger nowhere to be seen

Before it can discover her

She lets her bolt fly

A sudden touch sends her arrow off course

The hand of her hunting partner

Placed on her waist

The hind flees

She urges him away

Protests loudly

But he pushes too far

She pulls herself up

Throwing him to the ground

Draws back her bow

Hand in hand with darkness

She walks out into an empty world

Animals flee in her presence

Only the foul and wretched remain

Dripping fangs and bloody fur

The dark and desolate, their playing ground

She reaches into the furthest corners of the earth

Ink spilled on a blank canvas

A stain that will never be lifted

Until the end of time

Though her reign won’t last forever

She will always return

Reclaiming her throne each day

Striking down the sun

Your hot touch to make me melt

Thaw my heart

The beauty you bring is beyond compare

Or so I’ve heard

And your gentle breezes soothe

While my icy winds sting

You bring the planet new life

In killing me

Though we meet but once a year

And only for a moment

I crave your warm embrace

You occupy my mind

And in grieving you I become bitter

But upon your return

I fade into oblivion

Allowing you to take centre stage

To be worshipped by millions

Cleanse body and soul

And reveal to all the deepest secret

Of a most beautiful daughter of the forest

Sworn to virginity

Yet with a new life within

With a scornful glance

Her beauty is transformed

And a bolt sends her skyward

Her breaking heart pierced

Her burning effigy spans the night sky

Both the lowly and great bear witness

Staring through the centuries

In ageless wonder

Her death

She stands

Crowned by vipers

Her punishment for another’s cruelty

Exiled from the temple

She will build her own

A congregation of stone

Worshipful hands and feet

With cold unseeing eyes

Her their only devotion

Fear and hatred last longer than love

Your cruelty will not breed the same in me

My heart will never feel hatred

And I won’t let anger take hold

You are nothing but the demon of my past

And I refuse you entry to my future

I will never look on others how you looked at me

Never make others feel how you made me feel

Never hurt anyone the way you hurt me

I will love

And I will be loved

I won’t give you the satisfaction of my hatred

Because even that

Tempting flowers to bloom,

Trees to give fruit,

Grain to come to harvest,

Animals to emerge from hiding.

Queen of the underworld

Steps above ground.

Joyous laughter fills the air,

Her voice rings out like a bell,

The world awakens at her touch,

Bare feet on dewy grass,

Garments of silk flowing,

Carried by a soothing breeze.

She turns her face upwards,

The sky,

The most wonderful colour,

More beautiful than in dreams,

And the glorious sunlight,

Her desperately missed friend,

I saw a beautiful wild flower,

The most gorgeous I’d ever seen,

I spent my days watching it grow,

Watering it with tears of joy,

And sunning it with the warmth of my love,

The flower grew day by day,

And as it grew,

It became more and more beautiful,

The temptation to pluck it from the grass,

Take it home,

Place it on my windowsill,

Grew great,

But if I pull it from the earth,

It will never grow again,

Its stunning petals will wither,

And it will die,

So I lie in the grass,

My eyes fixed on it,

Admiring the beauty,

There’s something you don’t know

Something I doubt you’d accept

Something that’s been since I was born

Thousands of comings out have been prepped

Father

We’ve always been ever so close

Support for when things get bad

So what if I told you

I like girls

Would you still love me, or get mad?

Father

There’s nothing that I can do

I’m bisexual

That’s who I am

I’d like to think

If you turned me away

That I wouldn’t give half a damn

But the truth is father

That all of your rants

Hit my chest like a battering ram

You say that it’s wrong

But you say that I’m loved

By you and by your god

So if I am loved

Why make me this way

I’m sorry father

Bringing light but not warmth,

The world is carpeted with white,

Once green expanses now a blank canvas,

Detail erased,

Bare trees climb towards the heavens,

Branches heavy with icy drifts,

And stand stark against a lilac sky,

Free from clouds,

Save pink highlights,

What would my hands do if they couldn’t hold yours?

What would my arms do if they couldn’t wrap around you?

What would my lips do if they couldn’t kiss yours?

What would my heart do if it couldn’t love you?

The taxi driver admires the view,

“It’s beautiful to someone new”,

He says,

“But seeing it every day, it loses its appeal”,

I tell him that it hasn’t for me,

That it still leaves me awestruck.

Maybe that’s why,

So long after we met,

You still knock the breath out of my lungs,

Why every time I see you,

I can’t keep my eyes off you,

Why I’m still mesmerised by your eyes,

Why I still melt every time you smile at me.

No matter how long we’re together,

How many times I see you,

I’ll never stop appreciating your beauty,

And the air is knocked from my lungs,

The gentlest, most tender kiss,

Leaves me breathless,

And a kiss with passionate heat,

Leaves me gasping for air,

Yet with you,

When I wake in the night and reach for you,

My arms will hold you tight,

The disappointment and longing I now feel,