turtles are gay too @thegrandtortoise - Tumblr Blog

scream

Same fucking energy

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roseofithaca

Do you think Jesus ever got many carpenter requests after he started preaching? Like did anyone ever go up to him and be like; "My Lord! My Lord!" And the disciples are all: "The Master won't do anymore miracles today." But obviously Jesus is like; "Yes, my child?" And they just ask what his basic rate is to fix their door.

sweetiepie08

No one talks enough about the fact that Jesus had a day job.

ranty9000

He repaired the relationship between humanity and god, he also repaired the table in his friend Mary's house cuz it wobbled too much.

firelordderpy

“Jesus!”

“How can I help you my child?”

“So the Chair I got from you and your dad is great, but I tripped over it and it broke, I was hoping you could fix it?”

“Go home and be at peace, your chair is fixed.”

“Lord, did you really just use a miracle to fix his chair?”

“Luke my son, it was still under warranty.”

tardigradetheking

“honey that guy who made our table got crucified”

I left tumblr because my dad found out i was using it too much and blocked it on our Wi-Fi. Meaning I can only use it on mobile and with my data. Kinda sucks. I really wanna come back though. Tumblr is more fun and honestly peaceful than any other social media platform i've used.

woundposting

stop shaming people for being passionate about the things that they love. stop mocking people for having unusual interests. like, honestly, i'm so tired of feeling embarrassed for being "too much". if being too much means having deep interests that fill my life with romanticism and excitement, then let me be!!! i'd much rather listen to anyone ranting about their latest obsession with 16th century swords than have a boring ordinary conversation with those who shame passionate people

So uh. What if I came back to tumblr.

(Twitter isn't fun anymore.)

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Come find me on Twitter y'all. @cypheryeba

Lmao.

Hi guys.

I feel obligated to post every time I log on cause I never know when I might log back in. Anyway I hope y'all are staying safe with the coronavirus and all that. I'm hella active on twitter now @yong_tortle come say hi (esp if you're into kpop)!! Love y'all.

#the turtle talks

Lmao look at me logging on after 3 million years

tortlepop

I've joined twitter so i might be on here way less.

@yong_tortle on twt if any of you care 💜

thegrandtortoise

I'm very active on twt nowadays. It's basically a kpop stan acc, but if you'd like to come say hi, that would be great :)

@yong_tortle 💜💜💜

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arandomthot

Making conversation can be tougher than it seems

nessaaageee

This one time at work, I was training someone and the system froze so I decided to have some small talk and I asked her if she had any kids or anything (she was older) and she started crying. She asked me if it was cool if she went to take a walk to get some air and I told her okay because I mean what was I supposed to say? Anyways, she came back clearly still upset and told me that her husband left her for one of her daughters.

After that, I kept all my conversations strictly work related.

hameenahatesyou-deactivated2023

👀

Bitch whet

iamnoonewhoareyou

I made all of these faces in that order

givemeinternet

writing-prompt-s

every person is born with the taco bell logo tattooed on their forehead. the logo changes colors like the tumblr logo during pride month when the person who is going to t-bone you in a 4 way intersection is nearby. one day your taco bell logo starts flipping its shit when you wake up next to the love of your life. you feel betrayed.

otohimeheart

why are all prompts from those shitty writing prompt blogs always the same. its always some shit like “every person is born with the taco bell logo tattooed on their forehead. the logo changes colors like the tumblr logo during pride month when the person who is going to t-bone you in a 4 way intersection is nearby. one day your taco bell logo starts flipping its shit when you wake up next to the love of your life. you feel betrayed.”

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thehousesunite

the houses as unique words:

gryffindor: rutilant (glowing or glittering with red or gold light), pugnacious (having a quarrelsome or combative nature), plisky (a practical joke; prank),

slytherin: vespertine (occurring or flourishing in the evening), gramarye (occult learning), aesopian (conveying meaning by hint, euphemism, innuendo, or the like)

ravenclaw: acatalepsy (the impossibility of comprehending the universe), hobbyhorse (a pet idea or project), bludge (to avoid work or responsibility)

hufflepuff: variegated (having marks of different colors), berceuse (a lullaby), puerile (childish or foolish)

writing-prompt-s

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

endreams-s

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

honeypressed

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

moonreflectioninthefragglepond

A++ addition

tetsuskitten

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

tigerliliesandcherryblossoms

I LOVE THIS

vmohlere

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

laziestofthedreamers

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

pamgkrthwrites

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal.

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

ladyhavilliard

…perfect

outerspacekake

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

squishyrogue-blog

I would watch this show

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turtles are gay too