??¿¿?¿

know that I burst out laughing

when I first saw this

whatever it is, whatever it isn’t, make sure that it’s real - E

ships: aiku/barou/sendou, karasu/otoya, kaiser/isagi, niko/charles, other background relationships

tags: no blue lock au, mall employees, light angst, eventual smut, multiple povs, complicated relationships

ch 26/33 - shidou - 3.2k

–

Do changing seasons bring a change of heart?

Sendou - propositioned by Itoshi Sae, of all people - has to contend with an unexpected resurfacing of emotions he never really considered he might have to confront. He definitely didn’t expect Sae to be the one to force him to confront them.

Kaiser deals with the aftermath of Alexis’, Sae’s, and Isagi’s confrontations while Isagi deals with the harsh reality that his expectations in a relationship might not always match what others want.

Karasu, still bruised from Hiori getting a new boyfriend, isn’t really looking for a relationship right now - good thing that whatever he gets into with Otoya, it’s not a relationship. Otoya won’t call it one, anyway.

It’s not that Niko doesn’t like Charles - completely the opposite, unfortunately - but this whole sudden obsession with Shidou’s really starting to make him feel like Charles never really cared much about him in the first place.

[read new chapter | read from beginning]

[read mall au part 1]

Two characters living alone ended up taking care of a pair of babies, and there have been several comments about how "the babies are the priority", "save the babies", "we knew what was most important" and I guess I don't see the logic, or rather, I know it's not logical - it's emotional and also symbolic. On one hand yes, I believe that a central role of society is to take care of the vulnerable; that is a cornerstone of my politics. However, in a day to day survival scenario where you need to save either an adult or a baby, I don't think you should automatically pick the baby Just Because. It seems reasonable to save the adult, because you need their experience and pair of hands. You can always make more babies if you need to. Making an adult takes a lot more time. But babies tend to attain this exalted, near-religious status in these kinds of stories.

it’s been 9 years since i wrote this. i was experiencing 24/7 anxiety so badly that i needed serious medication. these days in the back of my car is an “emergency party box.” when people admit they no longer really celebrate their birthday; i tell them to put the sash on and queue up kesha, we’re going bowling or something. these days i can’t spin around without finding something i am enamored with. these days i list 3 things i’m grateful for before i fall asleep. you’re probably one of them, just by virtue of you existing.

at the time i wrote this, i was suffering through a severe panic attack literally every night. i tortured my brother with constant 2 AM calls just to hear someone else breathing, because i couldn’t be alone in the silence.

i rarely wish i was still 23 even though ironically i had more hope back then. what i can tell you is this: i love the same way, but bigger now. i’ve worn the velvet cape to several business meetings. i spent thursday in a crop top without caring what my stomach looked like.

i told her i like her; i often dress as a witch. i still got glass in my foot this morning. i’ve kissed maybe a thousand people since then and met a million more than that; passing like the shadow of a hammerhead in trains and planes and buses.

i saw you, beloved, there, maybe, on platform in south station. you didn’t speak, but you said: i struggle to give the nothing meaning. the nothing fills up everything. it is just loud and yellowed panicked silence. i can’t stop shaking.

on the roof, birds curl together against the chilled spring wind. the sky outside of the craft store was an iridescent pink. the nothing already had meaning; you are giving it meaning by witnessing.

We need to go back to private forums.