The Dating Vigilante

We live in a world where you can pretty much find out anything, about anybody, at any given time.  Unless of course this person purposely lives off the grid ie. no SM and in the online dating world provides no pics, no real name and uses a text to phone app to communicate off line.  

So what’s wrong with wanting privacy you ask? Nothing, BUT if you are going to enter into the online dating world and you maintain this secretive need for privacy you can bet your ass he is hiding something.

When a man messages me on line and does not have the decency to at the very least send me a pic with his message, it's a NOPE!  I get you want to keep your profile hidden, afraid of the dangers of online dating.  Well, if a man is too afraid to show his face and he doesn't have the balls to level the playing field when messaging me, he is NOT a man worthy of my time😂.  That and chances are he is UNATTRACTIVE. 100% of the time I have entertained this conversation only to be sent pictures after 3 or 4 messages are exchanged, the man is NOT attractive.  So now I have to awkwardly tell him this.  Your own fault son....you could have saved yourself the embarrassment by being honest to begin with. 

Imagine a man walking up to you in a bar wearing a paper bag over his head.  Would you smile and welcome a conversation with this man.  HELL NO!!   

It’s rude, cowardly and let’s face it down right weird lol

Now I have heard EVERY excuse in the book.  “I can’t show my face because of my job”  Oh yeah??? Do you work for CSIS?  Are you an internationally known super hero??  In which case you should not be online dating.  “I’m a fireman and can’t show my face” LMFAO are you afraid that pussy cat you rescued is going to claw your eyes out when she sees you online again?? 🤣 For those of you who don’t know, the reason Firemen and Police don’t put up their real pics is because they are dogs are are just there to fuck every women and move on.  

So, now let’s add to the mix, NOT having  a name on the profile, and only wanting to communicate via some app like KIK or snap.  THIS MAN IS NOT SINGLE!!!!!!! 

Some women, unfortunately, have made dating a game of acquisitions.  Whether it be free dinners, free drinks, free shopping. These women have created this culture of using men to get things.  This game is as old as time. Afterall, Marilyn Monroe and Madonna made it cheekily famous! 

However, in today’s “regular people” dating world, I did not know this was even a thing until I started having conversations and men have told me the reason they don’t take a woman out for dinner on the first date is because he doesn't want to feel “used”. 

My response to that is, what kind of women are you dating and how do you not know before meeting them whether they would be worth your time? This also leads me to believe that these men ask out a LOT of women playing the odds but don’t actually take the time to suss out quality. 

See, when I make the decision to meet a man, he has to fulfil a shit load of basics, otherwise I will NOT waste his time or mine. Unless it's a throw away date lol in which case a coffee is fine as I know he doesn’t stand a chance😂

However, if a man is genuinely interested in me then he should recognize that I am quality AAA grade cream of the crop!!! If he offers a coffee date (sans pandemic) then he just will NOT get a second date.

WHY???? Because if he treats me like he would EVERY other woman then I will treat him like EVERY other man 🤣

If he is unable to be discerning and is too cheap to make the effort of the WOO, then I am not interested.  The best part is when they ask you for dinner and then cheap out during the actual date. Then I like to have some fun😉 

FAV Dating Story: Dinner date set for Friday evening after work at the Keg Steak House downtown. We meet at a convenient location near the restaurant and exchange our pleasantries prior to walking over for dinner. There is a line up.  The Keg does NOT take reservations on Friday nights as walk in business is their bread and butter.  I am STARVING!!!  We decide to walk down the street to another restaurant that had no line up and it was cute and cozy.  We even got a booth! 

Menus were given and my eyes feasted on what to order.  He took the liberty of ordering for us and ordered an appetizer.  Just ONE appetizer.  I said “Oh I thought we were going to order dinner”.  His response was to see how things go.  I knew right then this guy was just a cheap little asshole with no grace whatsoever.  So I turned my charm on.  I was flirty and kept ordering Oban Scotch...doubles. He was taking a liking to my flirtatiousness and he ordered a SECOND appetizer!!! Daddy Warbucks would be rolling in his grave!!

All this, while he was telling me how much money he makes, how he would fly his last GF to Paris with him for business trips and how he would spoil her with lingerie etc etc. BLAH, BLAH, freaking BLAH!!!  BTW she was a single mom with 3 baby daddies, no job and she cheated on him.🤣

The bill came and he was shocked that 2 appetizers and 6 drinks, (3 each) would come out to over $200. He actually turned to me and said “Had I known you had such expensive taste in scotch I would have split the bill with you hahaha”. WTF dude??? YOU asked me out to DINNER!!! I needed to make up the caloric intake of what would have been my meal for the day you cheap ass LMAO!!  I coyly smiled at him and thanked him for indulging me. That's when he leaned in for a kiss.....

Sting made stalking sweet and romantic. Hollywood makes stalking cute in a romcom.  The reality is stalking is just plain creepy and unfortunately for some people it has turned into criminal activity.  I am lucky enough to not to have had any dead animals arrive at my doorstep or have had to get a restraining order. 

Having said that, I no longer put my first name on my profile and I NEVER let a man pick me up from home.  

This of course comes from lessons learned.  I used to have my first name and a pic from work that had my company logo in the background.  Thanks to Linkedin I was very easily found.

On 2 separate occasions at 2 different office locations, these men whom I had very clearly expressed my disinterest were HELL bent on meeting me because the belief is that if I met them in person I would fall in love with them!! LMFAO😛. 

I did not have the heart to tell the first guy “you’re too little for me at 5′7, I don't care how much money you make, I could beat the crap out of you and it’s a turn off!!”.  I just politely say, “You’re simply not my cup of tea”. 

He showed up at my office with a dozen long stem roses to WOO me for fuck sakes!!🤣 Office Manager had a field day when she had to tell me what was waiting for me.  I was embarrassed and at the same time felt sorry for the little guy. I took him downstairs so we could speak in private where I had to let him down gently.  Such a nice guy, worked in finance, but DAMN was he little!!

Second guy was actually a MAYBE, but he lives in Barrie and the distance was a non starter.  I told him as much and he kept saying he would “go the distance”.  I told him I appreciated that but the reality is I don’t bring men home and I am not driving north or 100 km to see a man.  I don’t care how cute he is.  BTW he was not that cute lol 

Well.... he decided to show me he would go the distance and drove ALL the way downtown which from Barrie at any given moment is over 1.5 hours!! and he showed up unannounced!!! Couldn’t live that one down in the office and we went for coffee in the Atrium where I had to once again, let the guy down easy. 

Now let me paint a picture for you...it was the culmination of all bad dates rolled into one.  He showed up wearing shorts, a t shirt, baseball cap and sneakers.  I was at work.  In a suit! What were you thinking DUDE??? His pictures were definitely aged as he was down right chubby compared to the fit man on his profile.  Dad bod to the max!! Receding hairline which was only revealed to me while he wiped the sweat off his head.  YES! HE WAS SWEATING PROFUSELY!!! He was nervous and as we sat to drink coffee, he spilled it on his shirt.  I felt like I was helping a hermit man learn how to reintegrate into normal society.  He was laughing nervously when I asked WHY would he come all this way when I was explicit in me not being interested.  He took the day off so he could show me he would go the distance.  I guess he was looking to create some big gesture of sorts. Thank you John Hughes!! 😏

Make a long story short, men are often deluded into thinking they are the cat’s meow and will go to the ends of the earth for what they desire. Its flattering, BUT it’s also creepy when it’s unwanted attention.

I bet that got your attention!! The oral activity I am referring to is good conversation and in the case of this blog post, men who just don’t have the ability to give good oral🤣.  

The secret to a smart woman’s appetite in the dating world is a man who can turn her on with words, witt, charm, humour and having enlightened thought exchanges.  A nice ass helps too😋 

This powers a part of her brain that makes her believe the man is genuinely interested in her and has the ability to keep up with good oral...good conversation. 

Afterall, good communication is the cornerstone of all successful relationships whether it be in the courtroom, the boardroom or ... the bedroom😉

The initial indicators start with what happens on line. This will then make you decide whether you want to take it off line via text and of course the phone call imperative to make sure this man can indeed fulfill this need for good communication.

Now what happens when you meet in person and this man’s ability to parle effectively with what has been established prior to meeting just FAILS?? 

I wish I could tell you some of my stories are one offs, but alas, I wouldn’t be blogging if this wasn’t a recurring issue among the feeble male population😆 

Now I have been on dates with men where English is not their first language and while I try to be patient, it’s just not easy to get through conversation when you have to stop an explain things.  Having said that, there are a lot of educated men out there with a good command of the English language, but often times my sarcasm and dry humour gets lost in translation lol

This is one of my first dates from about 4 years ago...On line convo is good.  cracked a few jokes and decided to exchange numbers.  We even spent some good time chatting on the phone and there were NO red flags to make me believe  communication would be an issue. Fast forward to our dinner date...

We meet outside of the restaurant and he instantly looks me up and down and says “You’re tall”.   I am NOT tall.  I am 5′5 and I wear heels.  His profile stated 6′ and he was NOT 6′. But this being me in my dating infancy did not make an issue of it. I simply chuckled and said, “oh it’s just the heels”.  What I didn’t realize was that he immediately experienced conversational shrinkage😂

We got into the restaurant and me being the chatty Cathy that I am, wasn’t paying attention to the fact that he really was not contributing.  We sat down and I began by asking him how his day was.  His response “good”.  I followed up with asking him what he did.  His response “stuff”.  I knew immediately that he was nervous as he was rubbing his hands and rocking back and forth.  Another follow up question to make sure he wasn’t experiencing any medical issues and he replied with “Okay”. At this point he ordered his beer, ONE word, and ordered wings ONE word.  Even the server had difficulty getting this guy to give answers beyond one word.  ie. what kind of sauce would you like he actually responded with “whatever”.  I was about to LOSE my mind!!!

I asked him if he is normally like this when our phone conversations were so good and he told me he is shy.  Awwwwwwwww..... if you can’t be out in public with a woman then maybe you shouldn't be dating or go pick up someone from the library dude!!! 

The rest of the night was me trying to move the conversation along. I would ask a question, he would reply with ONE word and then I would basically have a monologue of answering my own questions to fill in the time that seemed to stand still!

I have been fortunate to have a great career.  Much of my experience leant itself to learning how to coach people and to help them uncover their blocks and help them overcome fear or remove triggers from their life to move forward.  

So naturally when I see a wounded bird or in this case a sorry ass man who could use a little help, I flex my coaching as payment for the dinner or date.  ‘Cause that is all he is gettin’ from me🤣

My previous entry was about men who use vulnerability to take advantage of women.  This post is about men who genuinely need help to make them better men and to release them back into the dating wild for better results. 

Again, this has happened more than you can imagine.....  

I had the 4 hour car and park date which ended up in him realizing his intimacy and commitment issues stemmed from his strained relationship with his father.  I received a lovely text 2 weeks later that he finally reached out to his dad and he is making an effort to mend the relationship and he thanked me for listening and helping him uncover all his pent up hurt.  

There was the date where he felt stuck in his life because everytime he breaks up with a woman he starts over and feels like he is getting no where.  What does a break up have to do with your own self worth??  I was a lot more compassionate in the coaching session 😂

So many stories, but this one is my FAV...

Younger gentleman, and I stress gentleman as he was nothing but the perfect gentleman the entire time.  Made dinner reservations at a lovely steak house and from our conversations I knew we were not at the same stage in life, but he seemed confident and I thought let’s try something new. Conversations were witty and he was quick and cute with his comebacks.  Mucho importante for a woman like me to be able to keep up with my banter. Very easy to talk to and I was feeling flirty and excited to be on a date with a younger man😉

We meet in the parking lot and I am wearing an all black outfit and red heels.  Feeling sexy and sultry only to be met by....Geppetto😂.  A 36 year old man who looked like his grandpa!  Wearing a black woolen peacoat COVERED in cat fur, pleated black pants that were never hemmed and too long for his legs.  A white button down shirt 3 sizes too big, black industrial orthopedic shoes and hair that clearly needed some up keep. 

Needless to stay, If I had a penis I went from having a full on hard on before getting out of the car to full on SHRINKAGE in under 2 seconds.🤣🤣🤣 

The meal was amazing!  Male Brazilian servers were flirty and hot and made the date worth while for me.  I was gregarious and having fun with the staff and the manager and this poor guy just could NOT keep up.  He had personality shrinkage the entire date lol.  His confidence plummeted, his conversation was mediocre at best and toward the end of the date, I asked him why is he so nervous.  He turned beet red!  I smiled and told him he is not alone in experiencing this instant shyness with me.  So then I gave him 2 choices 

1.  Go our separate ways and feel the defeat of trying to bat in a league you are clearly unqualified for. 2. I will spend an hour with him after the date to coach him how to date better and within his league.  

He opted for option #2! End result, he went shopping for some fitted clothes, got a stylish haircut AND he got a new job with better pay and better position as a result of some boosted confidence!  I also gave him a carrot and told him when he gets himself all done up and can keep up with me on a date I will take him out for drinks to celebrate his evolution😉

Have you ever been in the presence of a man who has poured his heart out to you and begins to cry to show his genuine emotion?  When in a loving relationship, this display of vulnerability can draw you closer and make you love him even more.  

Now, have you ever been on a first date when a man cries uncontrollably at the dinner table?  The same level of closeness is NOT experienced and makes it awkward having the OPPOSITE effect of what a man thinks he is trying to accomplish.

I would like to say this was a one off thing... alas, it’s happened to me 3 times!  I must have some weird affect on men that makes them cry and in all cases, I was not being mean or sassy, just listened and sympathised with them as they poured their hearts out.  Get a therapist! Then when I reflect on the date I realize... its The Crying Game.  I’ll explain further down...

FAV Dating Story: Picture this...it was summer 2019...sitting in a booth at Montana’s.  My date and I order dinner and drinks and as we wait for service, I begin with the usual “tell me about your life” portion of the conversation.  Single dad, crazy ex wife, yadda, yadda, yadda.  As we begin to enjoy our dinner he shares the guilt he has with the kids not being with him as often as he would like and how it pains him. Awwwwwwww.  I sympathize with him telling him it must be hard.  He then goes on about how he has no friends, he has no one to turn to and that he is sooooo lonely that he needs a woman to help him feel better.  WHAT??  I listen and start reflecting back what he is feeling.  He starts to sob a little.  I ask him if he has ever seen a therapist and he tells me no as he would feel shame.  My heart leans into him and I begin to feel bad for him as his sobs become a full on snotty cry at the dinner table.  He was also an ugly crier🙄.  Luckily we were in a booth and he could hide his overwhelming display of emotion. 

As we begin to wrap up dinner and he gets the cheque, he asks me if I would like to come back to his place for a night cap.............WHAT NOW??

That’s when it hit me.  This is The Crying Game. You see men know that vulnerability can be an aphrodisiac for women. And yes... in a LOVING RELATIONSHIP!  Not on a first date!!! 🤮

I told him that I felt he needed time to heal and to work on developing his own sense of self.  His demeanour changed almost instantly. He became cold and distant and told me I didn’t understand him and his needs. LMFAO🤣

A standard rule in dating and in other areas of life is the person who does the inviting takes care of the date or event.  Unless otherwise specified like let’s say a pot luck dinner, if I invite someone to my home, I will be making them dinner.  I do not expect my guests to show up with their own food or have to pay for dinner.  If I invite someone out on a date, I will cover the cheque.  

Soooo..when a man asks me out to dinner or any date for that matter I would expect him to make sure HE picks up the cheque.  

Now when that said man “forgets” his wallet and sheepishly tells me he will make it up to me on our second date, the answer right there, right then is NOT a chance buddy!!  It’s like this is some weird tactic to somehow guarantee a second date. If I were a vindictive woman I would agree to second date and order top shelf scotch just so he could “make it up” to me and then ghost him🤣

This unfortunate situation has happened more than I would care to admit.  But I am a woman of class and I graciously take care of the bill as I am not one to make a scene in the bar or restaurant or stiff the wait staff.  I will however very plainly tell my date he is a low life and he doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as I do! Date within your means asshole!!

FAV story: We meet at the bar and it’s evident he is WAY out of his league. Little did I know that he was living at home with his mom and he was temp out of work.  This I found out AFTER said date.  He had already begun drinking before I got there as when we walked in, he went straight to a table that had a pint of beer half empty and the server came up to him and asked if he will be settling up.  I told the server we just arrived and there was an awkward exchange.  I then realized this half empty glass belonged to my date.  I ordered my scotch neat and he order another pint.  That’s when he turned to me and said “I’m a little shy tonight”.   I suspected immediately that he meant he did not have enough money to cover the bill, BUT I wanted to hear him say that.  I responded with “oh don’t worry honey, no need to be shy with me”.  He then said he had “forgotten” his wallet at home but that he would pay me back at the end of the night. 

Make a long story short, ‘cause there are other parts to this story that are equally unbelievable, but we will stay on this track.

End of the night I have to drive this 42 year old man home where he gives me his sob story.  I tell him he needs to grow his ass up and he needs to pay me back as he ordered 7 drinks that night!!!.  This is where he begs me for a second chance and I tell him, the only second chance he is going to get is from his mama who loves him no matter what apparently. 

When an Italian man says “Let me cook you dinner” my instant thought is oooooohhhh a man who can cook AND wants to show off his culinary delights! 

How amazing and who doesn’t love a good pasta dish or veal parmigiana, I ask myself in jest.   The reality is men, in general, have an over inflated sense of self. Of course women, in general, are too polite to tell a man otherwise. So they bumble through life thinking that what mama told them all those years is actually true.  News flash...your mama lied because she loves you. 

Not this mama....

I waited with anticipation from the night before. I didn’t want to feel bloated and the next day ate like a bird so naturally I was starving but felt slim as my stomach was virtually empty.  I arrive with a bottle of wine and some chocolate for my date hosting this exquisite meal he was preparing.

I’m greeted at the front door and walk into a beautiful townhouse.  Well decorated and a faint smell of vanilla from the strategically placed candles.  I was expecting a romantic table setting only to see our dinner placemats set up on the island of the kitchen.  THE KITCHEN ISLAND. The dining room table is on display with no apparent use other than...decoration. 

I see the stove top with various pots and as the pots continue to boil he pours me a HALF glass of wine and begins to give me a dissertation of the special SOUP he has made that he was taught while living in Vietnam.  

Here is the magic.  Are you ready????....chicken stock, 3 whole carrots and shredded celery.  THAT'S IT! No noodles, no rice, NO nothing!!  I asked him if this was the starter and that I was expecting something a little more elaborate.  He then whipped up a salad of...lettuce, just lettuce and pulled out the 2 drumettes that he boiled in the soup as the “main course”.

WTF!!!!  I let out a giggle and told him had I known what to expect I would have provided myself more sustenance throughout the day.  He wasn’t too pleased with my comment.  The talk track in my head is my daughter at the age of 7 could have made this soup and just googled it. I should have said to him as well, but my full on vigilante hadn't quite evolved at that time. 

Night ended with us watching a movie and me coyly rejecting his physical advances. 

It’s no secret.  Men are very sensitive about losing their hair.  Let’s face it.  Other than a great smile, a tight tush and some nice strong arms, luscious hair on any man can and will make him look more attractive than he is.  Confidence is often tied to a man’s hair decisions which also makes him attractive.  Take that hair and confidence away and unless he looks like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, he’s just not as handsome and sexy.  Period. 

Now, having said all of the above, there are some very sexy bald men out there.  Men who have come to terms with their hair loss and have confidently made a decision to not look like Friar Tuck 😋

Dating tip: When perusing pics online and profiles, carefully pay attention to how many Baseball Cap photos are included and also what the “colour” of their hair is on line. If it says BALD.  There is no mystery.  If the pics are baseball cap and hat exclusive and there is a hair colour stated, there is a receding hairline or balding issue at stake.

NOTE: men who exclusively wear caps or hats to cover this up will have an insecurity of some sort.  If hair is an issue for you, trust me...swipe left.  If hair makes no difference to you but an insecure man does... swipe left.  If you just don’t give a shit because he’s cute as a button...do whatever you like, but don’t say I didn’t warn you 🤣

Ghosting sucks! It happens to everyone, What’s even worse is when that ghost comes back wanting a second chance or has some inane excuse as to why they ghosted in the first place.

My theory is that men, I’m sure like women, entertain multiple conversations with people at the same time and gravitate to the person that is most likely to fulfill their instant need for gratification. 

When the other prospects don’t seem as interesting or require more effort to woo, ghosting is inevitable.

So what happens when that ghost reappears weeks, months or even years later like nothing has happened? How do you handle it? Do you give them a second chance?

I’m a big believer in ball busting😂 If the person was not mature enough to tell you they lost interest or that they have made a connection they would like to see through, then I like to play a little game.

FAV ghosting recall story:  Guy ghosts after making a FIRM date.  Date, time and location all established.  Day of date, I text to confirm and get NO response. Clearly, another fishy in the sea has caught this man’s attention or he has died.  There really is no other viable explanation for ghosting.  6 weeks later he texts me out of the blue and says “hey, how about that drink?”  So I coyly reply “yes please 😉”. We establish where and when to meet and I tell him that I hope he actually comes this time and he tells me some sorry excuse about having had  to “work” the last time.  He is a physical therapist.  Our previous date was set for 9:30 as his clinic closes at 9pm.  He ghosted me at 3pm lol.  

So flash forward we are sitting in the pub, we order drinks and I lean over with a cute smile and say “so what happened last time?”.  THIS was his explanation. He had a last minute client show up and he couldn't leave.  Really???  At 3pm you knew that a last minute client would show up at 9pm?  I called him out on his bullshit.  He then got real angry at me for accusing him of lying .  Funny how a liar gets so angry when they get called out 🤣

He was raising his voice to the point where the other patrons in the bar were staring as I sat there and smiled.  “You agreed to a date just so you can shame me?”  YUP!!

He grabbed his jacket from the back of the seat and flung it causing the chair to topple over.  “Go sweetheart, we are done here, I’ll take care of the drinks”. I winked at him and he literally ran out the door. GROWN ass man ran out the door! 

The porn industry has turned the older mommy figure, cougar, into a young man’s coveted fantasy.  This dates back at least a few decades, but has now become so mainstream that young men actively hunt older mommies as part of their sexual education!! 

That sounds clinical I know.  In layman's terms.  24 year olds want 44 year old women who know what they’re doing and the sexual peaks are in tune. Mother nature was not in charge when this was determined that’s for sure🤨

THIS is the problem.  I have NO desire to be with a man who is young enough to be my son and a man who has NO idea what he is doing!!! 

And of course EVERY 20 something year old dude out there thinks his cock is the magic wand to please all women. Just because you play with the same toy over and over doesn't mean the toy works the way it’s supposed to when somebody else wants to play with it. 😂

So why is this an issue?  Well, young men will put older ages online to trick the algorithm into matching them with older women.  Most will come clean somewhere in their profile, but there are the sneaky ones who will put up blurry pics, group shots or far away shots to give the illusion of someone older to match the stipulated age.

FAV Dating Story:  Profile-age 38, owns his own company, no kids, never married.  Texts are good, phone conversation decent.  The tone of his voice made me believe instantly I was not dealing with a man of 38 years.  I agreed to meet for coffee knowing this was going nowhere. 

From 30 feet away, I knew my spidey senses were correct.  I whip out my phone and pull up his pics and when we meet now face to face I ask him “who the fuck is this on your profile?”  He chuckled and told me it was his uncle.  HIS UNCLE!!!!!!  He grew his beard like his uncle and the resemblance was indeed remarkable, but I was standing next to a 23 year boy who is now begging me to bed him. 

It’s no secret that I have a competitive streak.  This often brings out the worst in men who can’t handle being beaten by a “girl”.😂

Men typically like to showboat their skillz and bring on their peacock bravado to show a woman how talented and manly they are.  It gets super funny when that bravado turns into a full on temper tantrum when my date loses in a game of bowling or air hockey and even axe throwing!

Men can’t handle defeat to someone they feel should not be better than they are. Insert “any woman” here.  

Fav Excuses: I was taking it easy on you. Oh yeah?? All seven games? LMAO. 

I’m not feeling well.  Awwwwwww... you seemed just fine when we started! Would you like a blankie and a tea to make you feel better? 🤣  

And my all time favourite.  My date complained to the manager that the bowling lane was warped to explain all his gutter balls. We are bowling the same lane dude and I kicked your ass... 3 times back to back!!! 

We know that men are visual creatures.  Men see what they like and instantly will gravitate toward their object of desire and delude themselves into thinking that if they like this woman, it MUST be mutual.  This is usually accompanied by a good chest beating and grunts

As the Great Gazoo would say “oh you dumb dumbs”🤣

I’m also a natural flirt, so I have to keep my body language in check when I am clearly NOT interested in a man. BUT it seems that men don’t know how to read body language as their visual queues are very much limited to the aesthetic. 

If a woman keeps her conversation short and curt, and keeps her limbs to herself and orders like a bird...she is NOT interested!!! 

Fav signs Dating Story: Lunch time date out by the airport.  Phone call, check.  Tall, check. Good job, check. In person, not check.  Actually he was Polish🙄  He became very handsy the second he saw me.  Short of smacking my ass as we walked into the bar, this 6′3 big boy wanted to make a statement to the cock fest waiting inside. He proceeds to order half the menu as I stick to my salad and single (that’s my go to order when I have zero interest) and he engages in his own lively talk track telling jokes and laughing at his own comedy. Even looking up at some of the dudes at the bar for some type of validation. 

I excuse myself to freshen up and upon my return tell him I have to jet.  Timing was good so he settled up with the server and we walked out with his hand on my hip.  I quickly removed it coyly as though I was adjusting my purse. 

As we get to my car I extend my hand to shake his and to thank him.  That’s when he leans in for a kiss.  I push him away and he berates me in the parking lot telling me I owed him a kiss for the lunch he bought.  He then pushed me up against my car and leans in again.  

Now I am no small woman but even a 6′3 250 lbs man will make my life a little difficult.  I planted my knee between his legs, thrust the cradle of my hand against the nape of his neck and threw all my weight shoving him up against the mini van behind him.  I yelled at him as loudly and aggressively as I could telling him “don't you ever fucking touch me again asshole”.   That got the attention of the other patrons leaving. I quickly got in my car and squealed out of the parking lot. 

Have you ever fallen in love with someone’s voice? It’s a beautiful thing. 

Have you ever had your ears pierced with a shocking tone in person that made you want to LOL literally or upchuck?  Dating tip: Insist on the phone call BEFORE meeting.

I have learned many lessons in the last 4 years.  A man’s voice could make or break your desire to meet him in person.  I’m sure men have this opinion as well about women.  But not just the voice, the inflection, the use of vocabulary, the art of conversation and mild flirting are all part of the phone call imperative. 

This helps you connect and to decide if you want to continue getting to know someone before investing in a date. 

Flash back....no phone call was had.  Texting conversation was fun and delightful and just enough flirty to make me get excited to meet this man for dinner.  

Now imagine showing up and greeting your date and you both smile at one another lean in for a friendly little hug and out comes Mickey Mouse...yup.           I quickly scanned the room for a helium tank and a prank team to jump out at me. Nope.  I went on a dinner date with Mickey freaking Mouse.

I was quick enough to tell him that I may have to jet sooner than expected...mom duty caling (great excuse at ANY given time) and I ordered a salad and a single neat. 

First impressions.  We’ve heard this mantra since grade school.  Apparently in the online dating world, first impressions are out the window! 

I am a single mom in my 40′s and I have been blessed with some pretty decent genes.  Having said that, I do not have abs of steel and an ass you can bounce a quarter off of.  However, I treat every first date like I would an interview.  I dress nicely for the occasion/venue and I make sure I look as damn hot as I can so that my date sees that I look better in real life than my pics. 

It’s the old European pride in taking care of my appearance and my grandma’s voice in my head telling me to always look nice in public. 

I often will also go on “throw away” dates with men who have larger than life egos, just so when I show up looking like a freaking Kardashian, their egos get put in check.  I know how that sounds, but it’s my reality and I love to make men nervous and sweat especially when I initially said no to begin with 😛

Showing up in sweat pants, a ball cap and high top runners even for coffee is NOT acceptable at this stage in your life. If I wanted to date a thug all I would have to do is take a stroll at the ghetto mall. 

I’m an educated, professional woman.  My pics AND profile are very clear as to who I am and what I am about.  I make no bones about it.                                    I am strong, smart, sexy and sassy.  

So when a man shows up under dressed my go to question is “Did you not have enough time to go home and change?” 

Most women cannot keep up in a drinking game with men.  However, I am not most women.  I’m a social drinker and I like my scotch.  This is usually met with a pique of interest from men and their desire to now go drink for drink with me over dinner.  I order doubles. Neat.  They try to keep up, but as in most areas of life, finding a man who can keep up with me in any arena is proving to be a joke 🤣

Fav story...about the time I had to watch my date sleep it off.  

What he looked like and what his profile showed were NOT congruent.  Pics were about 5 years old and I was met by a grey haired man about 70 lbs heavier than his pictures would suggest.  BUT not in the obese way.  He decided at that point in his life he would like to improve his physique by body building.  So basically I went on a date with the Incredible Hulk.

The thing is with any type of body building, drug enhancements are often used and a very specific diet which typically does not include the consumption of alcohol. 

We ordered a lovely steak dinner and he attempted to go double scotch toe to toe with me.  BTW he started with a Coors Light before I got there. By the 3rd glass, he was unable to finish his meal, the restaurant was shutting down and the Manager had to help me carry this lug to my car where I sat him in the passenger seat to sleep it off as he would not take an uber.  

I sat playing solitaire and perusing my phone for my next date story...for 2 freaking hours!!!

Imagine seeing your date from afar and as you walk up to one another you are met with a toothless grin.  That’s right...you read that correctly, a TOOTHLESS grin!  Now I am not talking about NO teeth I am talking about 7 missing teeth.  This was the first of 4 dates back to back with men having poor dental make up and obviously hygiene. 

Ladies, you can bet your fine ass that if you were missing even just 1 tooth, your date would run for the hills!  WHY do men think it is okay to not take care of their dental composure?? I’ll tell you why, refer back to an earlier segment...men...are...lazy. They also know that there are women out there who are desperate and will look passed the gaping holes in their mouth and just “do” them.  

One guy had both rows of teeth rotted to the core! Picture a corn on the cob.  Now eat all the corn.  The stubs left are what his teeth looked like. YUCK!!

THEN I met a man who some how had all the missing teeth from the previous four dates and when he smiled rows of teeth and a gummy grin met me in shock and horror.  I was wearing sun glasses at the time and managed to keep my composure.  

Conversation piece went something like this...”sounds like you have a good job, do you also have good dental benefits?” 😁