#nosecondchances

When it comes to friendships, once someone shows disloyalty, it’s hard for me to go back to how things were. I believe in loyalty and trust, and when those are broken, something fundamental changes. I don’t hold any grudges or carry any bad feelings, but I also don’t see the point in rekindling a friendship that didn’t work out. It’s not about being angry or wanting to keep distance out of spite;…

Financially, my spouse and I are not in a good place. At all. We are at the point where we are going to need to talk to my grandmother for aid, which...is not ever something I've ever in my life have ever wanted to do. You don't just go to your Japanese American grandmother and ask for massive amounts of critical life saving amounts of money...you have to have a very solid damn good plan. You have to have a very well put together thought process. You have to make sure that you won't fuck it up again. You have to go into this knowing that you will not get a second chance after this. If you fuck up again after this, there will be no more saves. It will be Game Over.

My spouse and I have to make sure that we have a good concrete plan...and we have to also be willing to share all of our financial hardships with both my dad and my grandma (for personal private reasons, I won't share here why my dad is also involved but he is, so just roll with it, okay?). Both of them will need to see an itemized list of ALL of our debts. They will need to see exactly what kind of financial situation we are in. They will need to see exactly how bad of a situation we are dealing with - not just with the housing situation but all around finances. Just to see what exactly is making all of this so damn hard in general. This is going to be...intense. And humiliating. And so so hard...

And on top of all of that...in order to deal with the bills and things that we have right now, right this second, we had no choice but to collect up items that we have right now...things that were worth money...and to sell them. We took them to shops that would buy the items in question...and we sold them. Pieces of ourselves...pieces of our childhood. Loved, treasured, cherished items. It may seem silly to some people, that these are just "things", but these things were precious to the both of us.

Like my oboe from when I was ending high school and going into university. My electric guitar when I was a freshman in college. My spouse's gameboy color and their games. My Final Fantasy VII game. My Pocket Pikachu.

For someone like me who has a horrible memory also? Having items like that around is very very important because they help me to remember things. And when they're gone...I tend to find that the memories tend to go along with them.

I can't speak for my spouse...but for me, I feel like I lost pieces of myself today. I feel like I lost chunks of joy from my being. And I wasn't ready to let go...I didn't want to say goodbye yet. I wasn't ready...

But unfortunately, we find ourselves in such an awful state of affairs that we have no other options left but to let go of pieces of ourselves in order for us to continue to be able to afford to keep the lights on, the water flowing and a roof over our heads.

You'll find at the top of this post is my LinkTree. In it is a bunch of links (that's what a LinkTree is meant for) for things like PayPal and Venmo and CashApp. If anyone is interested, those are ways that you can help us out...I'm a Japanese American trans non-binary disabled fiber artist. Which leads me to another link on there: my Ko-Fi shop. I make and sell things made from yarn and wool and things. I also have started making Pin Badges. Buying things from me is another way that you can help to support me.

Our living situation is horrible...we are needing to get out of this living situation that we are in. Badly. And we are needing to find a new place to live and with my spouse also trying to find a new job all at the same time...it's a mess. Everything is a mess.

Anyway, I've rambled enough...If folks have made it this far, then let me reward you with this piece of lived experience advice: seriously vet the housemates that you live with if you end up living with other housemates. I'm serious. Because that's the biggest reason for why my spouse and I are in the situation that we are in. Make sure that before you sign ANY leases with anyone...that you DEEPLY vet whoever it is that you are planning to move in with before you sign ANYTHING. You see what their living habits are. You see how clean they are. How they keep their pets. How they keep their kitchen, their bathroom, etc. If they are already living in a place and they are already established somewhere and there's a garage? INSIST upon checking it. I am not kidding. If there's a laundry room area? See how it's maintained. Heavily. Interview. Whoever. It. Is. That. You. Plan. To. Move. In. With.

Ghosting sucks! It happens to everyone, What’s even worse is when that ghost comes back wanting a second chance or has some inane excuse as to why they ghosted in the first place.

My theory is that men, I’m sure like women, entertain multiple conversations with people at the same time and gravitate to the person that is most likely to fulfill their instant need for gratification. 

When the other prospects don’t seem as interesting or require more effort to woo, ghosting is inevitable.

So what happens when that ghost reappears weeks, months or even years later like nothing has happened? How do you handle it? Do you give them a second chance?

I’m a big believer in ball busting😂 If the person was not mature enough to tell you they lost interest or that they have made a connection they would like to see through, then I like to play a little game.

FAV ghosting recall story:  Guy ghosts after making a FIRM date.  Date, time and location all established.  Day of date, I text to confirm and get NO response. Clearly, another fishy in the sea has caught this man’s attention or he has died.  There really is no other viable explanation for ghosting.  6 weeks later he texts me out of the blue and says “hey, how about that drink?”  So I coyly reply “yes please 😉”. We establish where and when to meet and I tell him that I hope he actually comes this time and he tells me some sorry excuse about having had  to “work” the last time.  He is a physical therapist.  Our previous date was set for 9:30 as his clinic closes at 9pm.  He ghosted me at 3pm lol.  

So flash forward we are sitting in the pub, we order drinks and I lean over with a cute smile and say “so what happened last time?”.  THIS was his explanation. He had a last minute client show up and he couldn't leave.  Really???  At 3pm you knew that a last minute client would show up at 9pm?  I called him out on his bullshit.  He then got real angry at me for accusing him of lying .  Funny how a liar gets so angry when they get called out 🤣

He was raising his voice to the point where the other patrons in the bar were staring as I sat there and smiled.  “You agreed to a date just so you can shame me?”  YUP!!

He grabbed his jacket from the back of the seat and flung it causing the chair to topple over.  “Go sweetheart, we are done here, I’ll take care of the drinks”. I winked at him and he literally ran out the door. GROWN ass man ran out the door!