Beware, They Are Closer Than You Think

I live in “Italy” and took a day trip to go to “Austria” and “Germany”

 #it is literally impossible to leave texas #you will be in texas #FOREVER

If you drive for 45 minutes in Australia you aren’t a city over, you’re just 45 minutes away from the city.

If you drive for 45 minutes in Australia you may not even leave the cattle station.

If I drive 45 minutes in the us I’m just at another mcdonalds

If I drive for 45 minutes in Northern Ireland I’m 10 minutes into the sea.

I can’t drive. 

you ever open a message and think ‘what the fuck am I supposed to say to this’

This is the highest quality video I have ever seen in my life.

do you think nut companies whose nuts are given out on planes are highly respected in the nut community or are they like the losers

feel like inventing some guys

guy who puts his head underneath the sneeze guard at the buffet

guy who tips the bus driver a 20$

guy who can swim in the deep end of the pool but pretends they can’t

guy who can’t remember their password and forgot their glasses so they ask you to read it off the sticky note they wrote it down on

guy whose kinda sexy from every angle except for one

can i make a guy too

yeah feel free, this is an open source guy post

guy that asks permission to make guys

Hey you guys want to see an actively hilarious bonsai tree?

This is me all day everyday

this post almost moved me to tears

Note: this is not ferret abuse, they really do enjoy being carried like sacks of potatos.

As a ferret owner I can confirm that my three ferrets do not give a single fuck about being held like that. A ferret WILL let you know if it doesn’t like how you’re holding it. But they like being turned into potato sacks for some reason.

Yeah ferrets get super limp sometimes when you hold them, plus they have a flexible spine and ribs, it doesn’t bother them a bit. They are just loose sacks of meat and kleptomania. 

#aparrently a forensics lab disposed a bag of hands improperly which like. how. how do you do that

don’t worry about it

Flirt with Martha аnd gеt Lаid T0night! Frее rеgistrаti0n! 0nlу t0dау! Cliск 0n tехt!

martha you will not have my hands