and don't call me Shirley

My dear friend Johnathan Harker has begun his lovely food blog as he travels through the countryside of Transylvania. Hope his journey is smooth and his business concludes swiftly!

Aw, what a good girl. That’s right, kitten. You’re going to come back to my house and. Wgat was that.

I’ve had tumblr for 4 years but some of you bitches have had it for a decade. It’s time to seek penance

wait I’m curious now . Reblog this with how long u’ve been on tumblr for. Dating back to ur oldest blog ever !!!

[trying to flirt with ms frizzle] hey val. can i call you val? i've always liked how most of the working professionals you know appear to be homosexuals. how about you take a chance on me, and we can make some mistakes and messes at my place? [sniles] [she turns me down with a pun] [i walk dejected out into the parking lot] [The Bus runs me over]

trying to undress ms frizzle but when you pull off her dress there's a second, "lingerie-patterned" dress underneath

It was very professional of them to let me know they had escaped. I respect that.

maybe put yourself in the microwave?? are you fucking stupid? you have the mentality of a 9 years old and so everyone reblogging this shit. how can you ppl find this funny...wtf

the ants won't fuck you bro

theres a trump supporter in my media arts major and sometimes my professor will ask him something simple like "whats the difference between ethics and the law" and he'll (i kid you not) say shit like "uhhh its like. honestly i thought that was like the same thing" and then my professor will give the rest of the class a mischievous knowing look

Julius Ceasar has been dead for 2064 slutty, slutty years

Julius Caesar has been dead for 2065 slutty, slutty years

Julius Caesar has been dead for 2066 slutty, slutty years

Julius Caesar has been dead for 2067 slutty, slutty years

Julius Caesar has been dead for 2068 slutty, slutty years

Julius Caesar has been dead for 2069 (nice) slutty, slutty years