The mean little NDN you were warned about

jonah magnus? jonah magnus tiny manlet of an asshole? absolute rat and bastard? disgusting hobbit sized eye fetishist motherfucker. voyeuristic dastardly clown motherfucker i take one look at him and i just know, i just Know hes always damp, like you go to shake his hand and it. is. moist. disrespectful body stealing tax evading rich boy stoner mooching off his sugar daddys money acting like he made it in the world all by himself hes the equivalent of a white boy getting into harvard bc his daddy payed the school to get him in. absolute fiend. i hate him so much i bet he has impeccable taste in cologne and smells magical and that just makes me want to punch him more. dont look at me dont walk by me you idiot bimbo i will launch myself right at your throat i want to feel your pulse whither under my hands as i throttle you i wanna wipe your self assured bastard smile off your face with my boot, we dont even know what hes supposed to look like but somehow everyone decided to make him look hot as hell - i would say he is hell himself and im sure he fancies himself hell incarnate but i cannot i Cannot give him that form of satisfaction hes not even that outstanding at anything hes just like ‘oh let me go find someone whos already marked so i have to make the least effort possible’ like at least commit to this whole ordeal and do some damn work, have you ever done a days work you useless self entitled rat moustache wearing ass? sexist crusty pus leaking eyehole. why the frick frack snick snack did we decide to make him hot and sexy what was the point like for what yall did this. for what. to make me suffer? to make me question my moral standards? do you think i Want to be attracted to a murderous smug asshole bastard who thinks down on people who struggle to make ends meet? hes the type of rich nose picking brat that thinks homelessness is a choice and i am so enraged its like kill on sight bc i am not gonna do Anything else with him, ever. i think for one second about how smug and disgusting he is and i am filled with such rage i actively feel my blood pressure rising my heart rate went above 200 exactly twice in my life - when i was having a life threatening seizure, and right now as i am typing this post someone call me a damn ambulance, and a separate one for jonah macfucking magnus because hes gonna need it when i remove his spleen with my bare hands he was just like oh i know what i fun past time is; giving innocent people irreversible trauma and acting like it was all their fault and theit choices and their doing i am so inexplicably angry my teeth are slowly cracking thats how hard im grinding my teeth right now there is no enamel left on them  i hate this bastard man and everything he stands for and the fact that he has a grrat sense of style makes it even worse dont tou ch m e

I FOUND IT

@dobadoorknob i found the post you were probably looking for in text form! I knew I'd reblogged it so I wanted to find it after you tagged the audio version with what you tagged!

jonah magnus? jonah magnus tiny manlet of an asshole? absolute rat and bastard? disgusting hobbit sized eye fetishist motherfucker. voyeuristic dastardly clown motherfucker i take one look at him and i just know, i just Know hes always damp, like you go to shake his hand and it. is. moist. disrespectful body stealing tax evading rich boy stoner mooching off his sugar daddys money acting like he made it in the world all by himself hes the equivalent of a white boy getting into harvard bc his daddy payed the school to get him in. absolute fiend. i hate him so much i bet he has impeccable taste in cologne and smells magical and that just makes me want to punch him more. dont look at me dont walk by me you idiot bimbo i will launch myself right at your throat i want to feel your pulse whither under my hands as i throttle you i wanna wipe your self assured bastard smile off your face with my boot, we dont even know what hes supposed to look like but somehow everyone decided to make him look hot as hell - i would say he is hell himself and im sure he fancies himself hell incarnate but i cannot i Cannot give him that form of satisfaction hes not even that outstanding at anything hes just like ‘oh let me go find someone whos already marked so i have to make the least effort possible’ like at least commit to this whole ordeal and do some damn work, have you ever done a days work you useless self entitled rat moustache wearing ass? sexist crusty pus leaking eyehole. why the frick frack snick snack did we decide to make him hot and sexy what was the point like for what yall did this. for what. to make me suffer? to make me question my moral standards? do you think i Want to be attracted to a murderous smug asshole bastard who thinks down on people who struggle to make ends meet? hes the type of rich nose picking brat that thinks homelessness is a choice and i am so enraged its like kill on sight bc i am not gonna do Anything else with him, ever. i think for one second about how smug and disgusting he is and i am filled with such rage i actively feel my blood pressure rising my heart rate went above 200 exactly twice in my life - when i was having a life threatening seizure, and right now as i am typing this post someone call me a damn ambulance, and a separate one for jonah macfucking magnus because hes gonna need it when i remove his spleen with my bare hands he was just like oh i know what i fun past time is; giving innocent people irreversible trauma and acting like it was all their fault and theit choices and their doing i am so inexplicably angry my teeth are slowly cracking thats how hard im grinding my teeth right now there is no enamel left on them  i hate this bastard man and everything he stands for and the fact that he has a grrat sense of style makes it even worse dont tou ch m e

I FOUND IT

none of you will ever understand the visceral rage i hold for the slump of a man and his shitty haunted house goosebumps books none of you will EVER comprehend the pure utter contempt i hold i wish i could call him so many slurs im going to fucking invent one for the shitwad of a man that stands before me i already hated elias i despised the homophobe gay bitch but now you think to yourself wow they must love elias now no no no die faster i hate elias even more with the burning rage that consumed me for leitner killing him was MY right it was MY burning desire to see to fruition and that shithead STOLE it from me his STUPID OLD HANDS i hate it i hate him and i hate leitner hes so stupid fucking god damn hubris having shithead hiding in a fucking tunnel for twenty years pasty idiot you cant say people who live in their mothers base are invalid if you dont hate leitner he hid in gertrudes basements for twenty years and she barely knew i fucking hate him so much how often did he leave the tunnels did he just shit on the floor like a fucking rat did he leave only to shit in some random store bathroom like a sloth leaving the tree every few weeks is he blacklisted at starbucks for not buying anything before he shits NONE of you know the betrayal inflicted on me the WHOLE CHAT NEW ALL OF YOU BASTARDS KNEW what i was gonna walk into you all KNEW and you LET IT HAPPEN WHERE WAS MY TRIGGER WARNING YOU LET ME INTO THAT I WAS LED LIKE CALF TO SLAUGHTER FOR THE VIEWS got so mad i fucking gave up trying to type it had to move to CALL and you all had the audacity to sit there and laugh at me i was faced with the devil and you all looked at him dragging me into hell and LAUGHED none of you respect me i am the lowly clown dragging my sorry ass out of the clown car honking all the way and i am the clown weeping comically as my makeup runs down my polka-dotted outfit onto my massive squeaky shoes the lowly fire that burns withen me is fueled by my rage for jurgein book whore leitner the cold cannot seep into my bones when i am toasted by the thought of him bleeding to death after being fucking brutalized idiot so confused about why people hate him for his fucked up book collection IDIOT IDIOT put your fucking NAME on ALL of them WHY would they not fucking blame you when youre attached to EVERY FUCKING MURDER BOOK THEYVE EVER SEEN the only reprieve i get is i no longer have to hope hes dead because he IS making brutal pipe murder my fucking RINGTONE you were all so adamant i would forgive you for lying about the finale to my poor face when i saw what happens and unfortunately you were right my eyes are open my skin is clear the sky is sunny and the world has united as one to sing a song of peace and fortune as the body of jurgein leitner decays on the archive floor gonna pull a heist of the ages on the institute not for the secret tapes or the fucked up artifacts but for the soul purpose of kicking leitners corpse before they clean it out if i cant kill him the least i can do is make sure is ghost is writhing in pain as it descends to hell only reason im glad tma doesnt have visuals is the fact that looking at him would make me bald 

jonathan sims stress-bakes so the s1 archives crew are INUNDATED by cakes and biscuits at all times. he makes milk bread once and tim eats 12 and then vanishes for a week. my other headcanon is that timothy stoker is incredibly lactose-intolerant.

u think jon reads aita reddit posts when he feels a little peckish

No Jonathan Sims is the writer, you're thinking of Jonathan Sims's monster, Jonathan Sims

EDIT 2: The “Formerly @TheRustyQuill” is now gone from her Bio as well, what is going on.

Tbh honestly tbh my ideal for TMA TWO! is not a prequel or a sequel but instead all of the canon events but from the perspective of a different department in the institute that actually have normal fucking jobs. They only interact with the main characters in the cafeteria or by pulling the short straw on who has to go get an expense report signed.

{ID - lisa simpson staring down at the table, looking generally harrowed. END ID}

[I.D: The original The Magnus Archives logo with the text changed to read “Here we fucking go again.” End I.D]