Side blog For Reblogs

So his name is Bexon Cavaldier, he grew up in an extra evil tribe of warriors that served the already evil army of The Empire (Humans) waging a 100+ year long war against the Elven people. He was a high ranking military official and the favorite of 8 children, until he wasn’t. From a very young age, he spent much of his training to eventually be in the army.

Bexon grew up majorly sheltered in this environment, and knew nothing outside the military, in terms of what people actually thought about the war, how socialization and relationships normally work, etc. He had major blind faith in everything he was told about why the army had to commit war crimes, as well as the idea that everywhere else outside of his tribe and the military had the exact same experiences he did. To the point where he genuinely didn’t know that your parents are supposed to love you and whatever.

When his dad ended up finding out that he was gay at the age of 20, he violently hate crimed Bexon and another guy. His parents never spoke to him after that except for necessary military business (he wasn’t demoted bc they didn’t want anyone else to question what had happened and tarnish the family name). Less than 2 years later, Bexon runs away after an incident where he suddenly decided to try and save two elven children from a house (that he set on fire…). He gets them out, they also save his life somehow, but then a fellow soldier kills the kids anyways. Things finally click and he realizes every single part of the war is bad and even if you try to do good in it, it’s not possible.

Bexon is now in hiding, since there’s a chance is family is hunting him down to kill him for deserting. He basically lives as a hermit, often surviving on his own in the woods. He changes his hair and wears bulky clothes to cover up all his military tattoos. After 2 years, the war finally ends, and after 5 more years is the start of the campaign!!

Bexon has had 1-2 occasions where he’s tried sleeping with a man, but mostly hated it bc he was just so ashamed and scared. He tried once with a woman which was also awful bc he is very repulsed by the idea of being with a woman at all (partially due to misogyny). But eventually he decides to try again, and quickly gets hit on by this elf twink at a tavern, who also immediately clocks Bexon as very submissive (military instinct lol), and he ends up bottoming (also kinky sex and with an elf) for the first time. This absolutely blows his minds, the way this guy is so loud and upfront about his sexuality, and he hadn’t even considered that it was possible for a huge guy like him to bottom.

But this is a one night stand and Bexon especially never wants to see this guy again now that they know he’s gay. But being in a good mood for once, Bexon decides to help out as a bodyguard to help some people travel between cities. Unfortunately, the twink, aka Obediah, cleric of Dionysus, had already agreed to help these people as well. The two of them are forced back together along with a bitchy 19 year old wizard and a paladin farm girl who believes in always helping people and doing good (all these guys are also awesome I’m just trying to condense everything 😣). Bexon and Obediah “pretend they don’t know each other” but it’s super obvious and they are still occasionally fucking when they get the chance. Their initial “friends” with benefits is very toxic as they’re both desperately afraid of relationships for different reasons. Bexon is also just a major asshole a lot of the time because he’s very new to interacting with other people and is terrified of everyone.

It takes Bexon and Obi 2-3 years of desperate yearning, fighting, being on and off intimately, and unhealthy sex from terrible communication (and Bexon’s inexperience) for them to actually get together after the wizard finally yells at them to actually talk bc they’ve been being so annoying about this.

There’s a bajillion million more things I could tell you, but I’ll give you that and if you actually are curious about any aspects I’d be overjoyed to tell you more!! Sorry if this is way more than you expected, I don’t know how to be brief with him lol.

grace was not particularly dark skinned to begin with, and then spent years in a coma with literally no sunlight. he is downright vampiric by the time that he wakes up, and upon seeing his white ass skin, assumes that he is in his own words, a Caucasian male.

unfortunately for him, this fits in really well with his theme of lack of identity and lack of connection. i think for most Black people it would be extremely hard to forget that we’re Black regardless of how light or dark our skin tone is. but throughout the book, even when Grace is thinking about his old, slowly resurfacing memories, he never thinks about family, he never thinks about friends. except for his students and Project Hail Mary, he is completely unmoored.

i’ve seen a few different headcanons for why this might be: he was an only child whose single parent died young, he was cut off by his parents for some reason or another, he just isn’t ever triggered to remember. but no matter the reason, grace is disconnected from crucial aspects of himself. i think that by making him Black, and his Blackness something he can’t remember, it add an extra heartbreaking layer to his characterization. Blackness is such a communal experience, and when it’s not, it leaves behind an ache. growing up Black in White Suburbia i know well both the experience of clinging to one’s own in a hostile world AND the hurt that comes with being severed from one’s community. grace loses so much of himself with the amnesia, unable to recall who he is at the deepest of levels, and i think if he could remember to grieve it, it would devastate him.

i do think he would remember eventually, either when his hair starts growing out (because in the book Armando shaves him iirc), or when he can finally catch a glimpse of his reflection clearly, or when he has a memory of someone in his family. my personal belief is he has a memory beamed directly into his brain of asking “Mama, am I white?” and his poor, long-suffering mom saying, “Now who the hell told you that?”