going to the forest to kick my own ass and collect rocks

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

also I don't think parents "these days" are uniquely terrible, I just think neglect is showing up in new ways as technology progresses. today's ipad kid would've been wandering around in a ditch alone all day and night before. parents not wanting to have to deal with children is not a new phenomenon.

snakes really make you appreciate how gross mammals really are. squamates are very dry and clean

a bird is a kind of reptile that has learned to be yucky.

How do you go through all the effort of setting up a sous vide to do this????

never tell me that magic isnt real ever again when this is clear evidence of a person transmogrifing Meat into Wood

i can transmogrify meat into wood by lookin at pictures of titties if ya get what im sayin

hey, we all love tiddies here but this person has perpetrated a crime against nature and we need you stay focused

people saying "write what you want to see in the world!" and that's always a good sentiment but this post isn't really about "oh no there's no content for my ship", more the feeling of "i looked up something that i thought was so obvious that surely plenty of more seasoned ao3 perverts would have thought of it already, but apparently i'm the weird one"

the best way i can think to describe the experience of reading moby dick is you’re in line at the dmv and this guy behind you very loudly says “well who HASN’T had a gay experience” and then proceeds to tell you every detail about his life in between anecdotes about how great sperm is and how ropes work and sometimes he’ll say the most poetic shit you’ve ever heard in your life and them jump RIGHT back into explaining how a whale is a fish because 1) it swims in water and you’re still only like halfway through the dmv line