shrubs

I hate it when I have a problem and the answer really *is* "fix your sleep schedule, do some exercise, leave the house, and drink water" like fuck offffff I don't wanna

leave the house for the first time in three days against my own desires and feel like both the soaking wet cat covered in flea medication and the owner struggling in the tub with it

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

"subtext" and "buttsex" being anagrams of each other is an example of order and harmony in the universe

i think the angriest ive ever made someone on reddit was when they used an emoji while arguing and i said "What is this tiny yellow picture"

my evil yuri. my evil yuri that fucking sucks

is that song actually character-coded or is your brain a character-shaped hammer looking for lyrics to nail down somewhere

kitten i'll be honest daddy isn't sure he's cut out for full time employment

i respect ppl who think frodo & sam were sucking & fucking constantly when the narrator wasn't looking. but personally i think the furthest they went was an awkward attempt at mutual handjobs one night in mordor which started as sam trying to do something anything that'd make frodo feel good & frodo insisted on doing it for sam too & sam closed his eyes & tried to imagine it was rosie cotton while frodo tried to remember the shire or focus on the texture of sam's rough hand or the unyielding heat in his own grip or think about anything other than the great burning wheel & neither of them succeeded. & frodo never got fully hard & eventually pushed sam's hand away but kept going & sam felt like he had failed & part of him wanted to push frodo's hand away too but instead he came harder than he had ever in his life & they never talked about it again

Stardew valley is problematic because it forces you to have an outside cat in a threatened woodland environment