Baby Cak3z

what? at 15 your mother does not hit you so hard that fractured your arm just because you did not want to wear a veil in the church

What? You didn’t spend a week in juvi because your mother chased you out of the house with a wooden board raised above her head then locked you out, and as you were walking the half mile to the nearest neighbor’s house barefoot and without a jacket in Kansas during January she called the cops on you to say you were running away?

what? you didn’t get called stupid and lazy for not taking the washing upstairs despite not being asked?

what? you’re mom didn’t ask you for advice at 15 on how she could please your dad sexually to save their marriage that wasn’t even in trouble in the first place?

what? you didn’t have the doors to your bedroom and bathroom taken off their hinges?

What? Your mom didn’t search your backpack every morning before school to make sure you weren’t “"sneaking”“ any extra books to read in class?

What? You mom didn’t ground you from friends and electronics all summer and treat you like a criminal just because you walked to the nearby convenience store with some friends after school?

what? you didn’t get hit when you were 7 with a broom for not wanting to wake up despite it being the first time you were hesitant to leave your bed? your bag weren’t searched and your mom didn’t get mad at you when she saw you brought a sketch book to school? you didn’t get locked in the bathroom? you didn’t get whipped for saying no to your grandma insistently when she’s been asking that same question for hours? you weren’t forced to babysit your siblings starting when you were 10?

What? You didn’t have to worry about waking up in the morning wondering if there would be a roof over your head because your mother or father moved you to the backyard in the middle of the night with no blankets?

What you didn’t try to reach out to people at school because of bad mental health and got treated like you were misbehaving?

What? You could say no to your mum when asked to do even more chores than you already did WITHOUT getting hit, slapped or shoved and then locked in your room for a day with no food or bathroom? What do you mean you weren’t woken up in the middle of the night to find your mum in the room leaving a letter that would say how disappointed she was in you, how she didn’t raised you like that? Etc. What do you mean you weren’t forced to watch your little sister getting whipped with a wooden decorative stick because she refused to do the dishes and wanted to go to bed at 11 pm when she was five? What do you mean you weren’t forced to eat rotten food because you and your sister forgot to put it out of its pot into a plastic container the previous day while your parents ate takeout in front of you? What do you mean your parents were supporting you as a kid when you were struggling to learn the 7th time table and they didn’t throw your notebook out of the window barely missing you or bruised your face from slapping you whenever you got the wrong answer? What do you mean your weren’t knocked unconscious because mum threw you with so much force on your bed that your head smashed to the wall? What do you mean that your own mother didn’t say that you deserved what you went through and will go through in the future because you were a cold emotionless bitch ten minutes before new years when you refused to join the rest of the family because you were feeling very depressed? I don’t know how you grew up without having to learn to walk on eggshells all the time and lying so well that you sometimes scare yourself?

im fucking disgusted…. all of your parents deserve to dance in hot iron shoes and be stoned to death. ive emotionally adopted all of you. i dont care how old you are. youre my children now. were having what ever you want for dinner. let me hug you all… im so sorry…

What? Your mom didn’t make a snide remark the moment you laid eyes on each other about your physical appearance and then try to gaslight you about it by laughing and smiling as if it were a compliment, every single time you visited?

What? You dad didn’t lock you out of the house for no reason, save that he wanted you to “be a kid” when it was 80 degrees Fahrenheit, knowing full well that you have suffered from anhidrosis (the inability to sweat) for a large portion of your life, causing you to nearly pass out from heat exhaustion, only letting you in because your screaming and clawing at the door was alarming the neighbors?

What? You never locked yourself in the bathroom, crying and screaming, your face covered in blood while your dad kicked the door in because you couldn’t ride a bike after 10 minutes of him shouting “just ride the fucking bike it’s easy”??

What ? Your dad never raped you?

What? Your mom never screamed and threw a cup of pee on you when four year old you asked if you could use the bathroom?

What? Your mom never told you to go kill yourself because you’re a dumbass?

What? Your family never joked about eating your pets or laughed when you explained how one of them died? Then decades later tell people they were sad with you when it happened?

I can relate but I don’t want to put my what? On here cause I don’t want to think about it

Fuck… I hate that I can relate to these :/

What? Your father never stood by and watched while your mother beat you? Your mother never called you a fat useless burden on the household? Your parents didn’t gaslight you into believing you’re crazy?

What? Your mother didn’t gaslight you into not leaving the house for months on end so that she wouldn’t have to go through her hour long OCD routine that involved having me strip and shower for over an hour while she went through whatever I took out of the house and wanted in the house?

what? your mother never told you “you don’t deserve any presents for your birthday because you didn’t have a very good year” less than a month after you got out of the hospital for a depressive collapse?

What? Your mom didnt stand by while your dad beat you screamed in your face and slapped you across your face and only told him to stop after you and your siblings were heaving crying and begging him to stop while you were only in elementary and were being blamed for your older sister sneaking out even though you were 8 and she was 14 and you had no idea what was going on? What? You didnt get hit for feeling any kind of emotion and showing any emotion even though you were only a child who doesnt have the ability to understand not laughing or smiling or being sad when the situation warrants it? What? You didnt have to sit on the floor anywhere in the house bc you werent allowed on any furniture bc you were a “lazy piece of shit” so now when you go to anyones house you cant help but sit on the floor bc all those feelings come rushing back? What? You didnt have to take care of your siblings, make whole dinners, do every single imaginable chore, do yard work, build fences and decks, and walk everywhere bc you were “old enough to walk” even though you were 8-10? What? Your mom didnt take your whole paychecks when you started working bc you “live under her roof and have to help her out” or you’re a selfish bitch? I have so many more you dont even know.

What? Your mom didn’t refuse to provide for you basic necessities the minute you were old enough to work? Your mom didn’t deny you food, feminine products, a roof over your head? Your mom didn’t force you to live out the piece of shit car you had to buy yourself because after a certain age you were no longer welcome in her home, and you needed something, anything to put a roof over your head?Your mom didn’t blame you for cutting her off due to her actions? You aren’t the reason for constant suicide threats?

What your father didn’t share your sexual trauma from neighbors, friends to strangers at the grocery store. “Don’t mind her. She has attitude problems cause she was raped.”

What? Your mom didn’t pin you down on all fours while digging her finger nails in your skin, smiling evil-y while your dad tried to get her off of you?

What? You’re father never insisted it was rediculous and childish to mourn the suicide of your mother? Your father never decides that you, at 16 were too fat despite being average weight for your height and build and proceeded to micromanage your food intake to a glass of water, an apple, and a small sandwhich a day if he was feeling generous? He never had you go for days without food and forced you to throw up and beat you if he found out you had eaten while outside or the house?

What the fuck? I’m giving all of you internet hugs right now. You need them.

What? Your dad and stepmom never locked all the food except the ends of a loaf of bread in a padlocked cabinet you weren’t allowed to access and stored everything perishable in the fridge in the basement, the door to which was also padlocked because you’ve been type 1 diabetic since birth and they claimed you weren’t “watching it well enough?” And when they caught you sneaking food during an insulin reaction when they left the door to the cabinet open, you didn’t get grounded to the 20 foot backyard surrounded by a black chain link fence for a year? (This was the standard punishment, by the way…any time I did something “wrong” I would be grounded for a year to that area, allowed to leave with barely enough time to walk to school and if I wasn’t home daily at 3:30? My dad got his belt).

What? You never got chased across your house, grabbed by your hair, body slammed to the ground and pummeled in the face repeatedly because you brought home a report card that had all A’s but one A-?

What? You never got yelled at over miniscule things your mother deemed important? You never got slapped or punched by your mother for just trying to walk by her while she was lecturing you for being “too emotional”? You were never grabbed by the neck and knocked onto your back on the staircase so hard by your father that you couldn’t catch your breath for a solid minute? All while he and your mother are yelling at the top of their lungs that YOU need to calm down? Huh, what I would give to know how that feels…

What? Your dad didn’t make you late to school everyday and then scream at you the entire time about how it was your fault that you are late to school and tell you that you’re a shitty human being? Your dad didn’t walk in on you while you were changing on purpose? Your dad didn’t insist on doing the laundry so he could smell your dirty underwear? Your dad didn’t intentionally only apply to jobs where he would be around children despite the low pay and his being over qualified?(school bus driver, tutor, etc)

What? Your mom has never try to guilt trip you when you’re depressed? What? You were never manipulated by your own grandfather? What????

what? your mom never blamed things for your depression? your mom hasn’t yelled at you to the point where your response is to immediately cry as soon as a voice is raised at you? your mom hasn’t demanded for your phone, the password to it, and gone through it and told you you had an addiction to the internet? your mom has never made you so terrified of her and if she could hurt you physically again?

What? Your stepdad never slammed your head against the table just because you were about to win a board game? Your stepdad never intentionally walks in on you changing and then screams at you for 45 minutes about how it’s your fault that he came in when he knows that you were changing? You’ve never had to hide in your wardrobe because he started yelling and throwing things because he dropped a fork? Your stepdad never stayed outside your bedroom door all day and night to make sure you can’t leave and then when you open said door slightly because you didn’t know he was there you didn’t get called a disgrace and that “you’re lucky he’s even still in this house because he’s the best damn thing that happened to you”? what??

What? Your mom never slammed your head on the floor and kept hitting you for 20 minutes out on the front porch in front of your cousin after you missed the bus? While her mom was threatening to call the police? Your mom never told to to stop being depressed? And she never yelled at you for self harming and called you an attention whore?