im so jealous of my friend. theyre 3 months clean. im a week and i feel like im gonna tip over the edge. i just want to kill myself.

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@temper--tantrum
im so jealous of my friend. theyre 3 months clean. im a week and i feel like im gonna tip over the edge. i just want to kill myself.

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i tried to commit yesterday i dont know if im happy or not that i didnt
why am i catching feelings left and right none of them would ever date me- theres a 4 year age difference im a fucking lovestruck idiot
Lets play godÂ
im fine
its actually not fine but pretending is nice

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so much fun amirite my thighs are redder than my eyes
What? You didnâtâŚ
Imagine youâre talking to someone who did not have abusive parents and finish the sentence with an abusive thing that happened to you.
When my mom needed something done around the house, she would just trump up a charge and ground me and doing whatever she needed was my punishment. So my sentence is:
What? You didnât have to spend a week digging a 3-foot deep trench for a new pipeline when you were 13 because your mom didnât want to pay a professional to do it?
what? at 15 your mother does not hit you so hard that fractured your arm just because you did not want to wear a veil in the church
What? You didnât spend a week in juvi because your mother chased you out of the house with a wooden board raised above her head then locked you out, and as you were walking the half mile to the nearest neighborâs house barefoot and without a jacket in Kansas during January she called the cops on you to say you were running away?
what? you didnât get called stupid and lazy for not taking the washing upstairs despite not being asked?
what? youâre mom didnât ask you for advice at 15 on how she could please your dad sexually to save their marriage that wasnât even in trouble in the first place?
what? you didnât have the doors to your bedroom and bathroom taken off their hinges?
What? Your mom didnât search your backpack every morning before school to make sure you werenât â"sneakingââ any extra books to read in class?
What? You mom didnât ground you from friends and electronics all summer and treat you like a criminal just because you walked to the nearby convenience store with some friends after school?
what? you didnât get hit when you were 7 with a broom for not wanting to wake up despite it being the first time you were hesitant to leave your bed? your bag werenât searched and your mom didnât get mad at you when she saw you brought a sketch book to school? you didnât get locked in the bathroom? you didnât get whipped for saying no to your grandma insistently when sheâs been asking that same question for hours? you werenât forced to babysit your siblings starting when you were 10?
What? You didnât have to worry about waking up in the morning wondering if there would be a roof over your head because your mother or father moved you to the backyard in the middle of the night with no blankets?
What you didnât try to reach out to people at school because of bad mental health and got treated like you were misbehaving?
What? You actually open up to your parents, because they didnât go through your shit for little to no reason at all? Damn, if only thatâd been me.
Wait, what do you mean you donât distance yourself from your parents because of the shit they put you through? What do you mean they donât constantly lament over how they âdonât know youâ?
Are you seriously telling me your parents werenât pieces of shit and you can actually confide in them without feeling as if The Worldâs problems are all your fault, despite that being incredibly untrue?
You mean to tell me your parents respected your privacy, didnât blame everything on you, and didnât ostracize and villainize you for daring to defend yourself? DamnâŚ.wanna swap?
What? You could say no to your mum when asked to do even more chores than you already did WITHOUT getting hit, slapped or shoved and then locked in your room for a day with no food or bathroom? What do you mean you werenât woken up in the middle of the night to find your mum in the room leaving a letter that would say how disappointed she was in you, how she didnât raised you like that? Etc. What do you mean you werenât forced to watch your little sister getting whipped with a wooden decorative stick because she refused to do the dishes and wanted to go to bed at 11 pm when she was five? What do you mean you werenât forced to eat rotten food because you and your sister forgot to put it out of its pot into a plastic container the previous day while your parents ate takeout in front of you? What do you mean your parents were supporting you as a kid when you were struggling to learn the 7th time table and they didnât throw your notebook out of the window barely missing you or bruised your face from slapping you whenever you got the wrong answer? What do you mean your werenât knocked unconscious because mum threw you with so much force on your bed that your head smashed to the wall? What do you mean that your own mother didnât say that you deserved what you went through and will go through in the future because you were a cold emotionless bitch ten minutes before new years when you refused to join the rest of the family because you were feeling very depressed? I donât know how you grew up without having to learn to walk on eggshells all the time and lying so well that you sometimes scare yourself?
im fucking disgustedâŚ. all of your parents deserve to dance in hot iron shoes and be stoned to death. ive emotionally adopted all of you. i dont care how old you are. youre my children now. were having what ever you want for dinner. let me hug you all⌠im so sorryâŚ
Mine would be
What? Your dad did chase you up the stairs, pull you off a bunkbed by your hair and go crazy and get in your face over accidentally spilling your drink
What? Your mom didnât make a snide remark the moment you laid eyes on each other about your physical appearance and then try to gaslight you about it by laughing and smiling as if it were a compliment, every single time you visited?
What? You dad didnât lock you out of the house for no reason, save that he wanted you to âbe a kidâ when it was 80 degrees Fahrenheit, knowing full well that you have suffered from anhidrosis (the inability to sweat) for a large portion of your life, causing you to nearly pass out from heat exhaustion, only letting you in because your screaming and clawing at the door was alarming the neighbors?
What? You never locked yourself in the bathroom, crying and screaming, your face covered in blood while your dad kicked the door in because you couldnât ride a bike after 10 minutes of him shouting âjust ride the fucking bike itâs easyâ??
What ? Your dad never raped you?
What? Your mom never screamed and threw a cup of pee on you when four year old you asked if you could use the bathroom?
What? You didnât cease to share your thoughts with your mother because everything you took happiness from would be criticised?
What? Your mother doesnât yell at you for not doing things only she thought needed to be done? The only exact way she imagined them to be done? She doesnât call you stupid for asking questions?
What? Your mom never told you to go kill yourself because youâre a dumbass?
What? Your family never joked about eating your pets or laughed when you explained how one of them died? Then decades later tell people they were sad with you when it happened?
I can relate but I donât want to put my what? On here cause I donât want to think about it
Fuck⌠I hate that I can relate to these :/
What? Your father never stood by and watched while your mother beat you? Your mother never called you a fat useless burden on the household? Your parents didnât gaslight you into believing youâre crazy?
What? Your mother didnât gaslight you into not leaving the house for months on end so that she wouldnât have to go through her hour long OCD routine that involved having me strip and shower for over an hour while she went through whatever I took out of the house and wanted in the house?
what? your mother never told you âyou donât deserve any presents for your birthday because you didnât have a very good yearâ less than a month after you got out of the hospital for a depressive collapse?
What? Your mom didnt stand by while your dad beat you screamed in your face and slapped you across your face and only told him to stop after you and your siblings were heaving crying and begging him to stop while you were only in elementary and were being blamed for your older sister sneaking out even though you were 8 and she was 14 and you had no idea what was going on? What? You didnt get hit for feeling any kind of emotion and showing any emotion even though you were only a child who doesnt have the ability to understand not laughing or smiling or being sad when the situation warrants it? What? You didnt have to sit on the floor anywhere in the house bc you werent allowed on any furniture bc you were a âlazy piece of shitâ so now when you go to anyones house you cant help but sit on the floor bc all those feelings come rushing back? What? You didnt have to take care of your siblings, make whole dinners, do every single imaginable chore, do yard work, build fences and decks, and walk everywhere bc you were âold enough to walkâ even though you were 8-10? What? Your mom didnt take your whole paychecks when you started working bc you âlive under her roof and have to help her outâ or youâre a selfish bitch? I have so many more you dont even know.
What? Your mom didnât refuse to provide for you basic necessities the minute you were old enough to work? Your mom didnât deny you food, feminine products, a roof over your head? Your mom didnât force you to live out the piece of shit car you had to buy yourself because after a certain age you were no longer welcome in her home, and you needed something, anything to put a roof over your head?Your mom didnât blame you for cutting her off due to her actions? You arenât the reason for constant suicide threats?
What your father didnât share your sexual trauma from neighbors, friends to strangers at the grocery store. âDonât mind her. She has attitude problems cause she was raped.â
What? Your mom didnât pin you down on all fours while digging her finger nails in your skin, smiling evil-y while your dad tried to get her off of you?
What? You were never backhanded so hard she cut you with her wedding ring?
What? Your mom never held you down and picked at your acne while you cried?
What? Your mom never threatened to harm your pets if you did not comply?
What? Youâre father never insisted it was rediculous and childish to mourn the suicide of your mother? Your father never decides that you, at 16 were too fat despite being average weight for your height and build and proceeded to micromanage your food intake to a glass of water, an apple, and a small sandwhich a day if he was feeling generous? He never had you go for days without food and forced you to throw up and beat you if he found out you had eaten while outside or the house?
What the fuck? Iâm giving all of you internet hugs right now. You need them.
What? Your dad and stepmom never locked all the food except the ends of a loaf of bread in a padlocked cabinet you werenât allowed to access and stored everything perishable in the fridge in the basement, the door to which was also padlocked because youâve been type 1 diabetic since birth and they claimed you werenât âwatching it well enough?â And when they caught you sneaking food during an insulin reaction when they left the door to the cabinet open, you didnât get grounded to the 20 foot backyard surrounded by a black chain link fence for a year? (This was the standard punishment, by the wayâŚany time I did something âwrongâ I would be grounded for a year to that area, allowed to leave with barely enough time to walk to school and if I wasnât home daily at 3:30? My dad got his belt).
what? your parents never lied about you to your friends, chasing them all away?
your parents never cut a handle into a two by four, so they could hit you with it because they hit you so hard that spoons and other items broke way too easily?
what? your parents never decided that you didnt need to go to the hospital after taking handfuls of pills, because you must have been doing it for attention, otherwise you wouldnât be asking to go to the hospital after hours passed and you havenât died but feel miserable, but you should have to suffer the consequences? you never had to call the paramedic from church and beg him to talk your parents into getting you medical help, or at least call 911?
what? youâve never hoarded non perishable food in your bedroom in various hiding spots because food was a privelage that you could lose by doing anything from missing a point on homework, to saying it wasnât fair that you had to sit in one place with a textbook and no food or drink from 8 am to 11pm or later?
youâve never had to take turns with your siblings to scream profanities or otherwise act out at your mother when she was raging to draw the fire away from eachother?
you were never called a whore for wearing a turtleneck and jeans?
your mom never barged into the bathroom while you were showering and dragged you out by your hair, still covered in soap because youâve used enough water in 5 minutes?
What? Your mother never told you sheâd kick you out if you didnât âchange that attitudeâ after you didnât tell her about an exam you had to take because you knew she would react exactly like that?
You never spent entire afternoons listening to her ranting about how awful the family is and how ungrateful you are instead of doing homework due the next day?
You never had to hear through your sister that your mom said you were insane or delusional and that you were never going to graduate from high school?
Your mom never told you that she would be better off without you, that you and your sister and your father are the worst mistakes sheâs ever made and that she should just have married her first boyfriend who now lives in Philadelphia and adopted Bosnian kids instead? You can hear the word Bosnia without feeling violently sick and a failure? What?
What? You never got chased across your house, grabbed by your hair, body slammed to the ground and pummeled in the face repeatedly because you brought home a report card that had all Aâs but one A-?
What? You never got yelled at over miniscule things your mother deemed important? You never got slapped or punched by your mother for just trying to walk by her while she was lecturing you for being âtoo emotionalâ? You were never grabbed by the neck and knocked onto your back on the staircase so hard by your father that you couldnât catch your breath for a solid minute? All while he and your mother are yelling at the top of their lungs that YOU need to calm down? Huh, what I would give to know how that feelsâŚ
What? Your dad didnât make you late to school everyday and then scream at you the entire time about how it was your fault that you are late to school and tell you that youâre a shitty human being? Your dad didnât walk in on you while you were changing on purpose? Your dad didnât insist on doing the laundry so he could smell your dirty underwear? Your dad didnât intentionally only apply to jobs where he would be around children despite the low pay and his being over qualified?(school bus driver, tutor, etc)
What? Your mom has never try to guilt trip you when youâre depressed? What? You were never manipulated by your own grandfather? What????
what? your mom never blamed things for your depression? your mom hasnât yelled at you to the point where your response is to immediately cry as soon as a voice is raised at you? your mom hasnât demanded for your phone, the password to it, and gone through it and told you you had an addiction to the internet? your mom has never made you so terrified of her and if she could hurt you physically again?
What? Your stepdad never slammed your head against the table just because you were about to win a board game? Your stepdad never intentionally walks in on you changing and then screams at you for 45 minutes about how itâs your fault that he came in when he knows that you were changing? Youâve never had to hide in your wardrobe because he started yelling and throwing things because he dropped a fork? Your stepdad never stayed outside your bedroom door all day and night to make sure you canât leave and then when you open said door slightly because you didnât know he was there you didnât get called a disgrace and that âyouâre lucky heâs even still in this house because heâs the best damn thing that happened to youâ? what??
What? Your mom never slammed your head on the floor and kept hitting you for 20 minutes out on the front porch in front of your cousin after you missed the bus? While her mom was threatening to call the police? Your mom never told to to stop being depressed? And she never yelled at you for self harming and called you an attention whore? Â
When I was little I wanted to be Italian REALLT badly bc I loved the movie cars and specifically had a crush on this fucking THING
Which doesnât speak English at all, all itâs line are in Italian and itâs name is GUIDO. And everyone knew I was obsessed with Italy in elementary school but they didnât know why bc I, even as a young autistic child, had the sense to know this was a rightfully so, highly mockable thing. So I would read about cars on IMDB and then one day someone posted a crackfic on the message boards there and it was about this guy getting drunk and beating his wife, and it snapped me out of my fugue long enough to realize how absurd wanting to be Italian was, but then it made me cry really hard and my parents were like âhey what the fuckâ and I didnât have the chutzpah to admit anything so I told them I saw a naked lady online and then they went into the computer and found all the weird south park midi songs I downloaded on lime wire and I thought they were literally going to kill me for about two weeks.

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When your small talk suddenly
turned into you crying about you being suicidal so that makes you feel selfish. :DDDDD
requested by thefloatingstone
I love it when
i finally stop cutting- but ohFUCK! i become real fucking sad and boohoo, i begin to hear the voice sayingÂ
âJust a little wont hurt.âÂ
so i pick up the box cutter and suddenly showers begin to sting like a motherfucker
requested by dumpsterâbabyy

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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