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Summary: trying to survive your last year of residency while your life outside the hospital slowly unravels is hard enough, but when Jack Abbot shows up, suddenly everything feels lighter
Paring: protective!attending!jack abbot / depressed!resident!reader. (jack is a big softy)
Characters: trinity santos, jack abbot, (and robby is you squint and tilt your head to the left)
Warnings: (NOT proofread!) angst, panic attacks, poverty, medical inaccuracies, patient death, power imbalance, đđ+ (đđđđ) đđŻđđ§đđŽđđĽ đđŚđŽđ!, hurt/comfort, implied suicidal thoughts, housing insecurity. (sorry if I missed any!)
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Jack Abbot has been your anchor since you first stepped foot into Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center as a terrified first year resident.
After you were assigned the night shift at PTMC (or the Pitt as everyone so lovingly called it) and met Dr. Abbot, something in you settled, life if something went wrong, he would always be there.
Three hours into your first shift, a four year old little girl came in by ambulance, barely breathing and swollen like a balloon.
The parents said she woke up in the middle of the night and got into her momâs trail mix in their kitchen. the parents had no idea and it turned out that the little girl was allergic to nuts.
Abbot let you take this one at first, thinking it would be an easy patient, give her a dose of Epinephrine and she will be on her way.
You thought it would be an easy case.
âPush Epiâ you said, your voice steadier than you felt.
Her oxygen levels didnât recover fast enough, her pulse weakened under your fingers, her body had already gone too long without what it needed.
You felt it slipping, you felt her slipping.
âStart compressions.â Abbot said quietly.
You didnât hesitate, pressing down, over and over, counting, begging and refusing to accept what was happening right in front of you.
You didnât stop when your eyes went blurry and your arms burned.
You didnât stop until Abbot put his hand on your shoulder and sighed before dropping his head defeatedly to his watch at uttering â01:35.â
You left before anyone could stop you, finding the first supply closet you could and navigating to the darkest corner before tucking your knees to your chest and letting out a few quiet sobs as you hid your face in your now tear stained light blue scrubs.
You began to wonder if you made the wrong career move, if maybe you wasted thousands of dollars on a profession you arenât even good at.
You didnât know how long you were in there for but you guessed no longer than five minutes when you heard the door open and noticed a shadow standing above you, you lifted your head to find Dr. Abbot staring back at you.
You expected him to have a look of pity behind his eyes but you didnât see that, you saw a faint look of understanding.
He sat down right next to you with his legs stretched out as he rubbed his face, looking exhausted.
There is a beat of silence before you hear him say âRichard Brighten,â you wiped your eyes and quirked your eyebrows in confusion. âThe first one I lost. He was eighteen years old, fresh out of high school, signed up for the military the first time he got the chance. He was shot in the chest on the field in Afghanistan.â
You both sat in silence after his confession.
âDo you remember the little girls name?â He asked as he looked at you.
Your eyes remained on the tile flooring in front of you as you sniffle, âCassie Everettâ
âDonât forget it. Remembering the first patient you lose makes you realize there is a limit to what we can do for the people we help.â Abbot looked away from you before sighing and getting up off the floor âwe win some and we lose some. But we are the only hope that these people have, just because you lost this one doesnât mean youâre going to lose them all. Youâre a good doctor, and I donât say that to every young doctor that shows up in this place.â With that he left.
You never forgot about that moment.
Not even now while in your fourth and final year of residency as a chief resident.
Abbot has been there for you for four years.
He is there to supervise, offer guidance, and provide advice whenever you needed it.
So much so that you could go to him for whatever you needed, at work and outside of work.
Your boyfriend broke up with you about three months ago managing to kick you out of your shared apartment and leaving you with a car that barely ran.
and Jack was the first to offer his guest room, which you politely declined seeing as Santos had already offered her couch until you figured everything out.
Which brings you to now, sitting in the break room scrolling apartment listings on Google until you want to gauge your eyes out with a scalpel.
âYou know my offer still stands about my guest bedroom.â
You almost jump out of your skin as you look above you to see Jack Abbot hovering over your shoulder to catch a peek of your phone screen.
âHoly shit Jack, you scare meâ You laugh and he makes a sound that almost sounds like a laugh, you can feel the vibration of it where he is pressed against you and a cold chill runs down your spine.
In no way was that and odd interaction for you two, but things have been happening to your body when he is around as of late and you donât know what to think of it.
âYou canât just sneak up on a woman with a hot cup of coffee in her hand. You might end up a burn victim.â
âYou didnât answer meâ He disregards your attempt to ignore his comment.
âThatâs because I already have, Santos offered me her couch and it will do just fine until I get back on my feetâ You sigh before taking the last sip of your coffee.
âYou shouldnât have to settle for a couch when I have a perfectly good, fully private bedroom that you could stay in as long as you likeâ He remarks, âit even has a queen size bedâ He adds with a smirk.
âYouâre too kind,â You stand, putting your phone back in your pocket as you hand your now empty coffee cup to Jack for him to wash âIâll think about it.â You say as you pat him on the back in passing.
âYou said that last timeâ he calls out, you giggle while exiting the break room.
âSo I hear someone is thinking of leaving me and my beautiful couch for a certain brooding attending.â Santos approaches you with a playful look plastered on her face.
âIâm not leaving you for Abbot and in the middle of charting can you go meddle somewhere else?â You smile.
âSheâs feisty today, I guess that must be why Abbot is so down bad for you. Santos looks at her nails as she barely muttered the last part, not quiet enough to go unnoticed by you though.
âWhat the hell are you talking about? Jack had absolutely no interest in me.â You laugh at Eve the possibility of someone like Jack finding you the least bit attractive.
âAre you insane, the man offered an entire room in his house for you to stay in indefinitely. Not to mention youâre the only one besides Dr. Robby that he will let call him Jack.â Santos looks at you like youâre crazy.
Your mind starts to wander to the idea that Jack could have feelings for you but it quickly shut down as reality sets in.
Itâs Jack fucking Abbot.
There is no way he would ever fall for a woman like you.
âNo. Not possible,â you disregard Santosâ points âwhy are you even here?â
âShift change. And suit yourself, but the sooner you realize you have feelings for him, the sooner we can all stop talking about the way he looks at you behind your back.â
âYouâre delusional, Iâll see you later on, Iâm heading to your place.â
âSounds good Mrs. oblivious.â She gives you a tight lined teasing smile before you stand to finally head to your temporary home after another exhausting shift.
You were tired, you were five minutes away from falling asleep while waiting for the elevator doors at Santos apartment to open.
All you wanted to do was fall over onto the couch and take a fat nap.
As you unlocked the door you heard rummaging from inside the apartment, you started to slightly panic.
You didnât think that santos had any company? Maybe a raccoon has gotten in somehow and was ransacking her apartment.
As you twisted the key you decided to grow a pair and brave the danger of what could be behind the door.
As you opened the door you were met with the a woman with dark hair going through what looked like a suitcase on the ground, as you zeroed in on the suitcase you were relieved to find out that it wasnât yours.
Which made this even more odd.
âHello?â You said precariously.
The woman sprung up, like you startled her.
âOh! You scared me,â she said with a laugh âum, hi?â
They stood and looked at each other for a few seconds.
âAre you supposed to be here?â You asked, trying not to sound rude.
âYes! Yes Iâm Trinitys motherâ she put her hand out.
âOh, itâs nice to finally meet you, Iâve heard so much about youâ a lie
You and her mother look at each other for a moment before your phone dings.
Message from: TrinđŤśđť
You excuse yourself for a moment before heading back into the hallway outside of the apartment before answering the call
âWhat the hell do you mean my mother is there?â Trinity sounds a little shaken.
âWell, I walked to the door and heard rustling and thought a raccoon had gotten in again or something, when I finally opened the door a woman was standing there and she told me she was your mom.â You shrug your shoulders as if Trinity can see you.
âOh my god, she wasnât supposed to visit until next month,â she huffs loudly before timidly saying your name âwould you mind maybe staying with Dr. Abbot while I sort all of this throughâ
Your mind races, you absolutely will not be asking Jack if you can stay with him, eventually though he asked, you donât like taking help from most people, especially when the help means sharing a space with your attending who you have starting feeling weird around for some reason.
You werenât mad at Trinity of course, she was letting you stay on her couch out of the kindness of her heart.
You were close to saving the amount of money you needed to get an apartment anyway, youâd just sleep in your car, or find a hotel near work.
You would figure this out.
Without the help of your attending.
âOf course, no problemâ you said warmly, making sure to keep your voice in a tone that wouldnât make Trinity feel even worse than she probably already did.
âThank you so much for understanding, youâre truly the best, Iâll see you at work tomorrow, bye!â With that she hung up the phone.
Looks like your car is the your home sweet home for tonight.
Two weeks later and Trinitys mother is still staying with her.
Apparently she had to visit earlier because she got kicked out of her apartment by her boyfriend.
Ironic that Trinity was stuck with one person with relationship problems only to end up replacing you with another.
You could tell Trinity was stressed by how she called you every night to ask how your stay at Jacks was going, (it wasnât going, because you werenât staying with him) only to end up ranting about how stressed her mom is making her.
You felt awful that Trinity couldnât have her space to herself.
You also felt awful that you had taken her space from her for two months before her mother showed up.
You just felt awful all around.
And you certainly didnât want to be a burden to anyone anymore.
Which is why you are still sleeping in your car, finding empty parking lots to stow away in at night so no one you know could see you pathetically sleeping in the only thing you solely own.
You really hated your ex right now.
Shows you not to fall for stupid hot guys you meet at bars who promise you everything and give you nothing in return.
You wished you could have someone here to hold you.
Someone here to tell you it is going to be okay.
Someone here to promise you things and actually follow through with them.
Your mind starts to wander to the other day at work when Jack put his hand on the small of your back and whispered âyouâre doing greatâ in your ear as you stitched up a guys busted up arm which he injured during a hiking accident.
It was strictly professional, but that didnât stop the pool of warmth from spreading right in between your legs.
Jack is starting to affect the way you live your life.
Youâre usually hyper independent, now you jump at the opportunity to work on a case with him in hopes he will praise your work.
Something is seriously wrong with you.
Now, here in the back seat of your car, sitting in the fetal position, at 2 AM, on the first day of your whole week off, you feel the loneliest youâve ever felt in your life.
You sit in silence as the tears stream down your face.
Your vision is blurry and you canât make out your phone screen as your dial the first number you see on your call log, Trinity is the last person you called and you really just need someone to talk to right now, without any feed back.
This thing you and Trinity have been doing lately is calling one another and ranting before hanging up.
When you rant, the other person doesnât respond and just lets you get it all out, simply listening and taking it in.
The call answers and you immediately sob out a string of words you arenât even thinking about.
âI feel like I am better off dead. Everything is bad. I am living off of barely nothing to eat because every paycheck I get is spent one keep my car running and paying my insurance and my phone bill. I wish I could just get myself out of this hole Iâve dug myself in. I am swimming in stress and depression and debt from my stupid choices I have made throughout my life. I never shouldâve moved out of my parentâs house, I never shouldâve gone to med school, why did I think I could pursue a career in something so impactful. Iâm not a good doctor, Iâll never be like Jack or Robby. I will be living paycheck to paycheck for the rest of my life, living off of ramen instant noodles and washing my clothes in the same suds and soak Iâve parked my car that Iâm living in and honestly even that sometimes too expensive for me becauseâ you take a moment to let out the sob you had been holding in since you started talking, or more so rambling. âI lied to you. Iâm not staying with Jack. Iâm living in my car, and kinda thinking about just ending it all right nowâ The last part you add in for dramatic effect, you arenât really going to end your life, but you really feel like youâre on the edge of a very steep cliff and one wrong move will be your breaking point.
You feel like you can barely breathe, thereâs an overwhelming amount of pressure in your chest.
You havenât had a panic attack since your first year of med school but you remember the feeling too well.
You sob out an uneven breath, you gasp on every inhale you take, you feel your throat closing up as you move your hands to your head in an attempt to self sooth.
You are going to die in the backseat of your beat up Honda civic, in the fetal position with your best friend on the phone probably worried to death.
âI think Iâm having a panic attackâ you manage to squeak out, youâre not sure what Trinity can do about it but she is usually good at calming you down.
The phone is pressed to your ear but you hear a car engine start on the other line.
âStay where you are, Iâm on my wayâ you hear a deep voice speak in a calming tone and you realize thatâs not Trinity you just ranted your whole existence to.
You remove the phone from your ear to look at the caller ID.
You just spilled all of your troubles to your fucking attending, which makes your chest feel even tighter, makes your breath feel even harder to keep up with, and it also makes you feel even more stupid than you already feel.
Of course you of all people would royally fuck up like this.
Not but five minutes later you hear your car door being thrown open, and two big arms cradling your shaking frame.
You release all of the panicked sobs you were holding in as you settle into his broad chest, the smell of his woodsy cologne acts as a reminder that you are here, and you are not dying.
âHey, hey,â Jack takes your face in his hands, your very wet face as he shushes you calmingly âlook at me, youâre safe, youâre with me.â You look at him and his eyes soften as his brows furrow, as if to see you like this physical pains him.
You hide your head to his chest as you continue to hyperventilate.
âBreath sweetheart, just breath, you can do itâ he reassures âtake two big breaths for meâ
Your breath is still shaky and uneven as you breathe in and out, in and out, you feel him breath with you, the puffs of his breath fan your forehead, making you sob harder because of course Jack would be able to calm you down from a panic attack with just his presence and a few calming words.
After a few minutes, your breath becomes calm again, you feel at peace, like Jack being here is the only thing tethering you to the earth.
You lift your head from his chest that is now just a tear stained shirt and he gives you the warmest smile youâve ever received in your life.
You almost feel undeserving for being the one who gets to be the reason for that smile.
You look at your rear view mirror, suddenly aware of what you must look like.
Your hair is a mess, your eyes red and puffy, snot running down your nose in the most unattractive way possible.
You look like you worst day times a million.
âOh god,â your voice comes out scratchy as you say in disgust and reach for your car napkins behind the passenger seat in the pocket âI look awful!â
Jack laughs in a way that makes in seem preposterous that you would think that about yourself.
âYou could never.â He states in a way that leaves no room for second guessing.
âYouâre coming home with me tonight.â Again with the statements.
You arenât too mad about that idea actually, maybe going home with Jack Abbot is exactly what you need.
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I hope you all liked my first fic! I am hoping to make this a series so lmk if you enjoyed reading! â¤ď¸
