well tater my tots and call me a home fry

We Are the Daughters of the Microbes Who Could Survive in an Oxygen-rich Atmosphere

Pulitzer Prize type shit

Why's this dude built like crash bandicoot

Everything about this damn post is so funny to me. The lighting of the arm from the flash. The posing of the arm like a dramatic death from a novella. The fact the photo somehow got taken still and looks this good. The subreddit name. The fact this guy really is built like crash bandicoot

tumblr is the website for if you're just someone's weird sister

I love emoji reactions so much. Don't know what to say but don't want to ignore whoever texted you? Boom. Lizard reaction 🦎

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

I want to see the vampire who lives in this. I bet his name is Chad or Hunter.

And he's ready to crack open a boy with the cold ones.

Last time this came around I showed my three year old and he said "He's little like me!" and stared for a whole minute (v. Long in toddler time).

pitch for my new tarot card “Skeleton… Skeleton Fly Guy. Yeah. That’s What We’re Going With”

"grackle" really is a perfect name for a bird. knocked it out of the park w/ that one

the ad copy says it can be used on camels. imagine someone with a camel who is struggling with camel behavior problems seeing this and thinking "hot damn, the solution to my camel misbehavior problems is CERTAINLY this dog exorcism potion"

This reminds me of my corsetmaker days when i found myself searching for "extra thick boning."

You know that thing would eat you if you died, right? *pointing to the false image of you that others perceive*