i hope you jump to the moon and miss

HE DIRT BROKEN :(

there was a cloud shaped like bart simpson in 1852 and nobody recognized it

there was a cloud shaped like lois griffin in 1344 china and everyone recognized her immediately

THIS IS MY MOM'S LAST 24 HOURS. We need $443 to save her. Just 18 people donating $25 is the only thing standing between her and death in the ICU. Please, do not scroll past. Be one of the 18 and save her life right now.

"lock in" is probably one of the most important phrases to enter the public lexicon in the 2020s

I wish people would stop saying “It’s July. Well done for wasting half a year.” Did you make someone smile in the past six months? Did you stroke a cat or throw a stick for a dog? Did you learn a new fact or teach someone a new joke? Did you laugh, cry, scream or sing in the past six months? Because if so, congratulations for not wasting your time at all.

Happy 10th birthday to this, my post of all time. Glad to have spent the last 10+ years wasting my time on tumblr with you all 💖

Not book smart or street smart but a secret third thing.

supid

supid.

small town diner waitress voice: Omelas? Oh, oh no, easy mistake, you're in oh - MAY - las right now, with an A. Plenty' people get the name mixed up. Nope, no utopia here, just our small little town. *face gets really grim* We do still.. Okay well we do still have a kid that we... I mean it isn't working but- well- You know. It- It's fine. I'm sure it'll start working soon.

*notices a blue dot on the horizon* ah!!!! me pengy *a bullet passes right through my skull*

if a counter-sniper catches even a WHIFF of her baja blast tittums then all of the blood in their body IMMEDIATELY rushes to their Penas & balls and it stays there. they will drop dead in seconds

NO MORE SONGS UNDER 3 MINUTES. GO BACK INTO THE STUDIO

@ralfmaximus Showers that will kill you

Holy shit I thought this was a Sims bit or someone playing with CAD software, but the last few seconds knocked me out

@thebibliosphere I'm pretty sure you are the appropriate recipient for other people's terrifying home renovation choices