Fantasy Guide to the Servant Dynamic
I often get asks about the relationship between servants and those they serve and how the relationship develops over time or what's appropriate between servant and employer at any given time. Many period dramas do get this right but a lot don't and send mixed signals to the audience about the true nature of the relationship between servant and employer.
There's a Strict Hierarchy
This is one inescapable concept that often gets forgotten in a lot of modern media. The relationship between servant and employer is a hierarchal one, the employer and servant are not on the same level socially.
Servants will always address their employer by their title or by sir/ma'am - at least in public and if there is any deviation of the rule, it's in private and only at the invitation of the employer themselves. Employers in turn would use the appropriate title for the servant in question (I outline these here). This done very well in Downton Abbey, especially when Tom marries into the family and they struggle with calling him 'Tom' rather than Branson.
A servant would never greet their employer informally or answer back. This is inaccurately portrayed in the exchange between Mrs Russell and Turner in The Gilded Age.
Servants would also not address their employer directly without being addressed first. This is very single meeting.
Servants would not walk in step with their employer or sit in their presence. They would walk two or three steps behind at all times and only sit when invited. They would not touch their employer without leave either. This is done well in Queen Charlotte, with Brimsley.
A servant would have to obey orders from another member of their employer's family or their guest but only within reason. This is shown in The Gilded Age the lady's maid Adelheid is borrowed by Mrs Russell from her daughter for a time when she fires her own maid.
Above and Beyond
Some employers might expect more from their servants that aren't exactly in the job description. It was understood in service that sometimes you would be asked to tackle things not in one's paygrade. In Queen Charlotte, Lady Danbury's maid Coral helps her lady lie about the death of Lord Danbury to allow her time to gather herself and appear more upset. For example:
A lady's maid might act as messenger between a pair of lovers.
A footman might lie to the mistress about the whereabouts of his master (with the master's approval of course)
A butler might procure some less than legal party favours for a bash his lord and lady are throwing.
A guardsman might aid their charge in escaping the house/palace for a night of fun.
No matter what, a servant is expected to go above and beyond without complaint. The response to "jump" should nearly always be "how high". However, if there is a strange or harmful request, a servant had recourse to ask a higher ranking servant or employer whether or not they should agree to the request.
That being said, servants are people at the end of the day and might have scruples. Often, servants were far more conservative than their employers but more often that not, they would swallow their morals to do the job that is needed. This is accurately portrayed in Downton Abbey when Mrs Bird complains about Mrs Crawley asking her to wait on Ethel, a former prostitute, leading to Mrs Crawley to dismiss her.
Bonding
Because some servants work closely with an employer, relationships often evolve between employer and servant. There must be a certain level of trust between servant and employer or else the house would fall apart. Bonds do form but these bonds don't interrupt the hierarchy or the professional relationship - at least in public. For example:
A lady's maid or a valet might act as confidant to their mistress/master, keeping their secrets. This is seen in Downton Abbey where Anna and Bates act as confidants with Lady Mary and Lord Grantham respectively.
A kitchen maid may slip the children of the house an odd treat in defiance of their parents or governess.
The staff might chip in for a gift for a beloved employer on an anniversary or special occasion.
The same is said for employers, who would also show favour by gift giving or promotion.
A loyal servant might be left some money on the death of their master/mistress.
A retiring lady's maid might be granted a gift from her mistress.
Employers might listen to the advice of their servants or servants may approach employers in times of difficulty. An employer might see a servant's child educated well or might pay a doctors bill, but these are kindnesses. Because there is a certain level of proximity, certain familiarities can grow but it is unlikely that either will consider it 'friendship' exactly.
Boundaries
However, there are boundaries between servant and employer. Even in cases of familiarity and good will, a servant and employer would not meddle in each other's affairs. For example:
A servant might dislike an employer's guest but would not refuse to serve or wait on them. This is depicted inaccurately in Downton Abbey's Christmas special, where the butler Stowel refuses to serve former chauffeur Tom Branson.
An employer in some eras could not deny a servant the right to get married.
A servant may be expected to be available at any given time and come running at the sound of the bell. But if a servant is on a day off or ill, an employer can't punish them for not being available when knowing beforehand they wouldn't be.
A good servant knows when they are needed and when to disappear. They should not linger if it is clear they shouldn't be here.
A servant might see their employer engaging in harmful or immoral behaviours but would not have the right to criticise or inform anybody.
A servant might be tasked with dealing with their employer in a state of undress (but this never crossed gender, a valet or a butler would handle a naked male employer and only a female servant would deal with a lady's intimates) and while seeing them in this state, would not look or make a big deal over it.
The professional boundary should not be breached on either side of the divide. A servant wouldn't approach an employer with personal issues nor would an employer welcome the servant's unauthorised counsel.
The Downsides
This is an uneven system most times and the employer does wield a lot of power. Servants are in this dynamic because they need to survive and provide a life for themselves so often they stick out bad situations rather than risk not being able to find a job again. Servants in some eras could be physically or verbally abused without recourse. Some servants often faced harassment and sexual assault from other staff, guests and/or employers. Servants desperate to keep their positions would often keep quiet about their circumstances in order to retain their place. This is accurately portrayed in Outlander: Blood of my Blood, with Mrs Porter and Julia, along with many other possible unnamed women and girls.
