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The impure side of regression is:
hiding under your blankets
flinching at every sound
feeling scared and alone
Crying into your pillow
Unable to separate reality from disassociation
Scary memories and flashbacks
Feeling sad and lonely
Struggling to soothe yourself
Getting frustrated easily and lashing out
Having nightmares
(This doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone. This is just my personal experience)
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How my life feels sometimes
I hate being scared of death at 15. Like, I haven't even graduated high school yet, wdym I'm scared of this thing already??? Can I sleep? NO. Panic attack upon ye
Me: yk we should have a shower.
Brain: nah it's fine
Me: I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A SHOWER
Autism: no. no shower. that requires far too much change.
Me: but u like the senses of being in the shower.
Autism: hmm true. i could be bribed. maybe... but the change... do i have to?
Me: YES
ADHD: yeah alright let's just go. it's fine. let's just do it.
Autism: HA NO I'LL KEEP YOU IN CHECK THIS ONE TIME
Me: oh goody, the one time u manage to control yourself is the one time we DONT want that to happen. yippe.
ADD: look let's just sit here and do nothing. scroll tumblr. it's fine, what's the harm in that?
Me: do you want a list?
ADD: i didnt mean it literally...
Autism: wait u didnt
me: *sigh*
my aroace headcanons because i feel like i never see us have representation, i mean i had to go thru reddit to even find suggestions for aroace people like elsa and spongbob and stuff. ive been going thru a rough ride with myself about being aroace so making this just made me happy. theres a lot of stuff that goes on with me and my sexuality that i just dont like talking to people about because i feel pathetic when i do. i just feel like so many people have it worse than me n shit but i dont wanna talk more about it cuz i feel like it makes me seem like im craving attention lol
some of these defy canon like lloyd but some, like parry and spongebob and alastor are actually confirmed acesexual so wtv
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saw a post that reminded me of my really bad past experiences with tesblr, and how lucky i am to finally have a tes server that’s like…. actually safe. and full of people who are nothing but genuine. especially now that i’ve healed a lot, too.
i’ve heard SO MANY horror stories about rumors people in this fandom spread - and i’ve also been a victim of them too, lol. been called a scammer (was getting donations for a live saving surgery. thats it), a mysoginist (literally just explaining my mother-based trauma and being scared of adult women lol), and also like. had rumors go around about me apparently letting minors into an 18+ server. even tho i fucking hate interacting with minors online w a passion. i made a past server that was previously 15+ to 18+ and kicked all minors bc they could not fucking behave and respect boundaries.
oh, also pure ableism when it comes to a Very stigmatized diagnosis of mine. :| that was from the same person who called me a mysoginist. people over here making insane headcanons for me, i guess ðŸ˜
….so yeah. just awful, out of character shit going around.
i’ve lost a good few people i considered friends who were quick to listen to these rumors instead of just. idk. communicating with me.
this fandom irks me a lot with it’s behavior on a personal level beyond that, though. Skyrim had been one of my most intense hyperfixations since i was in a single digit age. so it sucks having such a hostile and drama-hungry community when all i wanna do is share OCs and shit.
this sounds fucking insane, but past experiences here have caused my anxiety disorder to skyrocket to such a drastically dangerous degree, so its kinda crazy that i’m even back here. typing this out is giving me chest pains lol. like this is probably one of the worst fandoms to get involved with
with that said, thank you @ the people who’ve made my return an enjoyable experience. and thank you to those who stuck around even after i left in 2023, and stuck by me and my honesty vs rumors. yall are the fucking real ones. and also the babygirls server, friends both new and old - i love u guys. thank yall for helping me continue this personal healing journey of mine (yall know what i’m referencing).
if anyone has had any ridiculous experiences here, do feel free to share 😠cause i know i’m not the only one. also god i love the babygirls server. pls join the babygirls server
I low key need more trans joy in my life. Why can’t we just be happy and not have to worry about our rights being taken away? Can’t I go home and not have to worry about bringing it up because it’ll end in an argument? Can’t I just be Sydney to everyone and not that other name?
I shouldn’t have to worry about my friends getting kicked out. I shouldn’t have to negotiate who I am. I shouldn’t have to accept that my family’s love is conditional as long as I don’t talk about it. We should just have the right to exist. We are people not your political debate so you can distract everyone from what you’re actually doing.
my battery is draining.
i don't sleep, but there's nothing more i want now than to lay on a comfy port,
and just shut down.
he might have not admitted it.
but i know that all that blabber about space,
was nothing more than a deflection.
