#skar

As requested by @karlathewitch :)

[THIS POST CONTAINS WAT SPOILERS!]

Oh no! You've been kidnapped! But don't worry--the following Cosmere characters are on their way to save you, and I've calculated your exact survival odds. I'm sure that'll make you feel better...

1. Tress: 100% Survival Odds

Oh man, are you ever lucky! Not only is Tress great at rescuing people--whether emotionally or physically--but she's also in the sort of story where protagonists don't die! Just sit back, relax, and wait for the Power of Friendship to save you.

2. Vin: 95% Survival Odds

Vin is coming to save you? You're (basically) golden! She can leap tall buildings in a single bound, cut down whole armies with her giant sword, and hates to fail people! Now, if for some reason she had to make the choice of whether to save you and doom the world or let you die to save it, then she's going to let you die. But what are the odds of that, right??

3. Skar: 80% Survival Odds

You can rest (somewhat) easily if Skar is coming to save you. This guy managed to rescue baby Gavinor from the Siege of Kholinar, which is more than the major protagonists accomplished! Plus, he's based on a real-life friend of Sanderson's, so you know that Sanderson doesn't want to make him look bad. HOWEVER, keep in mind that if it would be especially tragic for you to die--perhaps if you are a beloved Bridge 4 member and Moash is coming for you--then not even Skar can save you from the narratological tragedy coming for you.

4. Silence: 73% Survival Odds

You're pretty lucky if Silence is coming to save you. She is tough and skilled and good at finding people. And she will be willing and able to kill people trying to stop her. But also...Silence is a Threnodite. And that means her story is gritty and bloody and full of dead people. You have no real genre armor here. Except for the fact that if you die, you won't really die. You'll be a miserable Shade forever. Don't worry about how much of this survival percentage includes the half-life of a Shade. Don't worry about it.

5. Wax: 66% Survival Odds

Oof, listen, it really depends. Your odds aren't bad here. Wax is good at fighting. He's a lawman, so if you were kidnapped, he'd definitely want to do something about that. On the other hand, if there's any chance that your death might make him sad, especially if you are a woman he cares about, then your odds are much, much lower. But don't worry--he will feel sad if you are gunned down during the rescue attempt. And that's a comforting thought, right?

6. Vivenna: 50% Survival Odds

It's all about where we are in her story, man. Is this early Vivenna who still needs to learn about life? Oof. You're dead in that basement. Is it late Vivenna, who has had a glow up and started going by Azure? You are going to be totally fine. So between the two of them, your odds sit at 50%, I'd say.

7. Nightblood: 40% Survival Odds

Look at me. Look at me. Are you evil? Do you desire the evil power of a cool definitely-not-evil sword? Because if Nightblood is tossed into the lair in which you are being held, you could be okay... if everyone in there is evil except for you, so that they all get eaten by Nightblood but you don't. On the other hand, and I say this with love, Nightblood does have a tendency to eat his friends too. So you really need to have every aspect of this scenario happen in your favor for a Nightblood rescue to work out. It might be okay. It might be. I'll give you nearly even odds.

8. Dusk: 33% Survival Odds

Listen, Dusk himself? Highly skilled. Highly competent. If he actually wants to rescue you, he has the skills (and the death-predicting bird) to make it there. But if Dusk is coming for you, then you're presumably on Patji. And your odds of surviving there are pretty darn low. Dusk is raising the odds! But even he can only raise them so much...

9. Lightsong: 10% Survival Odds

Listen, Lightsong was pretty much in the business of not saving people for most of his novel (in his defense, saving people meant dying himself, which is a pretty high price when you have crowds of people asking for that every day). So it just depends. Are you one of the many, many people whom Lightsong won't save today? Or are you the glorious, shining example of Lightsong's character development, and the one he will actually fight to save?

I'm not to lie to you. It's not looking good.

10. Kaladin: 5% Survival Odds

Listen, you have a chance here. Kaladin is highly competent, cares deeply about saving people, and will do everything--and I mean EVERYTHING--to save you.

It's so fucking deliberate... they care again....

For idk how long now I've been getting legitimately up in arms whenever there's a part where they're not assigned to the same post/mission together. Like WHOMST separated the husbands? And then cheering whenever they show up in the same place together bc like... I THOUGHT THEY WERE HUSBANDS. When they rescued and returned Gavinor to Uruthiru, that made perfect sense. Who better to care for him than the married couple? "Ah, their adopted son arc; of course."

This was NOT a headcanon; I thought this was legitimate actual canon. I thought the books had them marry a while ago. You know? Revealed whenever it was that Sigzil was talking about forms and it was revealed Drehy was gay. So... Idk how to slot Dru into my worldview now. He doesn't fit.

They're MARRIED. Right? No? What????

I... sigh. I have to reread EVERYTHING bc nothing makes sense if these two suddenly aren't married. They were canon married and now they're not and I'm so confused.

As Kaladin joined Skar, the man picked up another spear from beside the wall and tossed it out the window.

“Storms,” Kaladin said, glancing at the squires—who in their haste to assemble their camps hadn’t yet noticed that Skar was stealing their weapons. “This group is particularly oblivious, aren’t they?”

The nearest group of squires finally saw what Skar was doing. Several of them yelped as they realized he’d managed to dispose of every spear in the place save three.

Skar doubled his pace, tossing two more spears out the window before—at last—one of the new recruits managed to grab his weapon and hold it tight. Like a mother with a newborn, eyes wide. The rest simply gaped out the window.

Skar grinned. The man enjoyed all this a little too much. 

“We’re under attack!” Skar bellowed. “Squires, to arms and form ranks!”

Stunned silence.

Then mass chaos.

Skar gave Kaladin a wink.

“Sir!” one of them shouted. “Our spears!”

“Stolen by the enemy when you weren’t looking, you dun spheres!” Skar bellowed. “Might have thrown them out the windows!”

“What do we do?” another asked.

Pictured: Drehy and Skar finding Elhokar and Gavinor after the battle of Kholinar