#shadowstorm

“Let someone else use one on me,” I correct him, lightly swatting his arm. “Let alone more than one…”

Xaden hums, a smirk playing around his lips. He’s in a good mood today. “It’s not so much different from sex without toys,” he says as he beckons me closer and opens the door. “Amazing for everyone involved, if you know how to handle your tools.”

Heat spreads across my cheek and pools in my belly as I step next to him. My body remembers all too well how well he handles his tools, after all.

However, when I take in his collection, my mouth goes dry. “Oh my…” I breathe, eyes going wide. It’s not that he didn’t tell me he had a good amount of toys, but… I wasn’t prepared for this.

Neatly sorted into row above row lie more dildos I thought any one person might need, and a lot more toys where I only partially can guess what they’re even used for. I see whips and plugs, clamps, and paddles on one side, then gags, blindfolds, leather cuffs, and a lot of rope on the other. On the ground, there’s a box with more toys, and only at the very top of the huge armoire are three small areas with Xaden’s neatly folded clothes.

His warm weight at my back is a welcome support as my knees grow a little weak, my breathing quickening. “So this is what you didn’t want me to discover the first time you took me to your room back then,” I murmur, grateful for his arms winding around my waist and his lips brushing against my temple. A grounding bit of normalcy.

“Didn’t want to overwhelm you,” he admits, then adds after a pause, “So… what do you think?”

I think this is the first time I ever heard any vulnerability in his voice, I think to myself, but I’m careful not to let him hear those thoughts.

“It’s… intimidating?” I admit. No hiding my feelings, it’s what I promised him. “You used all of these, I guess? I don’t even know what half of these are used for.” I shake my head.

“I did, yes. I can explain them all to you, or answer any question you want to ask. And we don’t need to use any of these either if you don’t want to. I’m just… informing you about your options.”

Smiling to myself, I turn in his arms. “But you want to, don’t you?”

There’s a strange look in his eyes, the same vulnerability I heard in his voice. “I’d like that, yes. But…” He shakes his head. “Violet, this is not something I’d ever force or even just push on you. Whether we end up going through this entire armoire and even expand it or never even use a single toy, I’ll be happy either way. This is not about what I want.”

Because all he wants is for me to be happy. He’s made that clear a thousand times since I learned about the secrets he’d kept from me.

I sigh. “I want to try, I think.”

“You think?” He raises an eyebrow, lips tilting into a smile at the familiar exchange.

“I know I want to try. But…” I bite my lip and avert my eyes. “Maybe not everything at once?”

At that, he laughs.

. o O o .

“Okay, so, which ones would you want to use first?” I ask a little while later. I got a short but good explanation for most of the toys. It got a bit overwhelming in-between… but mostly, I’m just horny now. Imagining all things he could do…

Xaden eyes me with a measuring look, then turns toward his armoire. “Generally, I’d prefer not to tell you. Let it be a surprise, you know?”

I huff a laugh. Of course…

“But as long as we’re testing whether this works, I’ll gladly tell you beforehand. So, for tonight… How about these?”

He picks a few items and places them in front of me onto the bed. There’s a couple of dildos in varying sizes, a bottle of oil, some pieces from the box at the bottom, sex toys specifically made for Riders as they’re powered by our lesser magic, and a thin black scarf.

“That looks… tame?” I say, inwardly relieved he didn’t pick any of the whips and paddles.

Xaden smirks. “If you say so.” he sits down across from me. “My goal as a… as a Dom is to please you. That’ll be my focus, to make you feel good. Over and over and over.”

I shudder at the implication, heat pooling between my thighs.

“And while some people find pleasure in pain and ‘punishments’, and I’m more than happy to deliver those if it’s what you desire, I would not go there right away. If you like those things, we’ll get there eventually, but with how you react to pain differently already, that’d be a slow journey.”

I nod, touched by his consideration. “And what’s this for?” I point at the scarf.

“It’s a blindfold.” Xaden picks up the silken fabric and lets it run through his fingers. The sight makes my throat go dry and I need to swallow. I can’t wait to feel those skilled hands on my body tonight. “Not being able to see will stir your attention to what you feel.” He leans in and, as if he’d read my mind, caresses my cheek, my neck, down to my collarbone. “And I want you to feel everything tonight.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

If he continues like this, he won’t get the chance to use any of his toys as I’ll be riding him to the heavens and back in two minutes at the latest.

Chuckling, he pulls his hand back, and I begin to suspect that he probably did hear my thoughts.

“I did, which is good. It means I can better gauge how you’re doing.”

I send him the mental image of a stuck-out tongue.

“And that I’ll be doing, too.”

There’s no way to win this, is there?

Turning my attention back to the toys in front of me, I notice something’s missing. “No restraining?” I ask, confused. That’s what made him open up to me about all this in the first place, after all, how turned on I get when he keeps me pinned.

“Oh, you won’t be moving anywhere,” he purrs, his shadows sliding up my legs and pulling my thighs apart. My breath hitches, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a damp spot on the blanket now from my soaked underwear. “But unless you specifically want to use the leather cuffs or ropes, I don’t need anything but my signet.”

Swallowing hard, I follow the retreating shadows with my eyes. “But I thought they aren’t as reliable,” I ask, recalling previous incidents where his restraints faltered when he lost himself to pleasure. Not that I mind, I love seeing him lose control with me. “Isn’t that why you have those things?”

Xaden becomes eerily quiet in an instant, his expression more serious than I have seen it in a bedroom in a long time. “Violet, this will be different from our usual nights. Usually, when we sleep together, we’re both tumbling down that road, together. We’re dragging each other further down, but if need be, either of us could stop at any moment and pull the other out of it, too.

“This is something else. This is… if we do this, then you’re giving up any and all control, trusting me to take care of you. You won’t tumble, you’ll potentially be in free fall, relying solely on me to catch you. My shadows will be restraints enough because I won’t lose control. I mustn’t. If I were to lose control tonight, then I failed you. I won’t let that happen.”

I can only stare at him, openmouthed. Slowly, I begin to realise what this is. It’s not just spicier sex. No, the sex is actually only the icing, the more important part being the ties we build, our relationship. Being able to let go, to trust completely, and to be worthy of this trust in return.

Slowly, I reach for his hand and card my fingers through his, then raise our joined hands to brush my lips against his. ”I trust you, Xaden,” I murmur as I try to send what I feel for him through our bond. All my love for him, that warm fuzziness only he makes me feel, the iron clad knowledge that he’ll always have my back. “You won’t let me fall.”

For the fraction of a second, Xaden’s eyes widen. Then, before I can react, he breached the distance between us and is kissing me. His free hand slides to the back of my neck, and I hum against his lips, my eyes fluttering shut at the exquisiteness of his mouth against my own. I’ll never get enough of this, of his lips, so soft and yet unyielding, his tongue claiming every inch of me, his low groans rumbling deep in his chest. It’s perfect.

But it’s also different, I notice. It’s not that he’s withholding anything, but I still feel the control he spoke of, how he dominates our kiss instead of the usual back and forth.

I can’t say I don’t like it.

“I love you, Violence,” he murmurs against my lips as we part, his forehead pressed against mine. “Gods, I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

Smiling, I raise my hand to caress his face. “I love you, too.” Maybe I’ll never know about all the demons of his past that still haunt him, but I don’t need to. It’s enough to know who he is, deep inside.

Xaden turns his head to brush a featherlike kiss against my fingertips, then pulls back, his eyes soft with emotions. “So, if you don’t have any other questions…?” I shake my head, my heartbeat quickening in anticipation. “Right. Then you only need to pick a safe word and we can get started.”

We’ve talked about safe words before, for various situations, to set boundaries. But I know this should be something else, something we’ll only use in this situation. So I’ve thought about it before and already came up with an idea I know Xaden will love.

“How about Squadleader?” I ask, grinning mischievously.

Xaden snorts a short laugh. “Yeah, right. If you think of him tonight then I definitely did something wrong.” He shakes his head, but I can see the humour glinting in his eyes. A part of him, the part that hates my former best friend, delights in my choice. “But it works. And remember: While I might check in on how you’re doing, I won’t stop. Not until I think you had enough or you use this safe word. Understood?”

I nod, but he shakes his head. “Say it. Use your words.”

I take a shaky breath. “Understood.”

“Very good.” He stands and places the toys onto the bedside table, and I can practically see the shift in him. “Now, come here. Stand and hold very still.”

I do as I’m told, curious to see how this will go. So far, our shared nights have always been wild, uncontrollable. Explosive, as he once described it. This calm and controlled version of him has always been the Wingleader and not my… whatever we are at this point. Mates?

When he touches me, though, all my worries evaporate. He cradles my face in his palms then lets them glide down to the back of my neck, like he’s done a hundred times by now, and kisses me. And even though the kiss is more controlled than usual, it’s no less heated. His tongue swipes through my mouth, claiming, demanding, and whatever resistance I might have felt melts away within seconds.

“That’s it, Vi. Relax for me.”

A shudder runs down my spine and my eyes flutter closed as he moves his fingers into my hair and expertly detangles my tightly fixed braid.

“I… I thought my hair is too distracting for you?” I ask, a little breathless already. With him all around me like this, I can’t help but deeply inhale his minty scent, and I have to fight not to ignore his first order and lean in toward his neck, to kiss and lick and suck and—

“Mmh,” Xaden hums, tearing me from my thoughts. “Usually, it is. Which is why I had to do this first. If I can stay in control with your hair down, then I can do this.” He runs his finger across my scalp and through my hair, down my neck, along my jaw and brushing against my ears. His touch makes me shiver, goosebumps running across my arms, and I mewl, feeling weirdly exposed yet safe beneath his touch.

He’s definitely in control. And I love it.

“Turn around.”

It’s an order and I follow. But it’s different from when he gives orders outside this room, warmer, deeper.

With great care, he unlaces my corset and puts it aside, then steps in front of me again. In his hand, he holds the black scarf. “Is this okay for you?”

I blink, surprised that he asks, but then nod.

“Use your words! Are you comfortable with me blindfolding you?”

A new shudder runs down my spine and my head spins. “Yes, I am.”

“Good.” He wraps the silken band around my head, once, twice. He makes sure to cover my eyes thoroughly, but only them, tying the ends into a tight knot above my ear.

As he works, a thought crosses my mind, and I can’t help but ask. “Why the scarf, though? Couldn’t you use your shadows for this, too?”

He huffs a quick laugh. “I could. But…” He leans closer, his mouth brushing against my ear. “I like the look of this better. It’s hot.”

Then he takes my hands and tugs me forward. “Come here. Onto the bed. Lie down on your back.”

With his guidance, I find the right position. It’s odd, I thought this would be awkward, weird, even funny, maybe. But it’s not. I’ve never felt so vulnerable and exposed, even with my clothes still on, yet at the same time so at ease. I know I’m safe with him.

“Now, arms over your head. Legs slightly spread. Yeah, just like that. Are you comfortable?”

I nod, then remember his earlier command. “Yes.”

“Good girl.” The little praise and his pat on my thigh do funny things to me, my breath hitching audibly, and I nearly miss the smile in his voice. I jump a little as his hand cradles my cheek, but then instantly lean into his touch. His skin against mine, it feels so good.

“I will restrain you now,” he informs me. The sober words should feel cold, clinical, but they have the opposite effect on me, my heart beating faster and heat pooling in my stomach. I know I can only feel the shadows because he wants it that way as they curl around my wrists and ankles. A moment later, the sensation is gone, but when I try to move, I can’t.

I yelp as, suddenly, the mattress beneath me drops away.

“It’s alright,” Xaden’s calm voice assures me. “I just lifted you off the bed so I can better remove your clothes.”

I frown but don’t say anything. Why didn’t he strip me when I was standing? Or let me do it, for that matter. However, a few heartbeats later, I get my answer.

Slowly, so excruciating slowly, my tunic glides across my skin. I can only guess that he’s using his shadows again to slide it off me, because his hands and mouth are otherwise engaged. I suck in a shaky breath as he explores every inch of exposed skin, thoroughly, kissing, nipping, licking me, every little contact sending little darts of pleasure into my core. He was right, not being able to see—and this entire setting, really—makes everything more intense.

“Xaden!” I moan when he reaches the lower edge of my ribs. This pace is killing me.

But Xaden only chuckles. “Patience, Violence. We have aaaaall night.” I groan when he finds a particularly sensitive spot, and he lingers there even longer, drawing slow circles with his thumbs on my skin.

He skips over my still bound breasts and moves on to my collarbones and then my arms, all the way up to my wrists and then back down again, to my shoulders, my neck. By the time he dips his tongue into my mouth, I’m a whimpering mess.

“Xaden, please,” I mewl between his slow kisses. “I… I need…”

Xaden shakes his head, his smile tangible against my lips. “All you need to do, Violet, is to relax. Whether you come or not, when you come, it’s not your concern tonight.”

My moan gets swallowed by his kiss. It’s not as heated or wild as our usual kisses, but no less intense. Xaden is fully in control, of himself but also of me. I want to kiss him back, but I can’t even lift my head to deepen the kiss or twist it for a better angle. I only get what he deigns to give, when he deigns to give it—and it’s hot.

He continues with my trousers, going just as slowly as before. His broad hands and soft lips glide down on the outside of my legs, then up again on the inside. It’s unbearably sweet, the way pleasure trickles through my body at his every action. Not enough to fuel anything but never giving me a break, either.

I’m almost content with him teasing me like this for a while when he finally reaches the apex of my thighs. Surely, he’s as impatient as I am by now. After all, I know him well enough. But instead of touching—let alone kissing—me the way I want, the way I need… Xaden merely blows a kiss onto my damp slip and moves higher again.

“F-fuck! Xaden, please!” I beg. I’m able to squirm beneath his touch now, so he must have loosened his restraints on my body a bit. But not enough for me to rub my thighs together or to arch up into his touch. “I can’t…”

“Of course, you can take it,” he murmurs, his breath tickling. He’s making his way around my belly button at this point, placing open-mouthed kisses against my hypersensitive skin. It’s driving me insane. “All you need to do is to give in.”

I whimper. I hear his words, but even though they seem to make sense, I don’t know what to do. How can I relax or give in when he’s constantly teasing me, flooding my body with sensations? Right now, he’s kissing his way along the seam of my silken black slip and I can’t cope.

“Xaden!” I mewl, pleading, but I already know he won’t comply. He said it himself, he won’t stop. Not unless I use my safe word. But as quickly as that thought crossed my mind, I’m already discarding it again. Because I don’t want him to stop, I realise. It makes bearing his delicious torture easier.

I manage to calm down a bit, to simply take his teasing, let it wash through me, and find relief in a different way; moaning freely, vocalising what I feel.

A shudder runs through Xaden’s broad frame above me, and he sighs. “That’s it, Violence. Just give in. Give yourself over to me.”

I want to. So I do it. Somehow, I’m sliding deeper into my own body, leaving the world outside for him to take care of.

. o O o .

Xaden

I feel the shift in Violet’s mind as clearly as I can see it. The way her whirling thoughts grow calmer, her body relaxes. She’s ready for more.

Without ever breaking contact with her skin, I move up, using my hands this time to loosen her wrappings and remove them, seeking the more intimate contact of skin against skin. Violet merely sighs as her breasts are freed, and I palm them immediately. They’re bigger than her wrappings and corset would suggest, still note huge but on her smaller frame, they look perfect.

“You’re doing so well,” I murmur as I gently knead her, my thumbs drawing circles around her nipples, getting closer and tighter with every round. Violet arches up into my touch and moans a little louder, but that’s all. No more pleading for more, to go faster. She’s not quite where I want her, but she’s on a good way. “Let me take care of you.”

She mewls and there’s a flicker of thought through our bond. Not words, but a sense of compliance, and I smile.

Gods, she’s so beautiful, in every way. Perfect. I take a moment to admire her, how she lies in front of me, completely open and unguarded.

When I see her there, lying on my bed in that submissive position and completely open for me to take her, a strange sense of calmness spreads in my stomach.

I expected this to be difficult. Usually, just being near her makes me hard, and every little touch or smile or unconscious movement prompts the urge to tear her clothes off and fuck her until neither of us can think straight anymore.

But instead, my heartbeat and breathing level out, my mind stops its constant whirling and settles on the here and now. On the woman that gave me her trust. On the woman I love.

I gasp at the sudden rush I feel. That’s always been it. Her trust in me, even against her mother or Aetos. It’s what destroyed my already crumbling resistance to the feelings I had for her. And now, she let’s me have her like this, granting me this ultimate trust.

I won’t fail her.

I lean over her to taste her breasts. It’s something I rarely do, rarely get the chance for. Usually, we’re fucking like animals before we even shed all of our clothes, and it’s not that I don’t enjoy that. Fuck, sex with her is… it’s more than anything else I ever experienced. Deeper, meaningful, more intense. The joining of our hearts and souls along with our bodies.

But having her like this for once, without any hurry, my driving need contained in that neat little box somewhere deep inside me… It’s amazing. I hope she let’s me do this again every now and then. And it’s more intense than when I did this with other partners before, too. With none of them, my feelings were even remotely close to what I feel for her. She’s everything.

I let my tongue swirl around her nipple and suck on it, lightly, while my hand works on her other breast, rolling and plucking at the rosy bud. I could do this forever, just indulging in worshipping her body, tasting her, feeling her warmth, surrounded by that intoxicating floral scent of hers. But the litany of moans and cries that drop off her lips, growing in urgency the longer I play, tells me she’s had enough.

“I’ll remove your slip now,” I inform her, but she barely reacts. It’s easy, my shadows moving her legs until the soaked piece of black lace and silk is on the floor, and I can comfortably settle between her thighs. Fuck, she’s so wet, glistening with her arousal. My throat goes dry with the urge to taste, to drink her down like a delicate wine. But not yet.

I kneel on the bed, her legs draped over my thighs, and let my hands glide across her skin. Her moans grow shorter, louder, her breathing quickening as I draw circles with my thumbs, growing closer to her centre with every round. I’ve reached her outer lips, moving them back and forth, when she starts squirming again, and I pause. “Don’t fight it,” I murmur. “Just let it happen. You don’t have to do anything, Violet. I’ve got you.”

She whimpers, and her legs, her entire body really, start to tremble with how tense she grows. I wait, rubbing her outer thighs in comfort. Eventually, she goes pliant again, and I sigh. “Very good. You’re such a good girl for me, letting me take care of you.”

I continue my earlier motion, massaging her outer lips until she’s positively dripping. Dragging my fingers through her wetness and listening to her high-pitched yelp, I bring some of her arousal to my mouth, moaning around my fingers at her taste. Fuck! She truly is the most delicious treat, addictive, so satisfying. I could drown in her and not complain for a second.

Just a little longer, I tell myself, suppressing the urge to simply devour her to my heart’s desire.

My fingers move further, teasing at her entrance and inching closer to her clit. But aside from her legs twitching on occasion, she doesn’t react, doesn’t buck her hips into my touch, doesn’t stiffen. Even when I start to draw circles around that sensitive little bud, her body stays pliant, her only reaction the raise in volume of her cries. She’s ready.

Exhaling deeply, I get off the bed and move her to the edge of the mattress. Then I sink down onto my knees in front of her, like she deserves, and lift her legs above my shoulder. Let the game start for real.

Without any more hesitation, I lean in and drag my tongue across her sex, all the way from her entrance up to her clit. Her taste is like an explosion in my mind, nearly breaking me, and her moan, the deepest and most urgent one yet, could easily kill me with its sweetness. Fuck, this is so good.

I take my time devouring her. I’m not going slowly or only tease her. No, we’re past that point. But I know what I’m doing, know her well enough to find the line I want to lead her on. So I push my tongue into her, exploring her insides and stimulating all those sensitive nerves around her entrance, and I play with her clit, suckling, biting, nibbling, writing my love letters into her heated flesh.

But I’m careful not to push her too far.

I don’t want her to come, not yet. I want to keep her on that edge of madness, want the pleasure to mount in her until her body can barely contain it anymore, to fill her with it.

So I keep going. My hands are on her ass or wrapped around her waist, holding her in place for me, my mind focused solely on her. On her pleasure, her body, the sense of mindless desire I get through our bond. Drinking in her juices and her delicious cries and moans, I groan as my cock pushes against my leathers. I’m not a machine, after all, and Violet is just too sexy not to react to, especially like this. But I shove my own desire aside. This is only about her.

Her body grows taut again, but I know it’s not her doing. It’s her body, her nerves burning with need as she trembles all over, and her moans shift to an endless row of short desperate sobs.

Outside, lightning cracks in front of my window.

Finally!

I allow myself a grin against her skin as more and more lighting strikes follow. Violet got so good at controlling her signet, lately. Making her lose control is… well, it’s fucking hot, that’s what it is.

But it also means I reached my goal.

“You’re doing amazing, love,” I growl. “Time to reward you.”

I bring my hand to her entrance, and my fingers glide inside her with no resistance. Fuck, she’s so slick, pulsing hot. She tightens at the intrusion, her walls clenched hard around my fingers. As if she’s sucking me in deeper. I can’t fucking wait to get inside her.

Later.

Smiling to myself, I crook my finger, bringing them just where I want them to be. Violet screams at the first brush against that spot, but I don’t give her time to process. I pull my fingers out directly and shove them back in, again and again, fucking her on my fingers, hard. Pushing against that spot inside her over and over as I harshly suck on her clit. No holding back anymore.

“Come for me,” I command into her mind. And she does.

Her scream echoes through the night, and the entire room rattles with the power she unleashes, her body spasming with her release. I wrap my free arm around her waist to hold her in place as I push her through it, feverishly giving her everything I can. More licking and sucking, drinking her down, and more fingerfucking with her walls clenching so tight it’s almost painful.

The night sky is all but constantly illuminated with her lightning, but I don’t pay it any mind anymore, my entire focus on Violet only. On how her body convulses with pleasure, how her scent permeates the entire room, her wanton screams and cries like music.

They grow quieter as her orgasm ends, but no less intriguing, urgent wailing as her body tries to come down from its height but can’t. Like so often when I go down on her, I don’t stop after her first orgasm, knowing how easily I can push her right into a second one. And today is no different.

It takes only seconds before her body gives in to the inevitable and she comes again on my tongue. It’s sweeter this time, a little softer after the explosive first round, but no less beautiful. This time, I only push her through it with my fingers, her inner walls fluttering around me, and I lift my head to watch her fall apart.

Fuck, she’s so beautiful. Almost radiating with the afterglow as her body sinks into the sheets like a puddle of pure bliss, a soft smile tilting her lips.

I keep my fingers moving inside her, but slower, not aiming to push her yet, and move to sit beside her. “Violet? Are you okay?”

Her breath hitches as if I startled her, and she giggles, like she’s not fully here with me. “Xa-xaden? Yeah, I… I’m good.” She giggles again. “That was… fuck… fucking amazing.”

My lips tilt into a half smirk. “That’s good to hear. But we’re far from done, Violence. This was merely the warm-up.”

Her breath hitches again, her body angling itself to where my weight depressed the mattress. “You didn’t think I’d leave it at two, did you?” I breathe into her ear.

A shudder runs along her body, a soft mewl slipping off her lips. “Xaden, I… I don’t kn—”

“But I know,” I interrupt her firmly. Staying in this old role with her is easier than I thought. Because I know she won’t have any qualms about using her safe word if it really gets too much for her. This is the woman who casually threw daggers at my head only a few months ago, for fuck’s sake. “You can take more, a lot more.” I palm her breast with my free hand, teasingly, and she whimpers, her hips rocking into my hand. “See? And you don’t even have to do anything, just let me take care of you.”

She whimpers again, but still leans into my touch as I caress her cheek, and her body becomes pliant again.

“Yeah, that’s it, Violet. Just let go.”

I lean down to brush my lips against her mouth, and my tongue dips between her instantly parted lips. A soft moan vibrates in her chest as she can probably taste herself on me, so sweet and sultry. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give her, wouldn’t do for her.

“I love you so much.”

There’s a flicker along our bond, but no words from her. Merely the sense of an echo of mine.

Smiling, I let my shadows reach for the toys. It’s time for round three.

. o O o .

Violet

Not being able to see is… an experience.

I’ve rarely been scared of the dark, and now with Xaden controlling the shadows, they’ve almost become something like a friend to me. So I thought, being blindfolded wouldn’t make such a difference, not when I can feel what happens anyway.

But this is nothing like I expected it to be. Feeling what he does means in no way understanding it, too. Like when there are suddenly two mouths suckling on my breasts. If the situation was different, I might have thought more about it. I’m sure he wouldn’t invite someone else without asking me, so that can’t be it. His shadows, maybe? But are they really this nimble?

A cry tears itself from my chest and all thoughts fly out of my head as the sucking grows stronger, harsher, something like tongues flicking against my nipples, over and over. Not being distracted by seeing makes the sensation so much more intense, and with how sensitive my body already is after Xaden’s earlier build-up, the only things left in my mind are More! Yes! Xaden! Fuck!

I hear him chuckle, briefly wondering whether I sent those thoughts through our bond, but ultimately, I don’t care. Not when pleasure coils deep in my guts, my mind growing hazy again. It’s a lovely feeling, not having to think. All I have to do is feel, and it’s more liberating than anything before.

Just like before, I start drifting, floating in an ocean of pleasure. I can’t control the ups and downs, only go with them, trusting in that he won’t let me drown.

My orgasm hits me out of nowhere, like a wave pulling me under, with no lead-up—or at least I didn’t notice any. I think I’m screaming as pleasure like fire burns through my veins and explodes in my mind, wiping it blank. I can’t feel my body clenching or shaking, don’t know what happens. There’s only this ocean, only me floating and waiting for the next wave, only bliss.

I want it to never end.

. o O o .

Xaden

I watch in awe as Violet comes, her back arching off the bed with her orgasm’s intensity. She didn’t feel it coming, just like I planned. I keep fucking her with the dildo in my hand until she comes down, then leave it to my shadow to keep moving the toy, slowing but never stopping.

My eyes catch on the suction toys fixed to her breasts, once again marvelling at their ingenuity. They work similar to our pens, containing shards of polomiellian gems to amplify minor magics, and it baffled me the first time I heard about these, but ultimately, it makes sense. Sex toys that, fuelled by a Rider’s lesser magic, can execute specific functions should be a very niche product given how small the target group is. But then, Riders have never been an inhibited lot, sex in all flavours is pretty common, and more often than not the motto seems to be The Kinkier The Better. And given that they also make the top of the social and economical structure, it’s no wonder craftspeople cater to their needs.

Either way, I’m not complying. These toys certainly fulfil their purpose. Violet was so focused on the intense stimulation on her tits that she barely noticed the toy moving in her pussy.

I lick some of her juices off my drenched hand—so delicious!—then wipe away the rest on a towel before carefully removing the toys from her breasts. Violet whimpers at their loss and I chuckle. Such a needy little thing, she is.

I let the automatism run out, then put them aside to replace them with my own mouth and hands on her skin. She’s so warm, so soft. I let my lips glide over her, tasting her sweat and listening to her sweet little noises. Comforting her after her climax and leading her to her next.

Still worshipping her every curve and hollow, I let my hand glide down her body and between her thighs. Fuck, she’s so wet. Of course she is, it shouldn’t surprise me. And yet, it does, throwing me off a little every time again. Just knowing that this is the reaction she had on what I do, what I give her. What she lets me give to her. It’s heady.

My fingers find her swollen clit and draw gentle circles around it, my head resting on her chest. Breathing her in and listening to how her heartbeat quickens with the next build-up.

For this round, I use a different dildo than before, a slightly curved one to better hit her g-spot, and a vibrating bead that’s clamped to her clit to get her off. I want her to feel it coming this time, want her waiting for it. Want to hear those breathy little sounds right before she shatters.

It’s as beautiful as ever, the way she shakes and arches, her noises, that wave of satisfaction, both mine and hers through our bond. I could watch her come undone in my bed forever and never tire of it. Lightning cracks, and I smile.

Next, I add a smaller dildo, slowly working it into her ass after preparing her thoroughly. Her moans turn higher, shorter with the fullness, her scream as she falls apart beautifully desperate. I can practically see how her muscles clench around the two toys moving inside her, and the sight is nearly enough to make me spill into my underwear.

I let my shadows move the toys for me and kiss her, fucking her mouth with my tongue. Stealing her breath and swallowing her muffled screams.

I switch out the toys against other, bigger ones, trying and testing what gets her and what not, combining different sensations, stimulations, keeping count on how many times she comes.

There is one combination in particular, one I memorise for future nights, that makes Violet go positively feral. One of the suction toys from before is fixed to her clit, its little ‘tongue’ moving quickly along with the gradually growing suction. In addition, I’m using another dildo, a magically fueled one this time, it’s bulbous head vibrating inside her.

I hoped this would be a good round. But when Violet comes—so quickly that it takes me by surprise for a change—her scream is louder, harsher than all others before, and she writhes so fiercely that I actually have to put effort into keeping her restrained. Outside, the night is bright as day with her lightning, thunder rolling like an avalanche across the keep. We’ll probably have some explaining to do tomorrow.

The power of her orgasm takes me by surprise, too, and before I know it, it rolls over into another one, just as devastating. It leaves her sobbing, her chest heaving, and I take a longer break than usual to comfort her after this, shifting her so I can curl around her, whispering sweet nothings into her ear until she calms down again.

It takes many hours, but eventually, it comes to an end. I can feel it in our bond just like I can see it in the way she sinks into the bed, hear it in the slight strain beneath her moans. She probably has another two or three orgasms in her if I were to push for it, but they wouldn’t be as pleasurable as I want them to be. She’s had enough.

For the first time this night, I remove all toys from her body, my hands only soothingly rubbing along her sides.

“We’re done, Violet. You did amazing.” She doesn’t react, but I didn’t expect her to. “I’m going to remove the blindfold now, then I’ll clean you up.”

After placing the black scarf back onto the bedside table with the other toys, I get one of the heat-preserving buckets full of water from the bathing room and, using the softest sponge I can get my hands on, wash the sweat and the sex off her skin. I start at her feet, slowly working my way up. I’m in no hurry, enjoying the aftercare even more than I expected. It’s just so peaceful, so intimate. Only when I reach the top of her legs, I move a bit quicker, more efficiently as I clean her up between her thighs. She’s so over-sensitive, no need to linger there longer than necessary.

By the time I reach her breasts, her eyes are open and she watches me through tired but clear eyes.

“Hey there,” I murmur, and I can’t help myself, I have to reach for her, to caress her cheek and brush aside a sweaty strand of her gorgeous hair. “How are you feeling?”

I’m rewarded with the softest of smiles. “Tired? But good tired. That was… wow!” Her eyes flutter shut, and she sighs.

I lean in and brush a kiss against her forehead. “Then you should sleep. We can talk tomorrow.”

Violet frowns and fights to open her eyes again. “But… but what about you?”

“I’m good.” I chuckle. I’m more than good. “I’ll just finish cleaning you up and head to the bathing room myself, then I’ll be with you again.”

Something flickers in her eyes, understanding probably, but she doesn’t have the strength to protest anymore. “Okay,” she breathes. She’s asleep oly a few heartbeats later.

Smiling to myself, I do just what I told her, taking care of myself to the memories of her coming undone in the bathing room, and quickly return to my room, cuddling against her back. In her sleep, she sighs and burrows deeper into my embrace.

I’m asleep before I can take a full breath of her delicious scent.

. o O o .

I wake up when Violet does, her typical morning twitching and little noises giving her away. With my nose buried in her hair, I take a moment to bask in holding her. I really am the fucking luckiest man alive.

Violet chuckles, the vibrations against my front doing funny things to me. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I reply, and my arm that casually lay around her waist tightens in reflex. But this is not the time. “How are you feeling?”

Violet hums. She turns on her back and stretches, and I pull my arms away to give her space. “I feel like my bones are made of jelly,” she giggles. “But I’m good. Great, even. Last night was… well, that was truly something else.”

I prop myself up on my elbow. “So, you liked it?”

Something flares in her eyes, something that makes my cock twitch in response. Fuck, what is it about her that makes it impossible to control myself when she’s around?

“I’m not sure ‘like’ is the right word. It’s too tame. It was… was... mind-blowing. Literally. I mean—” she laughs, a little bewildered— “I hardly remember most of the night. Only the ocean of pleasure, me drifting without control, and… and that, despite that, I was never afraid.” She gives me a soft smile that makes something inside my chest melt. “Oh, and I lost count pretty quickly. What’s the score?”

Chuckling, I shake my head. Leave it to Violet to be that one of her first questions. “What do you think?”

She shrugs. “Given how weak my muscles are, I’d say… somewhere around seven? Definitely more than the four I remember somewhat clearly.”

I can’t help myself and grin. Leaning down and nuzzling against her neck, I purr, “You came twelve times last night.”

Violet sucks in a surprised breath, then huffs it out again in one short laugh. “Guess that explains a lot. Twelve times…?” She shakes her head. “Fuck, that’s going to be hard to beat.”

I can’t help myself, I fall onto my back, laughing freely. I swear, this woman will one day be the death of me. But I love how untroubled I can feel around her, as if our biggest problem in this world is merely breaking our own sex marathon record.

“I take it you’re not opposed to doing it again, then?” I ask once I caught my breath again. It’s not that I expect her to be against it, but I still need to hear her say it, for my own peace of mind.

A blush spreads across her pale cheeks and she averts her face, brushing a random strand of hair out of her face. “Yeah, I’d… like to do this again. And maybe you can show me what some of those other toys are used for, too? But… maybe not every time?”

At her words, unbidden images flood my mind, of all the ways I could bring her pleasure, could make her scream, could make her body fall apart beneath my hands. But it’s those last words that make me turn toward her and brush a kiss against her soft lips. “I couldn’t have put it into better words,” I whisper against her mouth. Gods, all the things I’d like to show her, to try with her. But also… “Wouldn’t want to miss out on our wild nights.”

Violet chuckles, then pulls me into a deeper kiss, and I let her. I let her angle my head, let her place my hands on her waist, let her pull me closer until I’m on top of her, my weight barely held up on one arm. I’d let her do anything to me.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that, one day.” she hums into my mind, and a shiver runs down my spine. Fuck, do I love this woman.

As our kiss grows deeper, more heated, I let my hand glide over her body, along her neck, squeezing at her breasts, and down her side to her hip. When I reach her thigh, Violet parts her legs to let me settle between them, and I lift it up and around my waist, grinding into her.

“Xaden,” she mewls as my cock glides along her slick folds. “Need you. Now.” She reaches between us and grabs at my cock, guiding me to her entrance. A flicker of “slow down” crosses my mind, but it’s gone in an instant again when she uses her legs around my waist to pull me in, and I sink into her velvety heat.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” I growl, my head dropping against her, my mind empty except for fuck yes more!

Violet whimpers, pained, but when I want to pull out, she shakes her head. “Just a little sore,” she gasps. “Go on. Slowly.”

Sighing, I do exactly that. Rolling my hips in the most unhurried of circles, I work my way into her, inch by inch, while my lips find hers again. I want to taste her moans, want to feel the vibrations of her groans as I push deeper and deeper until I bottom out inside her.

Violet sighs, and I swear I could come from that sound alone, so content, so soft. It nearly breaks me.

Keeping the slow pace, partially to regain at least some of my sanity, I pull out and push in again, my mouth never leaving hers. Her hands glide along my back, our tongues moving together in some unknown dance, sensual and so alluring. A part of me wants to stay in this moment forever, but my body demands otherwise.

Only gradually, we pick up speed, her heels against my ass spurring me on. Eventually though, holding the kiss isn’t possible anymore, but while I regret losing that contact, watching Violet writhe beneath me is just as good.

“Fuck, yes!” she moans after I adjust her legs around my waist and thrust into her at a better angle.

The bed is sturdy but still creaks with the force of our movements, the headboard slamming against the stone wall with every thrust. But I don’t care. All that matters is her, this, how tights she becomes around me, her needy moans, the way she clutches at my back and moves her hips to take me even deeper.

It's an uncontrolled frenzy, and I love every second of it.

I groan, my balls growing tight. “Violet!” I’m so close, won’t be able to hold back much longer. My movements become harsher, needy, and with my last strings of control, I focus on grinding myself against her clit, on giving her that tiny extra bit she needs to—

“Xa-xaden!”

Her cry tears through me like a lightning bolt, her clenching walls shredding my last bits of control. With a roar that might or might not be her name, I fuck into her with no restraints, losing myself in the rush of pleasure, in her, in how she quakes, spending myself into her lovely heat in a moment of pure madness.

I slump down next to her, both of us gasping for breath. And as we lie there, trying to regain control of our bodies, I realise something.

Staying in control has become an integral part of my life, of my self. Be it as a Wingleader, as a shadow wielder, as the one responsible for a hundred and seven innocent lives, or as being the dominant with most of my sex partners; being in control has always been vital.

Except for Violet. With her, I’ve never been in control. Right from that first moment on that turret, she’d challenged me, had kept me on my toes, made me question myself. Only with her, I don’t mind tumbling freely. Only with her, I don’t mind losing control.

With a serene calmness in my heart, I crane my neck and brush a kiss onto her hair. “I love you.”

And with a knowing look in her eyes, she smiles back at me. “I love you, too.”

. o O o .

AN: Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing. ☺️

All this means, however, that she has no time to resolve her situation with Xaden. She has no time to think about how she feels about him, about his secrets. They leave without really having talked again after her waking up. And with the great distance, they can’t speak mind to mind anymore, either. 

At Basgiath, people suspect that more happened at Athebyne that she’s not telling. But Dain can’t see anything, even as he ‘inconspicuously’ searches her mind. She has to pretend that she hates Xaden and the marked ones that turn traitors, though, so looking out for Sloane won’t be easy… 

Anyway, the point, the one that leads to my idea, is that Violet gets sent to attend some ball. It’s some ambassador-thingy, something where she’s supposed to represent her mother and leadership, but also something where she’s supposed to prove her loyalty in some way. It taks place outside Navarre’s borders, possibly some event to renew the trade contract, or something. For this occasion, I imagine her in a slim dress, again with the long slit at her thigh(s), but this time in navy blue and sparkling. Sgaey’s colouring.

Anyway. Of course, when she reaches this ball, Xaden is there, too. Maybe Tairn speaks to her, which tips her off that he (and Sgaey) are close by. Or maybe she just happens to stumble into him in the hall, entirely overwhelmed by his minty scent. And Xaden as a stunned moment of simply staring at her in that dress. (Thinking of Anastasia and Dimitri here)

However, there are people watching her, making sure she stays in line. Maybe Dain even accompanies her. Either way, she is forced to ignore Xaden, pretend that she hates him, or at least doesn’t care for him one bit. 

It’s hard, though. During the past… weeks? months? she had a lot of time to finally examine her feelings for him, but it’s probably still a mess. She still loves him, deeply. And understands, on a logical level, why he wasn’t honest with her. But it still hurts and they’d need time to talk it out. So seeing him there, being so close, but not being allowed to talk is torture. They might be able to speak mind to mind, but it doesn’t feel right, neither brave enough to intrude on the other. Or it would be a risk, the people watching her might notice in some way. 

So it’s pining from afar, trying not to let anything show. Lovely angst and tension. (Thinking about Bridgerton, here)

It gets worse when Xaden appears not to be alone, either. Violet spots him dancing with a pretty blonde, sees them talking, openly small talk but also more secretive in some hallway. Are they lovers? Was he tired of waiting for her to make up her mind and moved on? She feels like dying inside thinking she might have lost him. Which in turn makes her realise her feelings for him, that she doesn’t want to lose him.

I’m not sure how this would fit into this scenario, but I want them to dance, too. If I had the time, I might even try my hand again and draw this, them doing the palm to palm and slowly turning together. I already have some reference pictures, but… arg... I wish I could draw.

I have this moment in mind, where Violet bites some comment like “I didn’t expect you to be a dancer” at him, since he’s a pretty good dancer, certainly better than Dain, and he replies with his usual calmness but a hint of heat beneath “I grew up as the son of a nobleman. What did you expect?” Reminding her that he wasn’t always this secretive, forced to carry so many burdens. 

At some point, they’d be able to talk, I guess. The blonde turns out to be an informant, a spy giving information about Basgiath and leadership to the rebellion. The ball was their meeting place, them acting like lovers their cover. Nobody knew Violet would be here as well. Violet might feel like a fool and Xaden might, rightfully, gain some hope from her jealousy. 

In the end, I want them to kiss and make out in some shadowy alcove, with them both confessing their love, and the promise to work everything out once they get the chance. 

******