#self parenting

if you were born with the moon in aries, you made a silent and deep deal to be the strong one. you became the child who did not need help, the one who was always fine, the one who moved so fast that no one had time to see the pain underneath.

you learned to act independent before you were old enough to know what it meant. even now, your natural state is to fight or to run. you are still guarding the edges of your own life because you do not believe anyone else will.

the internal shift: turning soft to hard the greatest challenge for an aries moon is how your heart hides its softest parts. because your sign is ruled by mars, your mind has a specific way of shielding you from emotions that feel dangerous:

when you feel sad, your mind turns it into irritation.

when you feel lonely, your mind turns it into restlessness.

when you feel powerless, your mind turns it into acting without thinking.

you use hard emotions as a shield to avoid the terrifying feeling of being small and helpless. but you cannot heal a wound while you are still wearing armor.

the zero performance sanctuary one of the deepest wounds for an aries moon is the feeling of being watched, judged, or measured by what you do. to heal, you need to reclaim the right to be unproductive. leave the bed unmade. be lazy. be a mess. tell your inner child: you are loved for who you are, not for what you conquer.

the end of waiting healing is the decision to stop waiting for the person who made you "the strong one" to finally notice how tired you are. they may never see the weight you’ve been carrying, and that’s okay. the child inside you is no longer waiting for their permission to rest. that child is waiting for you.

put down the sword. the war is over. you are finally home.

moon in aries: reparenting the inner warrior this 17-page workbook is a deep dive for those tired of being the strong one. it includes shadow work prompts, somatic rituals for the jaw and throat, and a roadmap to reclaiming your right to exist exactly as you are.

available as a digital guide in my shop

Me, parenting my tired toddler brain: Take a deep breath, it’s going to be ok. We don’t have to do everything today that’s overwhelming you. Let’s pick the most important thing to work on, ok? What’s the smallest step we can do to work towards that?

My toddler brain, wiping away tears: Um, I think we should...open up the important spreadsheet and look at the first row.

Me, parenting my tired toddler brain: Great! Let’s do that, and then we can have a popsicle, ok?

breathe in, breathe out

body

i want to step back and accept: i am 88 kilos at this moment, i have fat rolls that i try to conceal. i do not fit into the conventional standards of beauty. BUT i'm blessed to have a strong and healthy body - it's a real privilege, and i am so grateful for it. and i'm beautiful! i have lots of clothes i feel pretty in - and feeling it myself, irrespective of what anyone else says, is precious.

also, my best friend ♡ T-T is my favourite person in the whole world

i do have some goals for my body - these are majorly rooted in vanity - and that's okay. it's Dora Milaje looking out for me, protecting me from years of being fat shamed by my mother and society. this is why losing weight makes me feel more confident - and that's okay. my weight loss goals are also rooted in nurturing it so it can do the best of all the magic it is capable of. i want to lose fat to

have a healthy metabolism,

balanced hormones,

and healthy skin and nails.

keep my joints healthy

reduce the risk of CVDs

i want to lift heavy, jump, run, climb, be flexible.

i am not my ideal self now - but i am on my journey to it. it feels like it'll never end, on some days it's the hardest thing i do, i fail more often than i'm comfortable with - and it's ok. this is my character arc - and what's a good character arc without some struggle? besides, life is bigger than calories in-calories out, of course it's a struggle.

things i can do to support myself through this struggle:

stay kind when things don't go as planned

make the tough choices easier to make

plan ahead

look deeper, understand more of what drives me and what breaks me

have a little talk with myself before jumping on the indulgence train: be mindful, check in with my emotions, negotiate alternatives that are better for me

show up every day - can't be my best self every day, but i can be more like my best self

academics

//tummy flip

my anxiety is inversely proportional to the no. of days left to the exam. this means, freezing through the day and panic attacks at night.

to support myself through this, i can

make space for things that calm me down: meditating, staying mindful through little activities like doing the dishes and cooking, walks, working out, sleeping well, avoiding parent-interaction

prioritise studying: this means letting other people know that i don't have time for some things, making conscious decisions about how i spend my time, showing up at my study table and sitting through the first 20m even when it seems impossible

set concrete goals, track progress, actively monitor emotions

eliminate distractions: when studying, focus only on that.

no scrolling during study breaks: breaks aren't to load up more information on the brain, but to step back and relax. like really relax - stretch, walk, drink water, snack, gaze out the window, pet my babies

consume less than 2 hours of media per day: like, seriously! i know how much of a game changer this is

tap into how much i enjoy studying

75 soft reval - to make it align with changing life season. i want to ease off the stress too, because the next 56 days are already super stressful for me. i'm going to cut down on the no. of goals i set out for myself.

body

[] yoga every morning x20m: outdoors if i'm up early

movement first thing in the morning is the goal here. to save on time, i'm going to do yoga (my walks end up taking an hour). morning sun, or even just watching the sun come up makes me feel really good, so i want to practice outdoors.

to make this choice easier, i'll keep my mat and water bottle ready to go by my door the previous night.

[] midday wxo

summer is here - the afternoons are unbearably hot and it's v hard to focus while i'm a sweltering mess. i want to capitalise on evening study hours, so i'm reserving 11 am to 3 pm for working out, chores and cooking. this is also why i'm cutting down yoga to 20m - to make more of the cooler mornings.

can switch up here, like maybe go for a walk in the morning and yoga in the evening.

[] 1400 kcal/day x6/week

sad to see my raw veg/fruit goal go - i put it in to make myself come up with more ways to consume them, and i think i've established a good enough menu to tap into for now. i'll incorporate these into my meals, and maybe bring this goal back later when i have the headspace for it.

mind

[] meditate once/d

[] study 6h/d x6d + 4h on break day = 40h/w

well, that's down to 5 goals from the 10 i was going for earlier! i have some ground rules like

prioritize getting 7h of sleep but if i do sleep late, wake up before 6.30 am irrespective of what i went to bed (sounds inhuman but this is honestly best for me: a day or 2 of less sleep can be made up for with afternoon naps and i really do function best when i wake up early)

have social time once/week

do not consume media for more than 2h per day: includes little things like not using my phone until i'm done with morning yoga, not scrolling in between study sessions and not using my phone to deal with a freeze mode T-T

goddd, if not for 75 days, i really hope to see this through for the 56 days to my exam at least. //stress surge// ok, i've got this. everything is ok, i am enough and i am capable of way more than my stressed out self feels rn. i'm not doing anything i don't want to - all of these things are exactly what i want for myself, and it's just my surface brain that's feeling so apprehensive and stressed. once i get into it, it's all going to be fine amazing because let's be honest ok: i love eating healthy and putting thought into my food, i love working out, i fkn love yoga and how good it makes my body feel, i love the deep stillness of meditation, and studying is that exact perfect blend of challenge+something i'm good at that gets me flowing.

Galatea is a modern retelling of the story of the sculptor Pygmalion and his statue Galatea, where the recently animated Galatea has been sold to an art museum that decides to enter her into an exhibit for robotic art pieces.

In this adaptation, you (the player character) are an art critic encountering Galatea in the exhibit. Pygmalion is absent: one of the first things you are told, if you examine the placard the museum put in front of Galatea, is that (The artist has since committed suicide.)

What happens next is up to you - at least, if you can prod the cynical art critic protagonist to do it, or extend the right sympathies or torments to Galatea through the critic's mouth. Her stakes are far higher than yours - your words help define who and what she is, and what will become of her next.

Though absent, her artist is the giant looming over the interaction. Galatea cannot ignore his weight and the weight of his absence - he is nearly her entire life up until now. She tells you about how tormented he was, and where he found his small pleasures.

It's hard in my life not to look at myself through the eyes of the critic, but I can't help but wonder whether I relate to Galatea or Pygmalion more. Maybe we're each a little of both.

Since coming out as trans, I wonder sometimes: did Pygmalion kill himself in some desperate, dark ploy to create her? To become her? Merely to leave behind some sign he was here, a successor he hoped he could cut free of his own burdens to live a different life?