Feb 8, 2022
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“Dr. Gary Lewandowski, Jr., professor of psychology at Monmouth University, makes the case that if your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does. Leaving a bad relationship provides an opportunity for growth and learning.”
Opportunities for Self-Expansion
Hierarchical structure offers an excellent opportunity for self-expansion. You may want brotherhood, but how can there be brotherhood if you are pursuing spiritual distinctions? You may smile at worldly titles; but when you admit the Master, the savior, the guru in the realm of the spirit, are you not carrying over the worldly attitude? Can there be hierarchical divisions or degrees in spiritual growth, in the understanding of truth, in the realization of God? Love admits no division. Either you love, or do not love; but do not make the lack of love into a long-drawn-out process whose end is love. When you know you do not love, when you are choicelessly aware of that fact, then there is a possibility of transformation; but to sedulously cultivate this distinction between the Master and the pupil, between those who have attained and those who have not, between the savior and the sinner, is to deny love. The exploiter, who is in turn exploited, finds a happy hunting-ground in this darkness and illusion. Separation between God or reality and yourself is brought about by you, by the mind that clings to the known, to certainty, to security. This separation cannot be bridged over; there is no ritual, no discipline, no sacrifice that can carry you across it; there is no savior, no Master, no guru who can lead you to the real or destroy this separation. The division is not between the real and yourself; it is in yourself. What is essential is to understand the increasing conflict of desire; and this understanding comes only through self-knowledge and constant awareness of the movements of the self.
- Jiddu Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
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Day 280: Self Forgiveness on Resisting Challenges in Life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a negative charged judgment to the word Challenge, and to define myself within the statement of 'I do not like challenges' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a dislike / resistance to challenges within and as myself, when I reached an age where I began to experience and face how I cannot simply do things the way I want and have things be easy, because I defined myself, my enjoyment, my ability, within the things I had already become comfortable doing, and did not understand the reality of the process of physical effort and disciplined action required to really take something from ideas and potential into actual physical reality in my life / as myself, and so reacted to situations that challenged me to give up the way I wanted to do things / imagined things, because that would mean giving up my self definition -- but I did not see or realize this at the time and so experienced that I am being subjected to something 'unfair' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define challenges -- things that push me to change and go outside of my comfort zone, as 'unfair' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, from a young age define myself within the idea and belief that things are supposed to be 'fair', as defined by - people and things in my life fitting in with what is comfortable to me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea of 'what the world should be like', as a projection / imagination of me experiencing myself not having to do things that I don't want to / prefer doing, and to not see and realize that this idea only exists as a positive polarity projection in my mind based on me having judged / blamed what is here / the world that is here / what I'm required to do / my responsibilities, within a negative charged judgment of it 'being unfair' as defined by 'forcing me to do things I don't want to / am not comfortable doing' -- and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and see that in order to experience myself within and as the self definition of 'me being in a world that is unfair', I must constantly exist within and as this polarity design of seeing / judging the world as being 'unfair', and seeing / judging my idea / projection of 'a world where I don't have to do things I resist / things that are not comfortable', as being 'fair' Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest resistance and an experience of apathy within and as myself toward what's required to be done in my life through constantly judging what is required to be done in my life as 'unfair' Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my idea / projection of an experience of 'being freed from all these unfair things I have to do', within a point of secretly hoping that 'something will happen' that will enable me to take an 'easier way' and be able to 'get out of' the things in my life that currently stand as challenges / points that require effort and dedication and discipline - within this only perpetuating my experience of resistance and apathy toward challenges I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea / belief that I am 'unique' and 'different' and within this define my experience of resistance and apathy toward responsibilities in my life as being a result of my 'uniqueness' not being compatible with 'this world', within this placing myself as a victim instead of seeing and realizing that such a statement / starting point is actually just self manipulation of wanting to hold onto blame in order to protect my fantasy / idea of experiencing myself in a world 'free from responsibilities where I can just do whatever I want' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself / define myself to be less than / inferior to what is here as the world, in order to experience the idea that I am a victim, to provide the necessary friction / conflict toward what is here to move into the positive polarity point of my projection / idea of 'being free' as defined by the fantasy of not having to participate / discipline myself to face the challenges required in my life, which I connected a positive charge to -- and through which I defined myself to be 'superior' to what is here / how the world exists now -- where, my way of dealing with feeling inferior / fearing challenges, is to place myself up 'higher' on this platform where I judge / define myself to be 'a more free person' by nature and 'therefore that is why I resist the challenges and responsibilities in my life' -- even though I am not more free because if I was -- then I would have no problem embracing what is here, standing one and equal with what is here, and walking a real solution into manifestation for ALL here in and as this reality - where my idea of freedom is just Ego, just a Character I play to make myself feel better about not disciplining myself to walk through the resistances and fears I still face toward challenges and points where I have to step outside of my comfort zone Self Commitment statements to follow... 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Day 253: How I Realized I am not Limited to What I Prefer Doing
Day 206: Self Forgiveness on Fear of Arguments
Day 265: Uncovering the 'I AM' Statements Hidden in Reactions - 2
Day 274: Stuck in the Comfort Zone
A primary pattern I've facing, and have been facing for some time, is the point of stopping postponement of the actions I see are required to be taken, and that I in fact have the ability to take, to establish an effective income for myself so that I have the support I need to be able to really do what I see I could do with my life. At this stage my priority option for an effective income is the business I am involved in. However within this business point I am faced with the all the points where I have experienced the most resistance and fears in my life. In order to build my business, I have to step outside of my comfort zone. This presents a challenge because throughout my life whenever I'd be faced with stepping outside of my comfort zone into things I've not done before, I will immediately access fear of failure and experience a resistance, and my motivation will drop and I will feel like I just can't move myself to take the next step, and I'll end up passing up opportunities and staying in my comfort zone. This ends up not being a cool thing at all, because with each point where I don't take an opportunity, don't push myself through a resistance, don't push through the fear of failure and I end up deciding to stick with my comfort zone, I start to accumulate frustration and a feeling of powerlessness. And, the reason I have this experience is because I in fact see that I have the potential to do more, to become more, to expand myself outside of my comfort zone and I see that, if I were to do this consistently - to live without fear, to live fully, to fully go for it whenever an opportunity opens up, I would actually be satisfied, because - I wouldn't be suppressing myself. The fact is, when I give in to a resistance, to a fear of failure, and I stay in my comfort zone -- I am suppressing myself. I am not allowing myself to live. And, what happens is that any small comfort and relief I get from moments where I 'avoid my fear of failure' by not 'going for it' -- really doesn't last and really is not worth it. And what ends up happening is that I start to accumulate more and more frustration, which turns to resentment and anger, where I'll become spiteful within myself, blaming 'things' for being the way they are, and telling myself it's not fair that I must be in this position where I have to do things I would rather not do, in order to reach my potential and establish an effective life. I my next post I'll continue opening up this point.
Day 263: Snapping myself out of the resistance to blogging
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, most of the time when I am faced with having a couple of hours to work on writing / blogging, immediately go into a backchat of 'I'm not going to have enough time to really open the point up' and to react to this point within an experience of resistance and then allow the resistance to direct me to rather find something to busy myself with like a point of stimulation, or busy work that I don't really need to be doing, or running an errand that I don't really need to run in that moment -- and to then suppress that I actually see I could have worked on a blog or writing, using the excuse / justification of 'I need more time overall before I can get back to blogging regularly' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and tell myself that I need more time before I can blog regularly, even though I in fact see that there are moments where I could write a blog I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a resistance to blogging and manifest a behavior of postponing blogging, through accepting and allowing myself to consistently waste opportunities to blog and then not want to face the effort required of re-establishing the point of blogging consistently I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea / belief that I will experience it as 'difficult and unpleasant' to start blogging regularly again I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself when I see I am using ideas and beliefs to manifest reactions and resistances I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the idea and belief that, if I have one hour free time to write a blog, that that's not enough time to write a blog and to then just not even try I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I haven't blogged regularly in a while, that when I start again I'm going to experience it as difficult and I'll have to 'catch up' -- instead of realizing and seeing that -- there's nothing to 'catch up' on -- it's simply a point of taking a point and writing about it in the moment - that's it -- there's no need to have any kind of idea or projection of what it's going to be like I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 'don't know what to write about', because I was holding onto an idea of what I wanted my blogs to be about - within this not seeing that -- this was the point to write about -- this self forgiveness is what was Here the whole time to write about - thus showing how easy it is to fuck with myself when I am creating ideas instead of just being here and seeing what opens up through moving myself as self expression I commit myself to identify and let go of any and all ideas and beliefs about blogging in terms of - how I will experience it, what the topic should be, how long it should be, how detailed it should be When and as I see I in fact have some time to write a blog or at least even START a blog -- I commit myself to breathe, clear myself of any and all ideas / belief / projections about 'how the blogging will go', and to self honestly look at what is here I commit myself to stop wasting time When and as I am tempted to postpone blogging - I commit myself to snap myself out of it and physically move myself as breath to - start writing