#twilight x reader

Forks, WA. October.

𝒴ou needed to get out of the house.

To clear your mind.

Nothing had happened exactly, but you just felt that familiar feeling of your own four walls being the most boring thing.

One more day spent sat on your bed or in the dull kitchen and you’d cry.

You’d tried watching TV with your Dad, but Charlie Swan wasn’t exactly the most fun person to be around, although he was kind and always tried with you and your sister.

Well, the time you attempted to spend with him wasn’t worth it, since he got called to the station halfway through.

So, you went back upstairs. Maybe re-arranging your wardrobe — consisting of almost all of Hollister’s stock — or listening to that new Paramore album you downloaded would keep you pre-occupied.

…Who were you kidding?

For a moment, your thoughts landed on your sister.

Maybe you could ask Bella to hang out, but you thought you’d save yourself the disappointment.

Nowadays, she always just said the same thing.

“Sorry, Edward’s taking me out.”

“I’m going to Edward’s.”

“Can’t. I’m hanging out with Edward.”

Edward, Edward, Edward!

It was like she was in a trance.

Sure, you were happy for your sister. She seemed totally smitten with the guy, but all connection you had with her that you’d been building on since she moved here permanently had fizzled away a little since he came along.

And seeing that same silver Volvo parked outside your house does nothing to ease your annoyance.

But Edward was fine. Polite, charming, helpful, even.

-

He offered to help you study for a biology exam last week. Science wasn’t necessarily your biggest priority in high school. Biology was maybe the one you were best at, but you still found yourself completely confused with the content.

This impromptu study session meant you got to visit the Cullen household for the first time.

It lived up to the hype Bella gave it.

It was big, modern and beautiful, but the architecture and interior design was wasted on you after an hour of sitting at a table opposite your sister and her boyfriend, the two of them more focused on themselves than helping you study.

You soon got fed up and went for a wander (maybe not the most polite thing to do in somebody’s house, but damn if the Cullen residence didn’t fill you with curiosity) before you bumped into the ever-so-sprightly Alice, who then took the two of you to spend the rest of the evening in her room.

-

So with your dad, time alone in your room (which you’d already been doing all autumn) and your sister out of the equation, you took Bella’s truck out for a drive.

Okay, it was technically off-limits and Bella would be mad if she found out, but what else were you supposed to do?

The rain meant you didn’t wanna walk, no matter how used to it you’d gotten after sixteen whole years in Forks.

And the sweatpants you were wearing were new-in at Abercrombie, no way did you wanna trudge around in a bunch of rainwater on the sidewalk.

The local bookstore was where you found your peace at last, the warm lighting surrounding you from the quickly darkening autumn afternoon sky.

You and your sister were alike in that sense, seeking comfort in the quiet company of hundreds of stories yet to be told.

Recently, Bella had been visiting the bookstore more often, apparently for some kind of personal research. You’d kept asking to tag along but every request was quickly shut down.

So, you had no objective. No specific books in mind, no genres — although you were partial to a good romance story, something Bella had always teased you about. a ‘hopeless romantic’, she said — just curious for whatever caught your eye.

Well, little did you know it wouldn’t be a book that would get your attention, it was the person who’d just entered the store a couple minutes after you.

“Isabella?” The voice came from behind you, gently muffled by your earphones, matching the softness of the bookstore.

Naturally, you turned around, taking your them out of your ears.

It wasn’t your name being called, but there weren’t exactly many other people in here, just the shop clerk on the phone and a couple girls from Bella’s grade at school near the back of the shop.

You looked at this boy now facing you. He was tall, tan and had short brown hair.

And you could immediately tell he had kind eyes. Despite them being dark like yours and nothing out of the ordinary, they were some of the nicest you’d ever seen.

“I- Uh,” You began, unsure of how to respond to being called the wrong name.

Since moving to Forks full-time, Isabella Swan had become somewhat of a known name around town.

She was the girl who was always seen with Edward Cullen, the one who almost got squashed by Tyler’s van and somehow came away unscathed, though she almost gave you and your old man a heart attack.

It just offended you a little bit (okay, a lot, though you never told anybody out of fear of sounding totally butthurt) that you’d been the one who’d been living in Forks your entire life, but your sister moving to town in March meant you were now completely overshadowed by everything she did. Even she didn’t like all the attention.

You were just known by her name now too, despite being your own person and the one you thought people had known for longer.

“…You are Bella, right?” He clarified, squinting a little.

“Uh, no, that’s my sister.” You told him, glancing down at your dirty UGGs on the carpeted floor for a moment.

He caught the awkwardness like it was palpable, feeling terrible now for the mistake he’d made.

Just a minute ago, you’d looked so carefree, scanning the shelves, your iPod playing Paramore in your earphones. now he’d burst that bubble with his false accusations.

“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just- You two look alike.” He tries to redeem himself.

“It’s fine, I get it all the time.” You shrug.

You were just over a year younger than her, but since you were both little, you’d always looked alike.

You both had long, brown hair. Yours had more of an uncontrollable curl, so you resorted to wearing it in a bun or a ponytail most of the time.

Your skin tone was the same, stubborn and incapable of tanning no matter how much you wanted it to.

You and Bella shared the same awkwardness (though you managed with a little more grace than her, not slipping over as many times in a day).

“I met her last week, with Jacob. I thought I’d seen her walk in here, but nope. It’s you.” He gives an awkward smile.

“Oh? You know Jacob?” You tilt your head slightly.

Actually, now that you looked at him, there was a bit of a resemblance. Not like a family one, but he must’ve been one of the reservation kids in La Push, just like Jacob.

You certainly didn’t recognise him from Forks High. You were sure his would be a face to remember.

You were getting carried away.

“Yeah, we grew up together. You know him too?” He smiles, before realising. “Ohh, I forgot your dad and his are friends. God, I’m really messing this all up.”

You chuckle.

He was sweet but this interaction was less than smooth.

“It’s okay. It’s fine.” You try to reassure him, shifting the pile of books in your arms, as you just look at him. “I actually don’t know Jacob all that well.”

Your dad and Billy Black always had a bond, meaning that Jacob and Bella had been friends to an extent, though never that close. Just playing out occasionally.

You’d think him and yourself would be better friends, but you’d never been one for outdoors-y stuff until you grew a little older, sometimes venturing out to the beach or sitting in the meadow.

Plus, you’d been a ‘germ freak’ according to your dad and a little more girly than your older sister, so making mud pies or forts with sticks to pass the time hadn’t exactly been five year old you’s cup of tea.

A moment passes.

“So, if you’re not your sister, then what is your name?”

“Isadora Swan.” It comes quickly.

Dude, why did you just give him your full name? Did people even do that anymore?

“…That’s a nice name.” He replies thoughtfully, pausing to see how it sounds in his head before smiling again. “I’m Seth Clearwater.”

He liked to smile, that was apparent. I mean, he had a nice one, so who wouldn’t wanna show that off?

“Cool.” You nod, unsure of what to say next.

Did you ask him to hang out with you now, maybe talk about the books in your arms, or were you supposed to just let this conversation pass like it was just a mild inconvenience to the two of you?

Fate had other plans. Well, ‘fate’ being Jacob Black.

“Seth?” His voice appears as he turns the corner of a bookshelf.

“Oh, Dora, hey.” He says, recognising your face immediately.

Ugh. You weren’t exactly a fan of that nickname, but you’d never told anyone that other than immediate family.

It had always reminded you of the stupid cartoon character and her stupid haircut, but it was all your parents’ fault for trying to find a name that somewhat matched your older sister’s, and Isadora had been what they’d landed on. They’d been kinda clutching at straws.

“Hi, Jacob.” You respond.

“I was looking for you, dude.” He turns to Seth before setting his gaze on the glass doors to the bookstore, the bluish-gray sky drizzling. “Leah’s still outside.”

Seth suddenly remembers how long he’d been leaving his older sister waiting outside the shop, and how annoyed she’d be now. Great.

“Oh…I was just talking to Isadora.” He says, a little apologetic. “I bought the book, though.” He holds up a thin book in his hand.

“Cool, then let’s go.” Jacob tells him, walking ahead. “Bye, Dora.”

“Bye.” You nod at Jacob, before your eyes land on Seth again.

He looked like he’d had more to say to you before Jacob had come along.

He’d been wanting to talk to you, Isabella Swan’s unknown little sister proving a mystery to him now that you’d just met.

“Maybe I’ll see you again?” He looks a little hopeful.

You wondered what he wanted.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” You say.

And after waving him off, you were left thinking about who you’d just spoken to.

Seth Clearwater. The name hadn’t meant anything to you before now. Just Jacob’s younger friend you were vaguely aware of.

But he was sweet, and reminded you of the outdoors which was pretty cool in a weird way.

Perhaps it had been the autumnal downpour that left him smelling like the woods near your house.

And cute. Yeah, he was cute.

Friendly, inquisitive-looking, kinda like a puppy.

Even you, usually hard to impress (you’d never seen the hype over Edward or any of the male Cullens), were stood with a slight smirk on your face as you continued pretending to look for a book on the wooden shelves.

At least you could tell your mother, Renée, all about your meet-cute at the bookshop today when she called. No doubt she’d be totally thrilled.

I didn’t sleep that night. There were multiple times I had forgotten to blink, making my eyes water and sending me into another fit of crying. I thought about Edward and Rosalie the most. Edward, of course, because he was the one I shared a class with. The only one I shared a class with hopefully. But Rosalie, well, she reminded me of my mother.

Right at the end of middle school, mom had shown me pictures of herself when she was in high school, and Rosalie embodied her in many ways. There was this essence of femininity both of them shared. It radiated off the polaroids mom showed off, photos of her in dirty gym uniforms that somehow clung to her figure in every best way possible. She’d shown me so many I’d forgotten most of them. But the one that stuck in my mind the most—the one that no matter how hard I shook would cling onto the folds and ridges of my brain with all its might—was a picture of her and her friends sitting around a circular cafeteria table. Their trays of food not looking unlike Rosalie’s.

The image repeatedly flashed around me, reminding me that I hadn’t run away from my past life. Portland was still here, my mother was still here, just with some shiny new names and faces. Rosalie’s outfit was something I could see mom wearing. Not when she was in high school, God, the seventies were a different time. But something she’d wear right now.

Out of fear of being late, I stayed up the whole night. I wasn’t sure what time it was, and I couldn’t be bothered to grab the watch I had chucked across the room when the sun was out. But given that when I got up to use the bathroom I could see a small indent of my body in the carpet, I assumed it had been a good while. I also didn’t have an alarm clock yet, maybe that would be something I’d buy with the calendar.

I’d stopped really thinking about anything after a time. Only listening to the incessant rain pattering down against my window. It wasn’t water tight, and a few droplets of rain would leak through and drip onto the carpet. It was relaxing. It was background noise.

I roughly knew it was time to get up when I heard dads car start up. I peeked out the window, my knees resting on the damp carpet and watched as his sedan drove down the street, his wheels kicking up the water that had accumulated on the sides of the road. This was enough motivation for me to shower, entering the bathroom to find it very humid, the mirror fogged up so much I could only see a vague outline of myself. A silhouette. I rubbed it with my sleeves, meeting my ever growing eyebags and sullen face. I would put on more makeup today, false lashes and contour and heavier mascara and whatever else I could get away with.

Today's schedule was okay. No Bio and I had English. English meant Mike. Mike meant normality. But before I could reach my haven I had to deal with Jessica and Trig.

Apparently there was homework that had been assigned on Monday. Do questions on pages thirty-five to thirty-eight. I didn’t do it, evidently. I was too busy wallowing in my mistakes to even consider having trigonometry on my radar. Mr. Varner, him and his greying hair and his impressive five feet five inches warned me if it happened again I would get detention. I told him I understood and some other bullshit to make him happy.

Jessica talked the whole lesson, not being reprimanded this time due to the assigned partner work. First, she asked about how my first day went. I told her the same thing I told Ms. Cope. Then, she asked if anyone had caught my eye.

”Romantically, I mean.” Jessica clarified, not that I needed any, especially given who the question was coming from.

I leaned back, pulling my hair out and letting it rest on the back of my chair. “No. Not really.” Not at all, I wanted to say.

”Are you sure?” Her tone was odd. She sounded like she knew something about me I didn’t. I wanted to slap her.

”Superr…” My voice was monotone, a stark contrast to hers.

”Not even Edward?”

My eyes widened. This felt like a boss asking if you could come into work when you fully told them you couldn’t a month ago. I couldn’t even be free from him on my day off. “Why would you think that?”

She took my hostility as defensiveness. Her face lit up. “You asked a lot about him yesterday.”

”I asked questions about the family, who wouldn’t? Jesus…” Not even Jesus could save me from Jessica’s nagging.

”Oh, shut up.” She pushed my shoulder playfully. I wished I’d flung myself off my seat just to make her feel bad. “You don’t have to be embarrassed! Like, I was totally obsessed with him when he first arrived.”

“Oh yeah?” Divert. Divert. Divert.

”Oh my God, you literally have no idea! He was like, the only thing I could think about for like… six months or something crazy like that. I genuinely thought I was going insane–“ This was when I began tuning her out. Math was more interesting.

I sat at the same table again, with Jessica and co. Mike joined in too, pulling up a seat next to mine to talk. He decided to sit on it backwards, crossing his arms over the back of the chair. I paid special attention to him, since where he was sitting was in the complete opposite direction from the Cullen’s table. When lunch ended I could see indentations across his arms, like how your face looks when you have a really good nap. His reaction when I pointed it out was cute, he blushed a lot.

I went to the school library once my final class had ended, finding the address of a nearby stationary shop to buy my much needed calendar. Scribbling it down as well as some rough directions on a post-it, I headed for the parking lot. I purposely parked my truck as far away from the Cullen’s cars as possible, it wasn’t hard to tell which ones were theirs. Arriving at the store, I picked the first one I found, as well as a red sharpie and tiny analog alarm clock they had in the back. It came included with batteries, so I didn’t have to worry about that for another few months hopefully. The clerk that checked me out was weirdly talkative, and had seemingly no concept of stranger danger.

“Did you just move here?” She asked, her name tag read Nicole. “I can tell when someone’s new. Which is odd, right? I mean, who would ever want to move to Forks!” She waved her hands around erratically as she talked, yet they were still tamer than her voice itself. I held the cash in my hand, trying to follow hers around and give it to her. Her hair was done in two tight braids, falling across either side of her. The ends looked like hay, damaged. Like a toothbrush after a few too many months of harsh pressure.

“If you could just–“ Nicole’s hand accidentality whacked mine.

“Oh, sorry!” This is when she began to profusely apologise. She said so many words in such quick succession I no longer had space for my own thoughts, every single one being replaced by ‘that was totally on me’s and ‘what could I do to repay you?’s.

“You could give these to me for free.” I replied, messing up my hair even further than it was before. I wanted to look pitiable. I was so done with this town.

She froze. “That’s actually one thing I can’t do... Sorry.” Her final apology. She took the cash from my hand and scanned my items, now suddenly very quiet.

Placing it down next to my ‘bed’ when I got home was a very disappointing experience. It flopped down immediately, the two metal prongs jutting out the bottom weren’t a match against the scratchy carpet of my room. After setting it to the correct time, I let it lean against the wall for support. I then got to work marking dates, circling every day of the week I needed to. It was a chore, sure, but it was also a necessary step for ensuring a greater future. Standing up and walking to my door, I was able to get a good overlook of my new and improved bedroom. An air mattress, one calendar, one alarm clock, a backpack, and a blanket. Minimalism, I sighed, this was intentional. Just like the water damage on the ceiling.

The door bumped into me as my dad opened it, I fell onto the floor, grazing my elbows. I hissed in pain, scrambling to get up.

“I’m making dinner. Come downstairs.” He muttered, moving to close the door as quickly as he opened it.

“Wait,” I hurried to place my foot in the way, “I’m uh– I’m on a diet.” His TV dinners were pig feed.

“Okay, but I’m not buying any extra groceries for you.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself.” I would have to go to the school library again tomorrow to find the nearest supermarket. I wouldn’t be asking dad for directions anyhow, I also didn’t trust what store he deemed adequate for him to purchase at. I had only brought so much money over, the majority was stuffed at the bottom of the dresser back in Portland.

I wondered if Edward did that, or if anyone in the Cullen family cared about money whatsoever. I bet they’d never once looked at the price of an item on a menu. They probably didn’t budget, just spending money on whatever they wished and asked their parents for more whenever they ran out.

Dad waved his hand in front of my face. “Hello?”

“Huh?”

His eyes narrowed, clicking his tongue. “Did you take something? You seem out of it.”

I groaned. “Yeah. Your Percocets.” He rolled his eyes at that, about to leave. I stopped him again, this time by grabbing his arm. He quickly shook it off. “I have a question.”

“What?” His voice was gruff and annoyed. Crossing his arms and leaning on the railing of the stairs. I wanted to insult him for taking a joke so seriously.

“Do you know the Cullens?”

He rubbed his hand over his face, his skin pulling down so I could see the pink tissue on the inside of his eyelids. “Yes. Who doesn’t?”

“Me.” I shrugged, trying to play this off as an odd, random thought I had. I grabbed onto the cracking door frame for support, letting go of it once it creaked.

“What do you want to know?”

“Just… What do you think of them?” I pitched my voice higher, more innocent.

He fiddled with his jaw, cracking his neck before itching at his stubble. “Not much.” At least he was honest… “Talk to Dr. Cullen—the dad—sometimes at the hospital. He’s very knowledgeable. I guess.”

I nodded once, an awkward silence passing over us. I wasn’t sure why I bothered. My dad wasn’t of much use for anything.

“Am I dismissed?”

I just stepped back and shut the door, sinking down onto the floor as his heavy footsteps echoed throughout the house. I’d need to get a job eventually.

I wasn’t worried until Thursday, my next Bio class. Till then I had some time to prepare. Mentally that is. If wearing a gas mask was socially appropriate then I would’ve made another stop after the calendar. The silver lining was that I was somewhat friends with Mike now. He could be a small buffer during the beginning and end of lessons. Still, despite my best efforts, I didn’t sleep at all Wednesday night. A similar dead feeling I had after Monday passed over me.

Maybe if I was rude, I pondered, maybe if I was a total bitch Edward Cullen wouldn’t speak to me. Maybe he’d tell his entire family how much of a horrible person I am and none would speak to me. Maybe they’d all avoid me like the plague and not creepily inch closer to me during class. I could pretend they weren’t real. All stupid fantasies, all still ideal. My window creaked, not uncommon I’d come to realise, but this time in particular it was so incredibly loud it made me flinch. I sat up, wrapping the blanket and jacket I was wearing for extra warmth tighter around me. A flash of lightning lit up my room. If you were recording a video and paused at the exact frame it hit, you’d think it was filmed during the day. This place was a living nightmare.

I didn’t eat Thursday morning. Knowing what was to come loomed over me and I couldn’t even keep water down, resorting to vomiting in the kitchen sink. This in turn made me do the little dishes in there before heading off to school. Thankfully my dads eating habits were a joke and the only things that laid there were three forks and a mug.

Bio wasn’t my first class. No, I had Gym, then Literature, then Spanish, then Bio, and English after that.

I thought about calling my mother. Or emailing her. I hadn’t spoken to her since I’d left and she must’ve been curious as to how I’ve been. I would go to the library after school again and use the computer to do it. I should convince  dad to get a home computer. There were already so many things wrong with my life and it's usually small inconveniences like that that send me over the edge.

I showed up to school in the gym uniform so I’d only have to change once. Noticing that there was an open space next to Mike’s car, I parked beside it.

If there is anything important to note about me it’s that I am a hypocrite. I hate when people butt their nose into my stuff but I love doing it to others. I peered into his car. An open packet of gum sat in the cupholder, there was a random duffel bag on the floor in the backseat and his glovebox was open. I giggled at the mountain of CDs jammed in there. Around the Fur, The College Dropout, Meteora, Kid A, White Pony… those were the only titles I could make out with ease.

I hummed happily, pleased with his music taste and practically skipped to the gymnasium. I quickly found Mike sitting on the bleachers, hurriedly scribbling in a notebook. Class hadn’t started yet.

“What are you writing?” I asked, dropping down next to him. His usually light blond hair was now darker, damp. He must’ve washed it this morning. There was a light blush covering his cheeks, his paler skin highlighting it.

“Ahh…” He covered the paper with his arms, shifting away from me. “Unfinished homework.” I laughed, trying to pry him away from the page. “Don’t look,” He groaned, drawing out the ‘o’  “My handwriting sucks.”

I huffed at his defiance, pulling my arms away when he wouldn’t let up. “Mine’s way worse.” I unzipped my bag, showing him the Literature notes I copied from the board five minutes before class ended.

”Shit, you’re right.” His posture eased, leaning toward me and my notes. “I genuinely can’t read that.” He sounded giddy.

I whacked him in the head with it, causing Mike to laugh and duck the second time I tried. I actually got involved in volleyball today. The teams were divided by gender, so I was stuck with a bunch of girls I didn’t know. I occasionally waved to Mike, a wide smile breaking out on my face when a  volleyball made contact with the back of his head, much harder than I had hit him before.

Exiting the gymnasium, the ground was covered in a thin layer of snow. It was a little wet, not the preferred fluffy, white type you could scoop up and eat without worry. Majority of it had brown speckles, dirt. That didn’t stop me from quietly lagging behind Mike, letting him unknowingly walk ahead alone while I skimmed the top layer of the thickest portions on the ground.

”Wow,” I heard him say, “It’s snowing.” He stuck a hand out, catching a few flakes on his hand as I formed a ball. When I didn’t respond, he called out my name, looking around to find where I could’ve gone. I pelted him with a snowball as soon as he spun around. It landed square on his face.

”Hah!” I laughed at Mike’s frustrated expression, only getting louder once another snowball hit his face. Eric this time, who had somehow snuck up on the both of us. Glancing at Eric, his dandruff no longer looked like dandruff and instead the white pieces of cotton floating down from the sky. Mike bent down, scrapping together a ball of mostly dirt and flung it at him. He must’ve played baseball, or at least watched it a lot, his wide up was so comical it looked like a pitch. I pitied him if he was a Mariners fan, they finished last in their division, twenty-eighth overall. I let them fight it out and walked to Literature, suppressing a grin as Eric walked in fifteen minutes late.

As I walked to the cafeteria with Jessica, a faint blush coating her cheeks once Mike tagged along. As we were waiting in line, my eyes were unable to steer clear from the Cullen’s table. Edward, Jasper, and Emmett’s hair were dripping wet with melted snow. Rosalie and Alice leaned away as Emmett shook his head like a dog right out of a bath, beads of water flying everywhere. I grumbled at their picture-perfectness, something my dad would have hanging in his home.

“Hello? What do you want?” Jessica was clearly impatient.

“You alright?” Mike asked, apologising when I jumped at his voice.

“I’m fine.” I moved forward as the line did. “I’ll just get a Diet Coke or something.”

“Aren’t you hungry?” Jessica asked.

“No. I feel sick, actually.” I followed them as they grabbed their trays, sitting down at the usual spot. I stared at the Cullen’s, throwing away all the effort I had put in to make it seem like I didn’t care. I played with the tab of my unopened can. I didn’t want to drink it anyway, they had no Diet Coke left in the cooler once I got there so they had to get one from storage. It was warm, and I ignored it just like how I ignored Mike’s many questions concerning my health. I watched Edward specifically, grovelling as he shut his eyes tightly when a few tufts of hair poked him. He wiped away a few droplets of water from his face before fiddling uncaringly with his hair. He fixed it so easily and restyled it at the same time.

“What are you staring at?” Jessica intruded, following my line of sight. This girl never left me alone.

Edward’s gaze met mine, I quickly looked down to my lap. Closing my eyes and trying to block out my other senses. I needed peace. Peace and serenity. I saw those swirlies when all you saw was black too long. They were kinda dark blue, and there might’ve been green too. I couldn’t tell, because while Jessica’s yapping was reduced to holy high pitched muffles, I couldn’t get rid of my sense of touch. She was shaking my shoulder.

“Edward Cullen is staring at you.” She giggled. She was way too close to me, I could feel her breath against my ear.

Pushing her away, as well as my chair, I rested my cheek against my palm. “What does he look like?” I tried to sound bored.

Her face lit up. “So his hair is kind of messy but in a good way and it falls across–”

“God, Jessica.” I cut her off, I had already thought about his hair too much for my own good. “I meant does he look angry or what?” He had every right to be. I’ve been a dick during every limited interaction we’ve had.

“Oh, No. Should he be?”

“Kinda hope so.” I mumbled.

“...He’s still staring.”

I whined, placing my head on the table and using my arms as a pillow, burying my nose in them. “Stop looking at him.” I snapped, though it wasn’t at all threatening as I’m sure my voice was so soft and quiet you had to really pay attention to understand what I was saying. I did glance back up eventually, just to make sure she had actually looked away. She was now fully entranced with what Mike was saying, something about an ‘epic battle of the blizzard’. A snowball fight apparently. She was hanging onto every word he said. I chose not to inject myself into the conversation. I was totally fine with a few snowballs but what Mike was planning sounded way more sinister. I kept to myself for the rest of the hour.

Loud groans erupted all around me when we pushed open the doors. The bell had rang, signalling the end of the lunch period, so many other students and I had began filing out to get to our next class. The snow had melted, and had now become puddles and pools of water covering the terrain. Mike complained the entire time while we headed to building four.

Walking into class, my eyes jolted to my table. Empty. I sighed, returning Mike’s goodbye wave and walking to my seat. On Monday, he sat on the chair closer to the window. I sat in it this time, cracking it open ever so slightly to let in the cool breeze. It blew against my hair, a few strands flying to my left. The constant chatter before the lesson started was calming. It was white noise, something to drown out as I stayed in my own head. Mr. Banner distributed a box of slides to every table, right by the microscope. I watched him do this, feigning interest in anything to distract myself. It didn’t last long however, as once I saw the tiniest glimpse of his amber hair I turned my attention back outside.

His chair rubbed against the floor. While I didn’t hear him sit down, I felt his presence next to me. He was maybe half a foot away, I guessed. I leaned toward the open window, trying to be subtle as I took a big gulp of clean air.

“Hello.” He said. His voice was still so pleasing. I looked at him. His hair was wet and dishevelled, yet still managed to seem intentional. A few tuffs poked out at the top of his head, and a couple strands laid over his eyes, though not enough to disrupt his vision.

“My name is Edward Cullen.” He continued, flashing a smile. His mouth curled in just the right way. His teeth were a bright white, the kind you only saw in toothpaste commercials. “I didn’t have a chance to introduce myself earlier this week.” It was inviting the way my name fell from his lips. It made me tilt away from him, doing my best to huff fresh air and not the disgusting icky embodiment of juniper—and also orris, the longer I thought about it—mere inches away from me. “That’s you, correct?”

I really didn’t want to reply, but I was afraid he’d continue pestering me if I didn’t give him the bare minimum. Way too many boys felt entitled to your attention. “Yeah.”

We didn’t talk again until class started. Mr. Banner excitedly explained that we would have to sort the disorganised onion root tip cells in the box before us into the phases of mitosis they represented. We would have to label them without the aid of our books.

“Ladies first, partner?” He smiled again, a crooked one that showed less teeth but was still charming nonetheless, or at least was trying to be. His eyes were a deep golden, I noticed, and I couldn’t but stare. I knew that they hadn’t been that colour previously. “Or I could start, if you wish.” His fingers, long and slender, had already begun to place the slide underneath the microscope.

“I’ll do it.” My voice was firm. I pulled the microscope closer toward myself. I pressed my face against it, sliding it to the 40X objective. I studied it, digging up every Biology class I’ve had through the cemetery that are my academic memories and studied it. I was stuck between prophase and interphase. I always had trouble distinguishing them. My temper was already rising due to my own incompetence, and what definitely didn’t help was Edward’s fingers drumming against the desk. I lifted my head to glare at him. He was watching me intently. “Prophase.” I said, picking randomly from the two. I worked to remove the slide.

“Do you mind if I look?” He asked, gently grabbing my wrist to stop me. I jerked my hand back, my eyes furrowing in confusion. He was so cold. Terribly cold. Cold like he had been laying in what little snow there had been outside today and hadn’t gotten up in hours. Cold like a man shivering in a cave somewhere in Alaska during January. Cold like he was dead.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered, a genuine look of concern crossing his face. He glanced at the microscope, making my already embarrassingly long examination look even more pitiful. “Prophase.” He agreed. At least I had gotten it right.

Still, I couldn’t help but ask a very important question. “What’s wrong with you?”

His hand faltered, causing him to make the smallest mistake in his neat script. I would’ve told him to write normally if he wasn’t so fast writing cursive. Using the back of his pencil to erase the word and start over, he scratched his neck awkwardly, the side of his mouth tilting up. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re like freezing. What’s wrong with you, like, medically?”

“I… Sure?”

“You don’t sound sure.” I scoffed, shaking my head as he slotted the second slide into place. “Isn’t your dad like this crazy talented doctor or something? How do you not know what’s wrong with you? Because there is definitely something going on.” I giggled as I said the last part. I wasn’t sure why this sudden need to be bitchy was triggered by his temperature, but I also wasn’t mad about it. Not even a little.

I could see his tongue running across his teeth underneath his lips. “I’m anaemic.” He said after a while.

“Oh, really?” I hummed as he looked at the microscope. He didn’t move it closer to him after I had all my shoved it to my side of the table, so he intruded well into my personal space to do so. Edward mumbled something under his breath. “I didn’t hear you.” His expression when he looked at me broke my composure a little. His grin was no longer there and had been replaced with knitted brows. Maybe it would make me feel better if I stole all his iron supplements.

“I said it’s anaphase.”

“Do you mind if I look?” I copied his phrasing from earlier. Anaphase was the easiest for me to differentiate, so I’d know for certain if he was wrong. He pulled back, gesturing for me to try. Much to my chagrin, he was right. I held the best poker face I could while reaching my slide three. Though I was unable to stop my jaw from clenching when he started grinning again.

I was stuck between prophase and interphase again, and I think he could tell. I was trying my hardest to find the subtlest difference, anything that indicated what it was, but I couldn’t. I restored to guessing again, and I was confident Mr. Banner wouldn’t include the same phase of mitosis twice. “Interphase.” I announced proudly.

Edward checked for himself again, the tips of his hair brushing against my shoulder. I didn’t want to move away, something about dominance or whatever floated through my mind. He didn’t reply this time, only jotting down ‘interphase’ in his notebook and moving onto this next. We finished first, and this gave me the opportunity to glance at Mike with his lab partner. They were repeatedly looking at two different slides, placing one down and then removing and placing the other and the again and again. Despite his incredibly frustrated face, I wanted to be with Mike instead. My spine had been so straight the entire lesson my back was beginning to ache.

“I have another question.” I blurted out after a long stretch of silence.

He turned to face me, an expecting look on him. I squinted at him, biting my lip as he stared back at me. I could feel holes burning through me.

“Your eyes are different.” As I spoke, a sudden gush of wind flew through the barley open window, causing a piece of paper to fly off the table and my hair to wave toward Edward.

“Huh?” He seemed disoriented. His jaw slack and pupils dilated.

“Your eyes. They used to be black. Now they’re like… light brown.” I refused to say golden. What a positive descriptor.

He took a deep breath, watching me for a few more seconds before opening his mouth. It took another few seconds before he actually spoke. “What?”

Holy shit, did this man have a concussion? I groaned as Mr. Banner walked over, shutting the window and depriving me from having a bearable lesson. “Sorry, the windows must remain shut.” He then placed both hands on the table and leaned forward. I imagined the desk tilting backward and knocking him and every other desk behind down like a domino track. “So, Edward, didn’t you think your new classmate should get a chance with the microscope? You two are done, are you not?”

“I identified three out of the five.” I was quick to correct him. Although, no one needed to know they were all guesses. “I did the majority of the work.” Edward nodded in agreement.

Mr. Banner turned to me, now skeptical. “Have you done this lab before?”

“Not with onion root.”

“Whitefish blastula?”

I nodded along with a smile plastered across my face. “Uh huh.” Mr. Banner continued questioning me.

“Were you in an advanced placement program in Portland?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I guess it’s good you two are lab partners.” He stated, picking up the sheet of paper that fell off the table and placing it back on. My index rubbed the dust off the edge of the window as he left. It had been doing so much work, much more than I had realised. His cologne was now unbearable.

“It’s too bad about the snow, isn’t it?” Edward asked.

“Mhm…” I sighed, trying to make it known he did not have to continue this conversation with me. I doubt he wanted to have one with me, only trying to go along with social norms.

”Does it snow a lot? Back in Portland.”

”No. Only a few inches each year.”

”Were you born in Portland?”

“Yes.”

”Have you always lived there? Up until now, that is.”

”Yes.” My hand twitched, I was fighting back the urge to backhand him.

”So, why did you move to Forks?”

I didn’t flinch at the question, and told him the same thing I told Eric on Monday—and anyone else who wanted to intrude on my personal life. “My dad wanted me back.”

“Are you sure?”

My head spun towards him, my mouth dropping open. The fucking nerve. “Excuse me?”

His eyes widened, his golden, dehydrated piss-urine coloured eyes that he still hadn’t explained widened. I’d bring it up again eventually. “I didn’t– Sorry. I didn’t mean to be impolite.” I was already prepared to wave away what stupid apology he was conjuring up. “I just meant… is that really why you came here? Not that your dad doesn’t…” He didn’t finish his sentence, letting me fill in the blanks.

I already had a few lies going, my ‘diet’ I told dad, my indifference to the Cullen’s, being in an advanced placement program for Biology, why I came to Forks… Honestly, most interactions I had with people felt like scripted events that I had to act my way through. There was this persona I’d crafted to emulate who or what I should be and the only times I’d let it slip were when I was alone. It was hard keeping up with so many fraudulent aspects of myself. “It’s complicated.” I finally said.

“Im sure I can keep up.” His response was quick and succinct, and said almost immediately after my own.

I instantly regretted not doubling down and telling him to fuck off, I should’ve known he would continue to pry. Better late than never. “It’s none of your business.”

”Am I annoying you?”

You’re worse than Jessica, I wanted to say. You’re worse than Jessica and a million times more boring. “Yes.”

”Sorry, again.” His voice did seem apologetic at the very least. “It’s just that I think there’s a lot more you’re not letting on.”

”Why do you care?” I said sharply. The people sitting in front of us turned around to look. I glared at them until they swiveled back around.

”I’m usually great at reading people. You’re… a little more difficult.”

”Genuinely—and I say this with full sincerity—why does this matter to me?”

“Yeah. It really shouldn’t.” That shut down the conversation. Finally. Though, it wasn’t enough to get him to scoot away from me in the slightest. I pretend to be raptly interested as Mr. Banner explained the homework that would be due on Monday. It was all simple stuff I could accomplish the night before. I didn’t jolt out of the class this time when it ended. Again, the dominance thing. I instead took my time leaning against Mike’s table, waiting for him to pack up so we could go to English together.

”Was that hell for you like it was for me?” Mike asked, jamming his books into an overstuffed bag.

”Pretty much.”

”You had Edward Cullen as a partner, though! They all looked exactly the same to me.” He groaned.

I shrugged, not bothering to lower my voice in case he heard. “His personality sucks.”

”Did he talk to you this time?” Against all odds, Mike zipped up his bag, the fabric pulled so tight there was no give.

”Unfortunately.” I sighed.

I entered the library once school was over, sliding into a seat in front of a computer. I made a mental reminder to myself to log out of my email after I was done. I typed in my user and password, then started constructing an email to send.

Dear Mom, I spammed the backspace, Hi Mom, I spammed it again.

Mom,

Sorry I haven’t given you any updates so far. I know you probably want them. Sorry I haven’t checked in on you either.

So, how are you? I know I haven’t been gone for even as much as a week, so I’m sure not much has happened. But I don’t know, maybe you’ve gotten married again. Remember that one time you got married at three in the morning to a guy you met at twelve that same night. Then you didn’t sign a prenup and you dragged me to all your divorce court hearings. Sorry. I don’t know why I’m bringing this up. I guess I just miss you.

My new school is okay. Most of the people are nice. Nothing has really changed here. Dad’s the same. The town’s the same. The house is a little messier than I remember but it’s nothing major. No termites in the walls or collapsed ceilings like you mentioned. I’m sure you’ve realised by now but I’ve stolen some of your bath products. I definitely needed them. Dad has nothing substantial. He bought me a truck off a guy I can’t recall the name of but it runs like shit and you’d slash the tires if you ever saw it.

I hope the house doesn’t feel too empty. Love you.

Signing it off with my name, I sent it and shut off the computer. Stepping to the parking lot, the rain was so misty it felt more like a hose setting than anything natural. I saw Edward leaning against the shiny silver Volvo, confirming all my suspicions that those outlandish cars could only be owned in this town by the most obnoxious and pretentious people possible. I was so focused on glowering at him I nearly rammed into a rusty Toyota that was back out at the same time as I was. I practically snarled when I saw laughing across the lot. I went the long way, looping around so I could pass by him when driving out. I drove over a big puddle of dirty water left by the snow right next to him and his car. He ducked inside his Volvo at the last moment, avoiding the spraying water, having it only hit his back bumper and window.

My frown only deepened, only souring my mood further.