#self feedback

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

I’m going through my fanfic again so that when I resume writing, I don’t forget anything important. This fic started in 2016 and we’re going into 2019 now... so... whew.... it’s been a while. Feel free to read my thoughts or not; I just wanted a place to put ‘em. I’m going through 10 chapters at a time. Comments/feedback also welcome.You can read my fanfic here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7470858/chapters/16977999 There will be spoilers in these rambles if you want to read but haven’t. Chapter 1-10

Things I Liked

- All the characters have personality but not to a stereotypical degree. This is probably one of the better points of my fic so far.

- The dialogue wasn’t ever out of place for me

- Happy with how I included game mechanics in a more natural way, since being close to the game is something important to me

- Reading about the ruins was probably my favorite and I should really include more descriptions akin to it

- I’m glad I made Sebastian and Maru fight in the beginning, shows that just because Sebastian is the romance, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his dick moments

- For the most part, I didn’t make Sebastian being the romance option glaringly obvious (other than how he’s appeared a lot)

- The pacing is fine at this point, but it’s most likely that way since we’re meeting new people in every chapter and something is always happening.

- I’m glad Jade is her own character even though her flaws aren’t showing much at the moment, buuuut Things I Didn’t Like

- Jade’s characterization was a little inorganic and annoying for me in the beginning. Excitable is a trait that’s important (especially because it mellows out later) but I kinda hate how I shoehorned in video games and stuff. She legitimately enjoys these things, but in chapter 6 it felt like a real copout to have something in common with Sebastian.

- I feel like I could’ve cut out a lot of stuff about the past. Especially that stupid phone. I regret writing that in because it got me stuck later. I had a need to explain some stuff that I should’ve left out. There is also much more focus on her brother and I should’ve kept the parents out. I get too worried about people asking “well if she’s having these issues where tf are her parents?” I need to stop asking these things in anticipation and just go for what looks right to me.

- THIRD PERSON OMNISCIENT. Comes across as too cheesy. Some people might not care but god I want to tone down the personality outside of the dialogue.

- Sebastian not being an emo prince was important for me, but I also made him talk way too much in the earlier chapters. I really should have cut down his dialogue some, and also make him a little less nice to Jade even if he isn’t normally a dick to people, sans sister and dad.

- Robin, like Jade, was also a little too excitable for me.I think she’d still be very mother-ly and proud, but just toned down a little. I could’ve chopped a few lines, pun intended.

- I should leave out more finite details like Jade showering and going to bed at the end of chapters. Like, I feel like most of us can assume that unless I make it clear she hasn’t. Should probably note to pay more attention to clean appearances or to make it more organic rather than just stating a bunch of stuff that doesn’t matter much.

- With how Alex becomes a more main character I feel like he should’ve had more room to talk, but at least I showed he wasn’t a complete douche

- The descriptions are god awful, I know for a fact I tried to work on this though so hopefully it shows up later Overall