Perfectionism is a Lonely Road
Doesn't it feel like no one stands up for the strong in this world? If you're good at hiding your weaknesses, at doing the things, at trying to stand up for yourself, it feels like no one is ever there for you.
People stand up to you, against you, maybe even for the people who are against you, simply because they look weak and vulnerable, and you look strong and able. You look like you can take it.
And you do take it. You take it right in the heart, where it bleeds but no one can see it. It slowly kills you, slowly eats away at you. But you have to be strong.
You have to be strong, because you don't know what else to be. Because if you don't stand up for you, you know no one else will. Because you're the strong one. Because you can take it.
But we can't take it. Not any better than anyone else. Perhaps worse, because perfectionists have a difficult time feeling any self worth outside of their accomplishments and achievements. Outside of what we do, how we do it, how we act around others.
We don't know how to be vulnerable, and because of our perfectionism, there never is a space to be vulnerable in. Because everyone is waiting for you to fail, you're the one everyone wants to beat. Your strong, your life is good. You don't need the help.
But we need the help. We need it so much. We're dying inside, our souls screaming for any feeling of self worth, of a break, of anything that can make us feel okay again.
And all society has are critics for us. Of how we aren't all that, like we don't know that better than anyone else. Of how the other person needs the help and support more, of how we're fine, of everyone taking the other person's side because they look weak, because they cry, because they look like someone who needs to be protected.
And slowly, all of that starts choking off our heart, our feelings. And we never learn to be vulnerable, because society isn't ready to acknowledge that high achieving perfectionists actually have a pretty crappy time of it. That it's not all it's cracked up to be. That we're drowning in expectations we can never meet.
Please. Please be kind. Please give us space to be wrong, to be vulnerable, to hurt and to get support. Please give us a space where we can be weak and still loved, fail and still be valued. Until we learn that our value is inherent because we are human, and not because of all the things we do.
Will I ever get someone who isn't my mom to stand up for me? Will I ever find a peer in my corner? Will there ever be a time where my side is taken? Where my story is told?
I'm so lonely. Perfectionism sucks. It's so isolating. And people and society always just seem to make it worse. They are jealous of something that they would hate if they had it, of something that hurts. Imagine being jealous of someone's cancer, or someone who couldn't walk. Don't be jealous of my pain, of my disability. Be glad that you can live a normal life with normal expectations and a healthy balance of everything. Not one where it feels like one wrong step and your entire world will crumble and everyone will hate and abandon you.
You don't want to be a perfectionist. And to any perfectionists that are in denial about how much this is hurting you, please get some therapy. There is so much more to life than what you're living right now.
Don't deny it until you have a complete mental breakdown and collapse into a severe mental illness that takes you years and years to recover from. That is even more painful. Don't do it this way. I'll be the person in your corner, on your side. Get help. Stop listening to the ideal that society says it wants. It doesn't want that. Neither do you. Please get help.
