#nulloplasty

There's such a diverse range of non-binary bodies and transitions, and it's very sad to only ever see transitioning to "the opposite" as representation.

And to indicate: I don't hate this type of art at all, I'm happy it's made! But I do so so wish that there was more diversity in it, through inclusion of non-binary and/or non-medical transitions.

Personal point: I would LOVE to see some love shown to nullo surgeries in this type of art, but I have never seen anything for it :(

so I'm pretty much done with the hard part- pain has gone down enough for me to stop taking oxycodone, I've gone out with friends, i can move around without hurting myself, it feels like things are starting to return to normal. there's barely any blood in my maxi pads anymore. my wounds are almost completely healed now so over the next week or two, 8my sutures are gonna dissolve and fall out- I'm really looking forward to them being gone because they're kinda really annoying. i can feel the tips of them stabbing into my skin sometimes. I'm allowed to cut them off now (but not pull them out) but I'm not gonna do that unless they really start to bother me.

Today I had my second post-op appointment. check the fit~

i also squeezed a boob and found a free stool

The appointment itself went really fast, basically everything is healing perfectly, apart from some slight hypergranulation. when a wound is healing it forms granulation tissue, but sometimes it forms too much and that impacts the healing process. it's pretty common with these types of surgeries. they treated this with silver nitrate which came in the form of these big matchstick-type things. The doctor said it might burn but i didn't feel anything. that part of the wound will have some extra bleeding for a few days, but it basically has a second chance to heal normally now.

i asked about sexual activity and the answer is that i still have to wait another 2 months before sex. BUT I'm allowed to start slowly experimenting with clitoral stimulation!

(something i forgot to mention, gabapentin makes me absolutely STUPID. not the fun kind of stupid like with marijuana or ketamine. it's a boring stupid. your thoughts are just slow. but it did help a lot with nerve pain)

Also I'm gonna add that nerves are reconnecting. I'm feeling jolts of pleasure when im rinsing off with the showerhead and when im in a car that goes over a bump.

when i kiss girls I feel a ??? between my legs but i don't have the words to describe it yet. it's different from getting hard but honestly, not as different as you'd think. it's all the same stuff down there but in different locations. as much as i really wanted to keep exploring that feeling, it's definitely too early for it.

I want to have no genitals whatsoever. I’ve wanted this for a while. But I keep ruminating in my head over whether I have repressed CSA trauma. Like, feeling like I need to figure that out before I ever seriously consider a nullectomy. Or that seriously considering it at all is off the table and I just need to figure out why I’m like this.

In my defense, there are other traits I have that tend to be indicative of repressed trauma. Even if I didn’t want any form of SRS. But I also feel like the desire to not have any genitalia isn’t a desire that a rational person would have. And that it has to be sexual trauma of some variety because no one would want nothing as part of their ideal body normally.

I feel like I treat nullectomy/nullification surgery as a class all of its own. Like, wanting a vagina or a penis or both is fine. Wanting neither means there’s something wrong with you. And by proxy something wrong with me. I would dismiss this as my brain just making fun of me over anything I’ve ever wanted ever. Because it doesn’t want me to have nice things. But these beliefs also affect how I view other people who want nullification.

Context [link]

It is varsexism, yes (though I wouldn't say towards transnull people specifically, as anyone of any gender or sex can desire nullification.)

I am glad you recognize that your internalized self-hatred and experiences with CSA has influenced the way you view this procedure. It's good that you have self-awareness.

While it is perfectly valid to crave nullification due to sexual trauma, you should work on understanding other reasons people may have for desiring nullification.

Some common reasons I've seen are:

1: The person has a gender or sex identity that - for their personal experience (as people can have different gender or sex goals) - would be most affirmed through being without genitals, or with having buried genitals.

2: The person is uninterested in sex or repulsed by sex due to being ace-spec, and feel as though their genitals are a nuisance.

3: The person wishes to dedicate themself to abstinence for the sake of religion/spiritual beliefs.

There are, of course, many other reasons why nullification is desired for a lot of people. But those are the most common ones - alongside your sexual trauma example - that I've seen.

Your mindset also negatively impacts intersex people [link] on the agenital spectrum. Having absent, closed off, small, or buried genitals is just as natural as any other genital formation.

and perhaps nullification why not (I'm going to ask if it's possible, one thing at a time)