#luci null

so I'm pretty much done with the hard part- pain has gone down enough for me to stop taking oxycodone, I've gone out with friends, i can move around without hurting myself, it feels like things are starting to return to normal. there's barely any blood in my maxi pads anymore. my wounds are almost completely healed now so over the next week or two, 8my sutures are gonna dissolve and fall out- I'm really looking forward to them being gone because they're kinda really annoying. i can feel the tips of them stabbing into my skin sometimes. I'm allowed to cut them off now (but not pull them out) but I'm not gonna do that unless they really start to bother me.

Today I had my second post-op appointment. check the fit~

i also squeezed a boob and found a free stool

The appointment itself went really fast, basically everything is healing perfectly, apart from some slight hypergranulation. when a wound is healing it forms granulation tissue, but sometimes it forms too much and that impacts the healing process. it's pretty common with these types of surgeries. they treated this with silver nitrate which came in the form of these big matchstick-type things. The doctor said it might burn but i didn't feel anything. that part of the wound will have some extra bleeding for a few days, but it basically has a second chance to heal normally now.

i asked about sexual activity and the answer is that i still have to wait another 2 months before sex. BUT I'm allowed to start slowly experimenting with clitoral stimulation!

in terms of physical appearance, recovery has been even more gradual. swelling has been going down extremely slowly. there's still that tight feeling but it isn't enough to really bother me anymore. bleeding has also stopped almost completely. there's still a couple drops of blood every now and then, but about a week ago i got to the point where i don't need to wear pads anymore.

almost all my sutures are gone too, most of them fell out during week 6. the only ones that are still there are the ones right in the middle, near the bottom of the V shape scars. they feel like they're made out of a different material too.

A little after the 4 week mark, i bought myself a hitachi magic wand. I've tried it out a couple times but honestly, the sensation is underwhelming. vibration is a nice feeling and there's a ton of euphoria in not having those parts anymore. nerves still haven't recovered so I'm not as sensitive as i should be, and definitely not sensitive enough to orgasm. it's impossible to say when that'll happen, it's different for everyone. could be just a few weeks or over a year. One thing i did get to confirm 2 days ago is that i still get wet, precum definitely still happens💦

Overall I'd say that the biggest surprise is just how normal this feels. i don't mean that in a "this is how my body was always supposed to be" way, it's more like sometimes I actually forget that I have different parts now. How often do you actively consider your genitals during the day? How often do you feel the sensation of having particular body parts? it's the same thing. but at the same time I'm so happy with it!

Things have been mostly uneventful lately. pain and swelling has been going down gradually but it hasn't been linear. i have good days and bad days. today was a bad day.

I'm back home now, which means i have to deal with stairs. I'm under strict orders to only go up and down stairs once a day so i have to plan my whole day around that. go down, have breakfast, wait downstairs until dinner, then go up. my roommate is pissed that I'm hogging the living room, but i don't really have a choice.

I'm using a hospital bag to carry everything I'd need up and down. usually it's water bottles, heating pad, ice packs, nintendo switch. if i forget something, i just have to wait until tomorrow to get it.

Today i met with some other friends, we played a resident evil deck-builder game, i got lots of hugs and kisses and it was such a good day🩷 it was also the longest I've sat upright at a time, about 2 or 3 hours, it was genuinely exhausting to the point i was actually sweating but definitely worth it.

i also peed without any blood for the first time! (to be clear, there's no blood in the urine itself but the wounds next to my urethra bleed slightly and they mix together) it's getting easier to clean myself up after urinating, but the urine and constant wiping still really irritates my skin. i should probably ask my doctor if i can use moisturizer or lotion or something.

they gave me a thing to breathe into occasionally, it's supposed to help lung clots by making you cough but coughing is painful.

i get pain meds every four hours and get my vitals checked every 2 hours. the nurses are all very nice and sweet but they've been slow with my meds. without them my pain level climbs up to a 7/10. with meds and an ice pack its a much more manageable 4/10.

turns out i was already peeing into the bag taped to my leg. i had a catheter in and another tube for wound drainage and also a vacuum on my crotch. but overall the sensation was like the soreness from having an extremely full bladder.

they wheeled me into this massive hospital room- it's actually really nice in here. it's quiet and private and there's plenty of space. since I'm unable to walk or move my legs, they put these blood-pressure cuff things on them- they keep squeezing my legs to keep the blood flowing and that keeps my feet from going completely numb.

things in the hotel are a bit harder than in the hospital. the bed isn't adjustable so leaning up to eat or drink or take pills is tricky, plus there aren't any bars on the sides of the walls or the bed.im starting to see the sutures dissolve and fall off, they should be all gone at around the 2 week mark.

the meds i was given were oxycodone, for pain (supplemented with acetaminophen/tylenol) a muscle relaxant, antibiotics, stool softener, and steroids to help reduce swelling.

ok so around noon i figured out why i was feeling so much pressure last night- good news is that I'm no longer constipated.

Fun Fact, that entire hospital stay cost $1.55, my medicaid covered everything except the copay on the stool softeners. and damn they were worth every penny.

so i still have a ton of pain and swelling and bruising. honestly i think the pain might be getting even worse- but it's most likely just because they lowered my dose of oxycodone. because of my weight, i need a higher dose of medication to get the same effects as someone of "healthy" weight. doctors never understand this.

i talked with some other patients and they said what I'm feeling is pretty normal. the way it's looking, despite how scary it is, is also pretty normal for this stage in the process. i saw some of their photos and they were way scarier, but after enough time they all turn out fine. and just to be safe i emailed dr. del corral too.

i'm only 6 weeks post-op so that's to be expected. nerves are still healing and reconnecting and all that. i know for some girls it can be over a year before sensation returns completely.