A SpawNovember Contribution for "Lord of the Underdark" week
Thank you again to @oona-radiant-hopeful for the thought you put into coordinating this celebration of UA Astarion 💜
I had more energy (read: lots and lots of time in the car over the weekend) to write a short story for this week! I definitely broke my own heart a little with this one. For context to anyone unfamiliar with my fic, The Embrace of Love and Death, Miss Fortune has depression and anxiety and had ~a very bad time~ mental health-wise in the Underdark. As such, it would be perhaps the only place they wouldn't/couldn't follow Astarion. So this story explores what that would look like if Astarion decided to go anyway - it's not their canon ending, thank goodness. 🥲
The mercurial swirls of scarlet flickering in Astarion's ruby eyes with the movements of the torch lights had Miss Fortune in a chokehold. They were staring, they knew, but could not muster the will to care. They felt a desperate determination to memorize every last bit of his face and the way his cool hands felt cradling theirs.
The angular cheeks, no longer gaunt like they were when they met thanks to regular feedings. Those silver eyebrows that were so expressive they could hold an entire conversation just with their rise and fall. His mane of silvery curls which Miss Fortune sometimes spent hours trailing their hands through, curled around him in bed while the early morning rays beat futilely against their thick brocade curtains.
They would have gladly spent several lifetimes more brushing, washing, and oiling that hair just to see the peaceful smile it put on Astarion's face. How many times had that sharp jawline and chin prodded them into a giggling fit from jutting into the ticklish part of their shoulder? And his lips…Miss Fortune's began to quiver when their eyes roamed down to the mouth they would never tire of kissing.
"Mithril armor? Of course, my love." Astarion unbuttoned his high-necked blouse to reveal the feather-light metal armor beneath, taking one of Miss Fortune's hands and bringing it up to rest on his chest. "See? And it fits perfectly, too."
The half-elf's eyes darted away to where the opening to the Underdark taunted them, its wide maw leading down to the unfathomable depths below the surface. It would swallow their lover whole in just a few short minutes. As quickly as they'd drifted, Miss Fortune's eyes snapped back to Astarion.
"Do you have enough blood in your—"
"Bag of holding? You should know, you helped me fill it. Go on, dearest, reach a hand in and feel for yourself."
Astarion's deft fingers undid the ties on the bag of holding Gale had enchanted to remain cold enough to store blood for extended periods of time. A frosty puff of energy escaped when the bag opened and indeed, when Miss Fortune reached a hand inside, every jar of animal blood and vial of theirs was accounted for. Enough for at least a tenday and a half, two if he rationed.
"Aw c'mon, Boss, don't act like we won't let him feed on us if he needs it," Hawk, one of Astarion's favorite assassins in their employ, cut in from where he stood with an arm around his twin, Fox.
Fox stomped on his foot, eliciting a sharp cry from her brother. "Shut it, idiot. Let them have their moment. They know we're gonna take care of our leader or they wouldn't have put us on the job."
Miss Fortune had been so wrapped up in Astarion they had forgotten they had an entourage. Or perhaps deliberately ignored was more fitting. In the moons that passed since the netherbrain's defeat, the more influential Miss Fortune and Astarion's spy network grew the less time the leaders could safely spend alone. Astarion would be accompanied by two scouts and three of their best fighters on his journey to the Underdark fortress his vampire spawn siblings were attempting to build for themselves and what remained of the 7,000 spawn Astarion had freed.
Shame and guilt tore through Miss Fortune, stinging their eyes and tightening their throat as hot tears threatened to fall. They should be among the Underdark expedition. They should be joining Astarion, establishing order and providing guidance by his side. But after all they had been through, all the skills they'd gained, Miss Fortune 's mind was still too fragile.
Blinking back tears, their eyes settled once more on Astarion, whose own eyes were shining with repressed emotion.
"Here's one thing I bet you've forgotten: do you have a soft place to keep my heart safe when you take it with you?"
A sharp barking laugh escaped Astarion's throat and tears began to spill down his cheeks in earnest, all but shattering Miss Fortune's composure.
"Always, Sasha. Always." Bringing their hands back up to his chest, Astarion leaned in to kiss them, his lips lingering with regret. Salt mingled with the sweetness of his breath as their tears rolled down their cheeks and into the corners of their mouth, but it did little to deter them.
Astarion's siblings had tried their best to establish order without him, but with each report they sent the outlook looked more grim. And so, he had to go. And Miss Fortune had to stay. At least until their spy network was established enough to run without them both for any length of time, or until the Underdark community was safe enough that Miss Fortune wouldn't be in grave danger if their mental state left them incapacitated.
The rogues stood there crying, kissing, and embracing for several more minutes before Miss Fortune wrangled their emotions into a manageable state and stepped back, hands still lingering over Astarion's unbeating heart.
"I'll write you every day," they promised with a sniffle. "You'll have a fat stack of letters waiting for you when you arrive and you'll be sick of my handwriting by the time you read them all."
"You'd better write me back as soon as you arrive, you hear me?"
"I swear it, darling." Astarion stepped forward again to wrap them in a firm embrace, his arms crushing them to him with a shudder. "This isn't goodbye, you know. It's just…so long, for now."
As if that made it any better. But Miss Fortune appreciated the gesture. They tried to don a brave mask they knew Astarion would see right through anyway, as clearly as if it were made of glass. "I know, my star."
"I love you, Sasha," he said with a kiss to their forehead.
"And I love you, Astarion. Now go on, before I say to hells with duty and selfishly keep you to myself. You…you'll make an exceptional Lord of the Underdark. It suits you beautifully."
Wiping more tears away with another laugh, Astarion released them at last. "Most things do, darling."
And then he turned with a wave to the spies assigned to accompany him and began descending into the mouth of the Underdark. Miss Fortune stood frozen, clutching the fabric over their heart as they watched the retreating form of their lover grow smaller. When he reached the bend in the path he paused and turned. The distance was too great to see his facial expression, but the rigidity of his posture told Miss Fortune everything they needed to know. Their own mind was screaming at them to run, to follow him wherever he went so long as it meant they wouldn't have to be apart, but they bit their lip and ground down, the metallic tang of blood trickling onto their tongue.
Astarion swayed where he stood, seeming to battle with himself for several long moments before Hawk—or maybe Fox—placed a hand on his shoulder. They exchanged a few words and when he looked back at Miss Fortune he blew them a kiss. With a trembling hand they caught it and blew one back.
And then he turned the corner and was gone. None of the agents who stayed with Miss Fortune said a word when they fell to their knees and finally let the anguish wring its way out of their heart.
