#msfighter

To be honest, COVID-19 and its lockdowns feel like an eternity, but I am lucky that I am still here to share my lived experiences with all of you. In terms of where I should start -- well... let's go back to Friday, March 13, 2020. (& yes lol, I said FRIDAY THE 13th). On that day, it was my official last day of my work-study position as a Lab Monitor at York University. I was carrying out my duties at the Assistive Technology Lab as usual and one of the staff members told me that I can leave early. From there, it was bittersweet and thanked them for everything.

After I left, I had to take care of a few items as the President of the Social Science Student Association (SSSA) at the time. Sadly, I had to cancel the club's upcoming Mental Health event due to the pandemic. My team and I were very disappointed. At that point, my main concern for them was their safety and overall well-being. At the same time, my mom and I knew we had to cancel our trip to the Philippines. Since the world locked up their borders to contain the virus -- my mom and I knew we HAD to do the same at home. Hence, we stocked up on our essentials and got ready for the FIRST WAVE AND LOCKDOWN!

While the world was at a standstill of avoiding the pandemic and hoarding toilet paper... my mom and I are at home as usual with our cat, Cindy. If anything, staying at home throughout my childhood upbringing played a HUGE role for me to survive the lockdowns. (Thanks mom and dad)! For the first few months, we just watched the news while I was completing my remaining assignments and presentations for my courses. & yes, I had completed them on time and got great marks in the end. Thankfully, the high marks for the two remaining courses that I had to take made me eligible to apply for GRAD SCHOOL. I was able to apply to graduate (after 6 YEARS, 2 STRIKES AND A COVID VIRUS) lol. Surprisingly, York University delivered my graduation box (along with my degree and certificate that were framed by the campus' bookstore). My mom was so proud of me, she decided to display my accolades in the living room lol.

We have also reached out to my dad because he was stuck in lockdown in the Philippines where his hometown had a security checkpoint in each city. Sadly, he was not allowed to return home to Toronto at the time. So, my mom and I kept a close eye on him to see the current state of his overall well-being. We have also sent him money to ensure that he is able to get refills for his medications.

However; as time went on after May 2020 (which was his original date of returning home had difficulties accessing (lack thereof) medications from the doctors/pharmacies.

From there, that was when I got really concerned and knew that my dad must return home as soon as possible. Thankfully, one of the local police officers in my dad's hometown offered to escort him to the airport in Manila. In the end, my dad was able to come home safely after his long flight from Manila and was to isolate in quarantine for two weeks.

In terms of my squad, my college friends and I teamed up once more by having our group chats and video calls to do mental health checks on each other as well. Our vibes have always been the same since day one. Our talks from the past from gym class to food and beyond have continued to make it so wholesome. If we can survive and graduate from Police Foundations and gym class in 2014, then we can continue to hold it down by taking it day by day with COVID. I'm very thankful for having them in my life ♥. The best part is: we had a bit of a foodventure via POTLUCK after the first lockdown in the summer. It was fun and I made them bring a lot of food that will last them for 1-2 weeks xD.

I also got in touch with my neurologist via Zoom due to my six-month follow-up. Prior to my appointment, I always thought that I was at HIGH-RISK of getting COVID-19 due to my MS condition. Thankfully, my neurologist told me that I'm not. BUT, she told me to continue to follow public health guidelines, take my Tecfidera and labwork (as usual) and stay safe.

For the past five years, I have been wondering if there is any progress or signs of hope that indicate a cure... I would say -- not yet (until now). Actually, it began earlier this year on January 2021 when I found out from one of the fellow MS-fighters who sent the news to me via IG. From there, I was intrigued and I had to go to the MS Society of Canada's website and look it up for myself... (because I need receipts). Plus, a part of me felt that it was too good to be true... Anyways, it brought so much great news and excitement to me and my family. I'm so happy that BioNTech is doing research on it.

BioNTech is using their mRNA vaccine technology, (yep, the same one they're using for Pfizer), to treat MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS. I'm not sure how long that has been in the works, but I'm so happy that this is the case. According to the article, researchers are in the early stages of testing it on mice. Based on my understanding, the vaccine has a specialized messenger RNA (called m1Ψ mRNA) coding for MS disease-related autoantigens. This will be used to prevent further MS attacks.

I was so excited and over the moon to hear about this amazing news. I shared it immediately with my family and friends. They were also very excited to hear that the mRNA technology will have another purpose to treat MS. I haven't heard any news regarding their ongoing progress since then. For that, I understand due to the current state with humanity and COVID-19. In terms of this potential MS vaccine -- I am not in a rush to get it. MS is VERY complex and the vaccine needs more time to harness its potential. But, there are also a few questions that came into my mind...

What is their current state of the research?

What inspired BioNTech to use mRNA technology to treat MS?

Do the world leaders and their respective governments know about this endeavour?

Five years later... who knew that I would make it at this point, right?! Like COVID, I also didn't imagine what my ongoing journey would look like. I'm just here taking it day by day while constantly learning how MS can impact us. The fifth year also made me emotional because I came a long way from my journey. I'm healthy and thriving in a safe space with the support I needed while battling this entity.

I didn't know that others would want to hear my story at this time. I feel very responsible and accountable for sharing my story. I hope it gives them insights into what I (and many MS fighters) have to deal with on a daily basis. I don't blame you for being overwhelmed -- battling the unknown is a scary thought and it does scare me from time to time.

I have accepted for what it is and I will continue to fight until doctors and science can find a cure in the meantime. With MS, since it wants to fight me, then I'll bring it. I don't start fights -- I finish them & I promise you that I will finish the fight when there is a cure.

I promise you that I am hanging in there. People tell me all the time to be positive. But, I know that can be annoying and exhausting. (To be honest, I don't blame you. Your feelings and concerns are valid and should be allowed to address them). Hence, I have given myself some days off to relax and unwind with self-care. One example would be my cat (Cindy). I am thankful that Cindy provides herself with a great form as a stress reliever. Her cuteness and majestic self (or being) are what I love about her.

…And MS contains a lot of sour moments where it feels like an eternity. Other times, it may feel like a good day where it can be very rewarding. When it comes to my mental health with Multiple Sclerosis, the battle has and continues to give me a run for my money for the past five years. The learning experience never stops.

So, here's the breakdown of my mental health feat. MS for the past five years:

Year One

The first year contained a lot of uncertainty where my family and I feel very helpless of being unable to do anything about my MS in 2016. It brought a lot of worrisome, confusion and concerns about what the future has in store for me. The bittersweetness of being the only MS fighter in the family felt and (still feels) like I'm alone. I'm happy that no one else in my family has to deal with this. But, it sucks that I can't share it with someone else.

It was also annoying to deal with due to the newly developed symptoms (at the time). The headaches and back pains got me extremely worried to a point about whether or not if I needed a wheelchair in the future.

Although, if you're wondering if there were any good moments that occurred during that year... let's just say that I am thankful that I have a neurologist who believes in my story and wants to be part of my journey. (Thank God for her).

Year Two

Well... the second year was almost the same as the previous year. The only difference is MORE brain lesions appeared on my MRI scans. At that time, I tend to wonder what would happen to my brain had a lot more lesions than expected? I had more questions than answers regarding my condition. Does this mean that I need some kind of treatment to remove my symptoms or even my brain lesions? Part of me thought: "What if I had surgery to remove the lesions in my brain and spinal cord?" (Thinking back now... I knew it would be too risky for doctors to do that. PLUS, I'm not even sure that is a viable option for MS fighters).

Back then, my neurologist was concerned and wanted me to take medication (aka DMTs) to prevent more brain lesions to come inside my brain and spinal cord.

Year Three

It took me a lot to convince my mom to allow me to take the treatment. The fact that my tears helped made my case stronger; helped my mom understand how vital it was for me. I was also at ease because I can have some kind of medication that can help me battle MS and its symptoms.

(Now I know that some of you may be concerned about why I should be asking my mom's permission to get DMT while I'm over 19... Yes, I know I'm over 19 years. But, I was born and raised in a traditional Philippine Household. So, FAMILY IS EVERYTHING! PLUS, my mom has been attending the follow-up appointments with me since day one. Hence, her concerns are valid).

Thankfully, I was able to convince her and let me take it. I was so excited and ready to move forward in this journey. Usually, when we think of medications -- it's usually over the counter, main brands that we usually see. But, in this case with MS -- it means so much more. But first, my neurologist told me to get my bloodwork done to see if I'm ready to take it. Eventually, I passed and I cried when I first saw the parcel, it gave me tears of joy knowing that this can help me make me feel better.

It was exhausting at times when I had to stop taking it. I had experienced some chest pains a few times where it made me and my neurologist concerned. Luckily, my neurologist's solution was for me to have healthy foods and hearty fats. (& it has been working for me ever since).

At the same time, I was also still enrolled in my undergrad and taking the evening course from 7-10pm was exhausting... I had a lot of fatigue and was ready to go to sleep. But, I'm so happy that it was also my LAST evening course because that affected my physical and mental well-being. (In case if you were wondering about my mark -- it was a B).

Year Four

So happy that about 2019-2020 because this was the year that I've completed my undergrad studies where it literally took me SIX YEARS, TWO STRIKES AND A COVID-19 VIRUS. I was involved with campus life activities, work-study and two 6-credit courses. At that time, I was living my best life... UNTIL COVID CAME!

Sadly, I was supposed to visit the Philippines around May 2020, but I wasn't able to. (Plus, my grandmother would be disappointed in me if I didn't follow the health and safety rules). So, having my home under lockdown is just me reminiscing about my childhood upbringing.

At the end of my undergrad, I was able to get all A's and take a break for a year -- because studying can be exhausting. Thankfully, I was able to have a virtual appointment with my neurologist. Despite the current state of my MS condition, I'm at low risk of getting COVID-19. But, she told me to follow public guidelines anyways. Thus, I'm very content with her blessings.

Fast forward to the summer -- I surprisingly got my undergrad degree and certificate framed from York University. The parcel was heavy though... But, my mom was so hyped -- she decided to hang it up on the wall in the living room for everyone to see.

Another good news during the pandemic was GETTING A NEW BED FOR CHRISTMAS! (Thanks mom lol). Yeah, my back has been hurting me for a very long time. Hence, my mom decided to order it. Plus, it gives me one less item to worry about while battling MS.

Year Five (Present Day)