#msawareness

Some days are normal enough that I almost forget. Other days I sit in bed staring at the wall because my body feels unplugged from reality.

The weirdest part is that most people can’t see any of it.

You learn very quickly how to smile through fatigue severe enough to make your bones feel heavy. You learn how to say “I’m fine” while silently calculating whether you have enough energy left to shower.

This blog isn’t going to be inspiration porn. I’m not here to pretend chronic illness made me a better person.

Sometimes it made me angry. Sometimes bitter. Sometimes terrified.

But it also made me honest.

DISCLAIMER! As a heads up, I want to let you know that I am still learning about my roots, my family, and my ancestors' stories. I am NOT an expert, but I will continue to do my research and share my findings with all of you.

For those who don't know, June is officially Filipino Heritage Month in Canada (and recently in Ontario)! It has brought so much joy and pride knowing that the Filipinx community is being recognized for their contributions from coast to coast.

As a Filipina-Canadian who was born and raised as an immigrant on a beautiful land called Turtle Island (settler-colonially known as North America) -- I do acknowledge that my family and I are guests in Canada and my roots are from the Philippines. Part of my roots is from Northern Philippines in a province known as Abra.

It turns out, I am a descendant of an Indigenous Mountainous Tribe called Tingguian (meaning People in the Mountains) due to my paternal-grandmother. My ancestors had tattoos on their bodies with beautiful meanings (including beauty and honour). They were able to hunt and fish for food and weave baskets and dye the fabrics for clothing.

1-2 years ago, I was able to order a dark poncho made by the Tingguians in Abra via Pinas Sadya (a local Filipino shop). When it arrived On the front, it had red threads sewn on the borders while there are four frogs from all four directions (N, S, E, & W) facing the star in the middle on both sides. Based on what I was told: "The weaves with frogs are typically worn during the rainy season. It is the belief of the tribe that it pleases the gods and will give them a bountiful harvest". From that point on, I knew that I would wear it in April each year for April showers (and May flowers lol).

Overall, I am happy and grateful that I am a descendant of the Tingguian tribe. This is a really cool fact that not a lot of people know about me. To be honest, I don't blame them. Every day is a new learning opportunity and I see it with a glass half full. I'm so happy that I found out how my ancestors were like prior to Spain's colonial invasion. However; I wish my grandmother was still here to tell me how much she knows. As the granddaughter of the Seeker of knowledge and wisdom, I am living up to her name by learning and asking questions of my ancestors' past and their way of life. When I have kids in the future, I will be sure to tell them about this part from my side. It is important to learn about the past in order to have a better future for all of humanity.

This blog is a collection of thoughts, symptoms, bad days, small victories, medical chaos, art, exhaustion, fear, dark humor and everything in between. Some posts will be raw, some angry, some strangely beautiful. That’s just what living with a chronic illness looks like sometimes.

“Living With Lesions” isn’t about pretending to stay positive all the time. It’s about being honest. About documenting what MS actually feels like: The brain fog, the fatigue, the uncertainty, the loneliness, but also the resilience people rarely talk about.

If you found this blog because you also live with MS or another chronic illness: Welcome. You are not alone here.