Server Friend: Look at all these customers from the midnight ride. I smell diner success!

Server!Y/n*Glaring at her* Really? 'Cause I smell baked crotch. Can robots fart? Because I feel like I'm smelling that too...

A couple of Cybertronians overhearing you...and they discreetly smell themselves and slide a bit lower on their booths, embarrassed...

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IDW Bonecrusher: Service, service, service, service, service, serv...

Server!Y/n*Arriving to the table, looking at the con*you heard your bro,Service him~

TFA Mixmaster: Oh, crushed!

IDW Hook: Hey, you better be careful, 'cause I can give you a run for your money.

Server!Y/n: I don't have any money.

TFA!Scrapper*Looking up and down at you with an attempt to flirt* Well, with a body like that, you don't need any~

IDW Hook: Oh! Ba-bam!

Server!Y/n: Did you actually think that was a good line, or is that what you do so the check gets paid by buddy?

TFA!Scrapper: Hold on, who said I was the one paying?

Server!Y/n: Let me see your Hands.

TFA!Scrapper*Shows you his palms and smirks* What...looking to see if I have poor-mech dents?

Server!Y/n: No, I wanted to see how big your spike is...With servos that size, you'd better be rich

TFA!Scrapper*Jaw drops with a KLANG*...

IDW Hook: Oh! Shazam!

IDW Bonecrusher*Finding this tiny server amusing but still reprimands friend* Not cool, bro~

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In a booth away from them are IDW Scrapper and Scavenger, watching another version of themselves blow their interactions with their own server, while their servers treat them nicely and cordially, given that they treated the server modestly

Idw Scrapper*Sees the other him and cringes at himself and sees you bring him once again his purple rain cocktail, his favorite drink here so far, along with energon rock candy and galaxy grapes he shares with Scavanger* Thank you for these sweetspark, and I'm sorry for my buddies...

IDW Scavenger*Lights up as he picks in his servo the glowing blue/purple grape and bites into the sweet energon treat. He motors purr in delight to the fusion food delicacy*

Server!Y/n*Seeing your co-worker roasting the other cons smiles at the nicer ones*Oh please, nothing we haven't dealt with before~

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Beachcomber*Who is flirting with the sexy bartender human, drunk out of his gourd,Pays full price and gives a generous tip*O-one last question I-HEHE~...I-I just haveto ask um-

Bartender!Y/n*Is cleaning a glass with a smile*

Beachcomber*He winks at you with finger guns*W-would you mind if, Um...WELL!-Would you mind if I ripped off all your clothes with my dermas?~

Bartender!Y/n*Smiles as you set the glass down and look him straight in the optics with a smile*Gods, Id be honored~

Beachcomber:....

Beachcomber*Who elbow gave out from your comment as his vents are on full blast, didn't think you said THAT, or he GET THAT FAR*I-I'll be right back!

Bartender!Y/n*Who sighs seeing him tripping over and over to the door*Ok, after that, how can I not hit that?...

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Rung*Showing his brother, who is in disguise like himself, Y/n cafe*This place is great, you know!I t's whimsical AND fun!~

Unicron*Sees the human servers and staff, spots the kitchen door open, and spots you, the cook*...

Cook!Y/n*Glances at him*WHAT YOU LOOKING AT MOTHER FUCKER!-*Slams the door at their faces*

Unicron*Points at the door*I like that one...

Rung*Knows the cook is the most terrifying human in the establishment after the owner*A-ah...

Welcome Dear Cybertronian's to Y/n's cafe! We hope you enjoy your consumables made by real humans with all sorts of cybertronian's dietary needs in mind!

Here are the rules all Patrons must follow for dining in! If you break the rules, we will KINDLY ask you to leave the establishment!~

RULES:

-NO FIGHTING

-WAIT YOUR TURN IN LINE

-NO TOUCHING THE STAFF, UNLESS THEY CONSENTED TO IT BEFOREHAND

-NO PICTURES OR RECORDINGS UNLESS YOU ASKED THE MANAGER FOR PERMISSION

We would really appreciate that as soon as you step or roll into the doors, you leave the world behind you and enjoy a meal and relax! Any questions, just ask your server or owner!

We welcome all factions!

Warning: You only have three strikes. Once you hit the third strike, you will be banned from entering

P.S: Servers are mean, so if your feelings are hurt... It's your fault

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Thundercracker*Sees someone orders are done and calls over to you*-Doll! Pick up! Tables 12, 4, 11~

Server!Y/n*Smiles at him with eye twitch*Got it! Hey, when you get a second, stop looking at my ass...

Thundercracker*Wasnt listening and was very much enjoying you, just wondering how you feel in his servos ,how your stretchy skin is?*...what you say?

As you push the cart with energon drinks and with Cesium salami and beryllium baloney, passing by a new customer

Sentinel*Snaps his servos at them*Excuse me, Server, Dude

Server!Y/n*Smiles, but it doesn't reach eyes, stopping when you give the blushing mechs their food and go back to newcomer* Hi, what can I get you?~

Sentinel: We need some-*Stops as You snaps their fingers in front of his face*-!?!

Server!Y/n: Is that annoying?~*Snaps* Is that obnoxious and rude? ~*More snapping around his face* Would you find it distracting if someone did that to you while you were working?-Oh wait!, you don't have a job, I'm sorry~*Snickers at him*

Jazz: Damn dude, they burned you*snorts as they look at the menu*

Server!Y/n: OH-No, hipster, do not think we are on the same team, we have nothing in common. You look like all you listen to is Coldplay- You have tattoos to piss off your "sire"; my dad doesn't know he's my dad!~

Server!Y/n: And finally, you think this *Snaps fingers again at Sentinel's face* is the sound that gets you service? I think this *Snaps at him again* is the sound that dries up my vagina/bussy

You continue to roast the giant Autobot, no one coming to his aid...which is normal after all, the motto of this establishment is "Treat others like you like to be treated", but...some cybertronian's actually LIKE being insulted by the humans

This cafe brings in all types of cybertronians from all dimensions, A place created by the owner who loves to simply feed those who are hungry...

This becomes a hotspot for soldiers tired of war, loves a good drink and may be a secret humanlover-

Server!Y/n*Sees Tailgate ONCE again couldn't control himself and launched himself to hug your co-worker*TAILGATE NO! NO, LET THEM GO!! STOP NUZZLING YOUR FACE ON HER STOMACH!-

LOOK, I JUST REALLY REALLY LOVE FOOD-ORIENTED SHOWS!?!-LIKE CAMPFIRE COOKING IN ANOTHER WORLD, RESTAURANT TO ANOTHER WORLD, RAMEN AKANEKO AND NOBU ISEKAI-

Thank you!

Paul would have to make it clear right away that there were no strings attached. At least at first, because he likes to play and even though he might be loving on this one girl, he doesn’t want her to turn into some sap trying to make him change.  He’s got a long undead life to live after all. Once that was settled there wouldn’t be a dull moment between them. He is the definition of a party animal and would make sure she had what she needed to keep up, including food, fluids, sleep, that sort of thing.  AND she better like having sex ALL the time in random places. Being the youngest and the one most likely to remember his human life, he wouldn’t have an issue with his strength in terms of worrying about hurting her during such acts.

Marko’s idea of a human lover is someone who understands that he is going to come and go as he pleases. Which means he would let them know up front that’s the way it’s going to be.  He’s not exactly interested in having a full time lover, just someone who can keep him entertained and carry on a good conversation. He would treat them to late night surprises and a few good scares here and there.

Dwayne is the ultimate lover hands down as long as the human understood that he still had a job to do as the second in command.  After that he’d treat them to dinner, fine wine, chocolate, even read to them in the private from his favorite books. Long nights of love making by candlelight, soaking in hot baths, because unlike Paul and Marko, he likes water.  He would even be the type to take care of them after they got old, assuming they weren’t turned.

David is more of the I’m here, talk to me before I leave type. But then he turns around and leaves flowers for his lover at random.  He would have to make sure they knew that his idea of love is not typical in that he doesn’t express fluffy emotion very often. Maybe later on down the line…if you’re lucky.  He would make sure they were secure in life with everything they needed at their fingertips, and probably test their loyalty quite often.